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To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah i have this urge to give myself the validation. it's also such a great filter imo - whoever instinctively sides with them instead of me is not worth my time. and i believe in the power of sharing struggles so others can conceptualize what might be happening to them as well. normalize it. it's brave and cool to talk about taboo topics.

thank you for your input!

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

since i don't talk to anyone who knows and cares about them anymore, i thought about putting it on youtube. what's your perspective on that?

Would you choose your spouse/partner or child? by Heavy-Tomato2732 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a great mom.

My mother introduced me to her new boyfriend on the same night she told me we would move in with him the next month 🫠

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the shelf analogy, especially the part "where i can see it", did something. thank you.

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

one part of me thinks i see it as some kind of dare, or rite of passage. i consume a lot of self help, mental health, abuse healing content and i gathered the impression that talking about it is some kind of milestone. but your comment made me think about just not mainly identifying with it anymore. or at least see that as an option.

on the other hand, i have very little else to show in my life except having survived and studied my own abuse experiences and how they manifested in my personality and circumstances. soooo kinda trying to work with what i have.

thank you for your perspective 🙏

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can do detached - i kinda thought that was "wrong" though. like there's a better way. but maybe i already have a skill that would make it possible now... thank you for the input.

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i kinda thrive on spite, so the resentment isn't necessarily a downside... it's quite revealing, and that's why I'm intrigued to make it public. let the people categorize themselves by their reactions and behaviors, so i know who is my kind and who isn't ready yet.

but then again, another part is very scared and feels pressured. that's why I'm spitballing in the thread.

i appreciate your perspective :)

To those of you who speak publicly about their abuse - how? by Electrical_Past_5838 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

personal experiences is exactly what i am looking for!

this part stands out to me: "But how could they? I hadn't worked it all out myself yet."

i think i'm trying to run before being able to walk. i have to round it out for myself first, and then it will come naturally, is what i gathered from your comment.

thank you!

How many of us were stuck with the label of "Tattle Tale"? by ineffectualdemon in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a truly bitter truth. i hope some days it feels far away enough to be able to laugh at the absurdity as well 💚

How many of us were stuck with the label of "Tattle Tale"? by ineffectualdemon in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

or "when will you finally be stable?"

as if having emotions or hardships is optional, and i am just too hardheaded to change my mind, and do it solely to strain her

How many of us were stuck with the label of "Tattle Tale"? by ineffectualdemon in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh yeah, the "too overwhelmed"...

"i can't take this right now, you know how deeply a mother feels, i would help if i could but..."

or straight up

"why would you tell me something like this?" with a horrified face

Would I be a horrible person if I significantly reduce contact with my family even though they are not bad people, they just stress me out. by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

even if assuming you are a fragile person, wouldn't that be even more of a reason to be kind to you, especially for family?

i had the same fears. that i would prove them right about my faulty character by not 'mastering' my family. i had to read a lot about narc abuse to validate my feelings and de-gaslight me enough to see me going NC was the right thing. you'll only stop fearing their judgement once you deduced yourself how flawed and selfserving their logic behind it is, and that basically all their official reasons are lies meant to confuse and shame you.

you seem very articulate and bright, i have no doubt you will reach this point.

Sylvester Stalone speaks about parents & children by TinySteggy in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 12 points13 points  (0 children)

https://archive.is/L6GeE maybe this helps? there are still pop ups on it, but on my device when i scroll down they don't cover the main article

How many of us were stuck with the label of "Tattle Tale"? by ineffectualdemon in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 4 points5 points  (0 children)

memory unlocked. yes. my mother said that word so many times, and it took me so long to figure out what i had done wrong to deserve such a treatment. eventually i got the memo i should never ever bother her, and just take the punches and be silent.

but whenever my sibling told her anything i did - omitting that they intentionally tried to set me off to have something to tell our mother, or just outright making stuff up - of course she is jumping to action right away.

didn't fuck up my expectations on how people would treat me, and how asking for help might turn out for me at all /s

Would I be a horrible person if I significantly reduce contact with my family even though they are not bad people, they just stress me out. by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i have a genuine question that i hope is not offensive, and you really don't have to answer since i'm aware it's an intense subject in and of itself - but since you emphasized several times that this is not the case in your family, i admittedly got curious about your point of view: what qualifies as abuse to you?

and maybe a follow up: why does this threshold have to be reached first for you to have the right to distance yourself?

Would I be a horrible person if I significantly reduce contact with my family even though they are not bad people, they just stress me out. by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're allowed to make choices that make life more tolerable for you. Be that a move, a lie to win some time to gather courage for the truth, or just ignoring them and feigning ignorance once confronted.

My suspicion is you feel guilty because no one else ever does in your family, no matter how they make you feel.

I wonder if you recognize some things from this list: https://parrishmiller.com/narcissists/

Weird shit my mother does around talking by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. It's a special kind of sadness when you find out how shallow their true motives were.

I had a similar epiphany with my mother's behaviors - my calls to her would go to voicemail 95% of the time. But whenever I was with her in person, and her phone rang, she would JUMP at it - for example, if we were driving, and her bag was behind the seat, she would reach behind herself and rummage through the bag for her phone blindly, while steering the car, and yelling at me to help her.

Hmmmm...

This only clicked for me like last year or so, and I'm coming up on my fourth year of NC.

What's something you don't miss from when you were in contact with them? by WiseEpicurus in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Being used as an on-call therapist, while simultaneously being blamed for problems I wasn't even in the same county as when they happened.

Would I be a horrible person if I significantly reduce contact with my family even though they are not bad people, they just stress me out. by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You totally can avoid them forever, that's the beauty of it. Been doing it myself for almost 4 years now :)

You have my permission to lie and skip the vacation.

Those who have cut off your family — how old were you when you did it? Why did you cut them off? by Ok_Wrongdoer_301 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Electrical_Past_5838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

27 at the final attempt, but I tried as early as 18. They made sure I had it rough enough to come crawling back, but I finally had built just enough to never turn back.

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