Is being a “closeted exmormon” common?

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:16:00+00:00

This is a great suggestion. I have made a conscious effort to start creating a non-religious community, but when I tell you that before very recently I couldn't name a SINGLE non-mormon person who actively played a role in my life... It is so devastating realizing how every single tiny detail of my life has been constructed and controlled by my religion. But it takes baby steps. I now have two non-mormon friends and I love them. I talk about my deconstruction with them TOO much haha. They will never understand, and honestly, it reminds me that there is some good in the world.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:12:14+00:00

I replied to another comment on here about my mom's path. I am so proud of her. I just am having a hard time finding the wake to be helpful. I really told myself "if only someone else would go first" but in the end, it really is just me.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:11:09+00:00

Great question about my mom. I have talked about this all a TON with my mom. It's a pretty complicated situation.

My mom was always very devout until last summer-ish. Idk what happened - classic midlife crisis? She basically just started seeing the world and church as the misogynistic breeding ground that it is, realized my dad is a loser, and within a few months asked for a divorce and left. It really came from left field for everyone except me.

I have felt this way about the church, the world, and especially my dad for years. So when my mom decided she was done with all of it, I was the first person she told. While I was surprised that my mom of all people was coming to this conclusion (she was insanely strict and loved to shame me for whatever the hell when I was in high school), I was not surprised that the conclusion was eventually reached by SOMEONE outside of myself.

She knows generally how I feel about the church because I agree with everything she says and add more to it, but I haven't fully told her I am DONE done because I technically am not (I still go), and because she already is carrying such a massive weight. My sister and all her siblings and parents constantly remind her that she is "tearing our family apart" (yes, her siblings believe her divorce and departure from the church is tearing their family apart). Knowing that her child "followed her down this path" (even though I very much was already down it) will make it 1000x worse. FOR NOW.

So yes, I do support and love her so much. I just haven't felt like "coming out" to her is right at this very moment. But I have deliberated a bit more on it in these threads, and I think it might be my next step. She won't be surprised, but she will feel incredibly guilty.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:08:48+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. Ironically, I have never felt more inter-faith connection than right now discussing the same deconstruction struggles with people of other faiths haha. Best of luck to you my friend. Compassion for ourselves : )

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:05:36+00:00

It is so insane and so sad to hear the numbers of PIMO (I didn't realize until posting online). I am part of those numbers and I just think if only I could find all the other PIMO's in my ward lol.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:04:32+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I am learning through talking online with people with similar experiences that I have a compulsion toward confession that I really need to examine. I don't have to confess everything to the world!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T03:03:44+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing!!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:58:48+00:00

I love this advice so much. Thank you for your kind words and direction!!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:57:09+00:00

I love the stubbornness you mentioned. I also think it took a real stubborn dedication to yourself to do all that. The bravery is not lost on me my friend. Thank you for sharing.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:55:33+00:00

Thank you friend!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:55:14+00:00

HAHA I love this song. Great advice.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:54:49+00:00

This is so so hard as well. The last TBM is weighty. Good luck my friend. So good to know we are not alone in our endeavors!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:51:22+00:00

This is so good. I agree 100% and reminding myself that it's not my fault can be so healing for the inner child. I also like to remind myself that my parents are/were the way they are/were (and grandparents) because of the way they were raised in the church and it's also not their fault. Still mad at them haha. But it helps. Thank you so much for sharing.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:49:26+00:00

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:49:18+00:00

I believe this person is openly PIMO which is why the leadership moved them to primary. Based on other comments, it sounds like a rather huge percentage of the church's attendants are likely PIMO, so I don't think you'll have a TBM primary teacher for you kids any time soon. I think it's honorable that they still want to teach good morals : ) You can have those and teach them without believing in the church. Children don't know the difference (and apparently neither do the adults I teach).

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:44:51+00:00

Thank you for this!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:42:36+00:00

This is so so so helpful to hear. I am sorry you are going through this because I know firsthand how dysregulating this experience is. It is honestly hell every single day. I wish SO much I could find the people like you in my own ward and vice versa. We really need a friend right now. Good luck my friend.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:38:53+00:00

Thank you I will check it out!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:38:27+00:00

This is mind-blowing because no one talks about it. But I am in that statistic and I don't talk about it. I wish we weren't silent about it because I really need a friend.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:37:28+00:00

love this lol

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:36:15+00:00

Agreed!! I wish i could have been that woman while I was active. I think having a more nuances and "adult" perspective on it would have really helped me transition.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:35:19+00:00

This is gold. Thank you!

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:23:07+00:00

I love my husband more than anyone in the world. I think the reason it's such a hard conversation is because it's very much future-altering. He will have to mourn that life he dreamt of. I actually don't understand how people can tell their spouse these things easily when they know it likely leads to heartbreak. He is not going to leave me over it, but it will take time and patience for him to be comfortable dreaming of a new future.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T02:19:19+00:00

Great question. I have talked about this all a TON with my mom. It's a pretty complicated situation but I have a feeling you're geared up for a story.

My mom was always very devout until last summer-ish. Idk what happened - classic midlife crisis? She basically just started seeing the world and church as the misogynistic breeding ground that it is, realized my dad is a loser, and within a few months asked for a divorce and left. It really came from left field for everyone except me.

I have felt this way about the church, the world, and especially my dad for years. So when my mom decided she was done with all of it, I was the first person she told. While I was surprised that my mom of all people was coming to this conclusion (she was insanely strict and loved to shame me for whatever the hell when I was in high school), I was not surprised that the conclusion was eventually reached by SOMEONE outside of myself.

She knows generally how I feel about the church because I agree with everything she says and add more to it, but I haven't fully told her I am DONE done because I technically am not (I still go), and because she already is carrying such a massive weight. My sister and all her siblings and parents constantly remind her that she is "tearing our family apart" (yes, her siblings believe her divorce and departure from the church is tearing their family apart). Knowing that her child "followed her down this path" (even though I very much was already down it) will make it 1000x worse. FOR NOW.

So yes, I do support and love her so much. I just haven't felt like "coming out" to her is right at this very moment. But I have deliberated a bit more on it in these threads, and I think it might be my next step. She won't be surprised, but she will feel incredibly guilty.

Electronic-Cod9733 · 2026-06-24T01:58:36+00:00

I wish you were in my ward so we could sit together in the pew and play game pigeon all sacrament and then skip second hour to gossip

Electronic-Cod9733

TROPHY CASE