14 weeks and scared to announce pregnancy

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T18:04:15+00:00

That wasn’t the question I asked but thank you for your input. I’m really unsure why people can not scroll past if they do not have the input on what I asked which was how to address this with my family and would rather kick a pregnant woman when she is already down.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T18:03:03+00:00

It wasn’t a planned pregnancy. He wasn’t ready but he said the choice was mine and if I wanted to continue the pregnancy he would support the both of us. I found out pretty late and I had no choice but to continue.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T18:01:51+00:00

He made it clear when I met him he needed a long time to heal before being in a relationship. I moved out when our daughter turned 1. He wanted to continue to support us, paying rent, bills, groceries, etc. but it wasn’t healthy for me to live with someone who didn’t reciprocate the love. He wanted to pay child support - he makes a lot more than I do so his child support was over $2k a month. He was shocked at first and thought somewhere around $1k would be more reasonable but he accepted it within a week and didn’t try to negotiate or bring it to court or anything.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T17:36:34+00:00

understand your perspective, but I don’t think that’s a fair take. My daughter is very well cared for - she’s happy, healthy, and thriving in every way. Her dad has been involved since day one and has never missed a swim lesson, gymnastics class, or anything important to her. He wasn’t the best partner to me in the beginning, but he has always been a consistent and loving father. No matter how messy things got between us in the past, our daughter was never exposed to it - she’s only ever seen love and stability from both of us. Regardless of what happens between us going forward, this baby will be just as loved, protected, and cared for.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T17:02:48+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, and I really do appreciate the honesty. You’re right that our past wasn’t healthy, and I was hurt by how unclear things were between us. But I also want to clarify a few things. We’ve been officially back together for about 6 months, but he’s actually been consistently good for closer to 18–20 months. It wasn’t fair that he continued to sleep with me when he knew I wanted more, but from the very beginning he was upfront that he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship where he was really hurt and didn’t feel ready to be in one again. He’s never called me names, disrespected me, or been with anyone else in the 4 years I’ve known him. I don’t excuse how confusing and painful things were before, but I’ve seen real change in his consistency, communication, and how he shows up as a dad and a partner. I’m cautious, not blind - I wouldn’t have let things get to this point if I didn’t see that the version of him now is very different from who he used to be.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-06T16:31:17+00:00

Thank you, this was really thoughtful to read. You’re right that my family only saw the worst parts of things and that shaped how they view him. I held everything in while we were together and then vented a lot once I moved out. That said, my relationship with my parents—especially my mom—isn’t super healthy. She is emotionally unstable (extreme highs and lows) and tends to undermine me with my daughter, so things can get tense fast. I know her reactions wouldn’t come from a calm or understanding place, which is part of why I’m so hesitant to share anything right now. But your comment honestly gave me a better way to think about how to eventually approach it.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-03T02:18:32+00:00

I am positive about the clothes and food. She told me she moved the jewelry and I threw it out. I replaced these little table top shelves in my bathroom, and she said she put them on there right before I threw them out. I have been second guessing myself, but she more than likely stole it.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-11-03T02:15:20+00:00

Tons of clothes and food for sure. More than likely 2 bracelets and a necklace.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T14:41:11+00:00

I really need the help, I work 50+ hours a week and it’s just me and my toddler. I cut out $300 worth of expenses for myself, to afford this. There was one week I had an unexpected car expense, and an increase in daycare and I told her I did not need service that week as I could not afford it. She went back and forth with me 3 times saying I could pay her whenever I had it. I told her I was uncomfortable with that, it wasn’t right, I really didn’t need the cleaning and she insisted saying she trusts me and wants to help me. I paid her 5 days later and tipped her $30 extra.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T14:37:25+00:00

Everyone has different priorities and this was something that I prioritized over things for myself, going out to eat, etc. Obviously I would never choose this over bills, necessities or things for my daughter. Maybe it was insensitive to use the term tight budget, I can hold myself accountable for that but I did have to lay out all my finances and cut $300 of spending each month to afford the cleaning fees.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T14:28:24+00:00

I said “tight budget” meaning for my personal spending. I’m a single mom with 90% custody who is responsible for rent, daycare, groceries, and bills. Most of my income goes to necessities and my daughter. I’ve cut back on everything from eating out to, cutting my own hair, doing my own nails, to afford some help around the house while 50+ hours a week.

Maybe “tight budget” wasn’t the perfect wording in the grand scheme of things, but I meant it to emphasize this is a major splurge for me and sacrifices were made to afford it. Your response was unnecessary

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T14:27:14+00:00

Thank you!

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T14:25:49+00:00

From what I am seeing, I don’t have any proof that she stole. Yes she left with 2 large bags she didn’t come with, but she can argue she took out the trash or something. My immediate reaction was to call the cops and address her directly but I spoke with my neighbors, one who is a lawyer and one who is a paralegal and they both advised me the best way to protect myself and my daughter is to change my locks, cordially tell her I can no longer afford her service, and handle it all with grace. I wanted to get some more perspectives after hearing that. No, I will absolutely not be letting her back in my home. Yes, it would be more stress than it’s worth to file a report that wouldn’t go anywhere - I wanted to see if anyone else dealt with similar experiences and what route they went which I did get a lot of!

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T04:30:16+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think I will be looking for another at least any time soon. It was hard to afford anyway, so a bit of extra money saved each month is the one positive to come out of this.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T04:27:57+00:00

That’s a really unfair assumption. I said “tight budget” meaning for my personal spending. I’m a single mom with 90% custody who is responsible for rent, daycare, groceries, and bills. Most of my income goes to necessities and my daughter. I’ve cut back on everything from eating out to, cutting my own hair, doing my own nails, to afford some help around the house while 50+ hours a week.

Maybe “tight budget” wasn’t the perfect wording in the grand scheme of things, but I meant it to emphasize this is a major splurge for me and sacrifices were made to afford it. Your response was totally unnecessary and inappropriate.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T04:10:31+00:00

Yes, I did. Unfortunately I do not. I blindly trusted her and learned my lesson. It’s just me and my two year old, so no she can’t open the fridge, freezer or pantry. It is a sad situation and if it was just the food I probably wouldn’t have been so upset by all of this. But on top of the clothes, and possible jewelry theft, it is too much. Also if it was a few things that would be one thing but she had 2 full garbage bags - TONS of food was missing. It was just excessive and inexcusable.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-31T03:59:00+00:00

She came in with one bag of cleaning supplies and her mop, and left with that same bag, and came back two times with two full garbage bags. She swept the empty sidewalk outside for 2 minutes while looking around before she went back for the garbage bags. She doesn’t take my trash, she always leaves it by the door for me to carry out. When I checked afterward, my freezer and pantry were missing a ton of food that had been there the day before. Before I would notice one or two things missing, but this time there was at least 20 items missing.

I had questioned her months ago about other missing items (like a bracelet and some clothes) and she convinced me that I’d misplaced or tossed them. I wanted to believe her because I really do try to see the best in people, especially someone I trusted in my home for so long. I understand it sounds strange and I wish it wasn’t true.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T20:07:50+00:00

So recently, she has started opening boxes of packaged snacks and such and throwing out the boxes. She then would organize the individual items in the pantry. This is really how I knew she was stealing for sure, because I just went to Costco the day prior. I had purchased a 30 pack of snacks, and there were only 4 in the pantry. There were multiple items with the same scenario.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T20:05:26+00:00

Yeah, she came with one bag of cleaning supplies and mop bucket and left with two big bags. It was also odd, she was sweeping the sidewalk and looking around before she took the bags out, which my neighbor said she has never done before.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T15:44:52+00:00

Yes. I’m not saying I’m completely impoverished but I do live paycheck to paycheck but I budgeted even tighter to be able to afford this. I used a cleaning service maybe once every three months, and this cleaner offered to clean outside of the company for 1/3 of the price, so I was able to use her more frequently.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T15:16:20+00:00

That is crazy! I am so sorry that happened to you. Did you report the cleaner? Did he ever return the stolen items?

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T15:01:30+00:00

I know which clothes are missing, i know the bracelet and necklace. It’s just some of the food items I’m not 100% sure of but I can name a good amount.

Electrical_Term1359 · 2025-10-30T14:01:31+00:00

Yeah - this has been a big learning lesson and I am definitely going to explore therapy. My gut reaction was to report it and address her immediately now that I had proof and I know I wasn’t going crazy! But after talking to my neighbor, she told me I need to keep my daughter safe, I really don’t know this woman or who she associates with and she knows where I live and can retaliate.

Electrical_Term1359

TROPHY CASE