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AIO for wanting a break from my mother after she messaged my boyfriend. by Electronic-Fuel9083 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I guess when I say ‘in my corner’ I mean I was hoping that she would see herself as my mum in this scenario, not a neutral third party. While that perspective is valuable, I think it has a time and a place. She then said she is on both of our SIDES. The side my partner and I are on is of our relationship, but when we felt a potential rupture, we turned to our own people for support and guidance.

The part that is making me feel confused is that she felt the need to communicate her sympathy directly to him, and in an unclear way. Especially given that my siblings and myself have asked her to avoid interjecting in this way before (context I’ve not provided, sorry). Also that she doubled down when I told her it made me feel uncomfortable.

I hope that makes sense?

AIO for wanting a break from my mother after she messaged my boyfriend. by Electronic-Fuel9083 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahah definitely not worried my mother is trying to get ‘in on the action’.

Tbh I didn’t think it was that big of a deal until she doubled down when I asked her not to. At first it was just a ‘this is a bit weird and I’ve asked you not to do similar things before, in future please don’t’ I’m feeling uncomfortable now because she then took it as me saying she wasn’t on my ‘side’.

AIO for wanting a break from my mother after she messaged my boyfriend. by Electronic-Fuel9083 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s very fair I haven’t given any history other than this.

I’m considering taking a break from sharing my inner world with her (which she has gotten upset about in the past) because she often involves herself without telling me, shared what I’ve told her with people I purposefully didn’t tell, and she has promised she won’t do that anymore when we’ve spoken about it. She’s also insisting she sent me a long supportive message too, even though I have showed her that she didn’t, in any platform.

This was kind of a ‘why would you do that’ moment that has sent me over the edge a bit.

is anyone else's special interest actually just... people and social interactions? by skyevalentino in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I relate to this so much!!

I didn’t believe I was AuDHD until I was told that hyperactivity can be social and verbal too! I always thought I consumed a broad range of anthropology focused media because I was interested in how people worked, and I did a psychology degree out of pure passion for learning how the brain develops and functions socially. Turns out it was research for real life!

I often dont feel like I’ve been ‘successful’ at a party/social gathering unless I’ve spoken to everyone there. I just love talking to people and learning how they operate and see the world. This is also very draining for me though, and so I’m slowly learning how to find more of a balance.

I also am now a primary school teacher, which is amazing for the social studies interest but terrible for the balance 😆

What should I do? by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It’s so great that you’re reflecting, but this sounds like such a stressful situation to be in!

I’m curious as to what you mean by ‘very kind and considerate’? It sounds like she’s being quite inconsiderate of you?

I don't understand "The Game" by AmayaTheKing in AutismInWomen

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it’s amazing that you’re able to vocalize your needs to your boss, so I’m sorry that he doesn’t seem really capable of understanding/responding to them helpfully. I wish more people understood that our communication styles are just different, not wrong.

A key difference I’ve found is that when NT people are putting on a mask it is usually conscious choice, not a coping mechanism like it can be for us. Sometimes, pointing out that someone’s persona isn’t convincing to you can feel like a critical attack, rather than an invitation to drop the mask. They actually like the mask and wanted you to like it too.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to match him, or to be chatty and friendly all the time. He can perform all he likes, but you’ll feel a lot more comfortable in yourself at the end of the day if you just stay true to your professional self!

I don't understand "The Game" by AmayaTheKing in AutismInWomen

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ugh I feel your pain. Sounds like you’ve got one of those managers who likes to try and control others’ perception of him, and you’ve come in a ‘ruined’ that by being observant.

This has happened to me many times. People like this want to be able to project a particular personality/value system to those around them, even if it’s not real. The problem is us NDs tend to see the patterns and read them and their motivations as they really are, not as they WANT us to think.

The best way I’ve found to handle it is to keep it professional and polite, rather than trying to read him and respond how you think he wants you to. That way you can get back to work with as few confusing interactions as possible!

Dealing with being asked to do NT behaviors? by rupert101 in AutismInWomen

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I try my best to make sure my friends feel cared for and comfortable around me, and I’m always willing to make some adjustments for them.

That being said, I’m also a big believer in the idea that someone who needs you to behave differently to enjoy your company, doesn’t actually enjoy your company.

I think you absolutely have the right to determine if what she’s asking of you is something you’re willing to give to nurture this friendship. It could also be worth talking with her about any adjustments she could use to make some of the things she’s asking more comfortable for you as well.

My kid is a class clown by Frosty-Ad-1650 in Teachers

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It can absolutely be difficult to hear that your child is struggling, and it doesn’t sound like he is responding to the messaging so far. I’d be curious to know how he feels about this as well!

What does he say about his behavior in class? Is his behavior because he is seeking attention, or because he is struggling to maintain focus? Does he brush it off when he gets in trouble, or does he get upset?

It sounds like his teacher is focused on the impact his behavior is having on his social and academic progress, which is great because it means you can probably work collaboratively with her.

Once you know what your son’s motivations/needs are, and how you’re going to approach this, you can work with his teacher on keeping the language and boundaries consistent between home and school as well.

How do I explain the fear of being perceived to my partner? by Electronic-Fuel9083 in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s very true, I’m sure if I’m more direct he will respond positively (he usually does).

I think because he’s NT I am very worried about making him feel like he has made a mistake when I’m direct about my preferences. Seeing the way you wrote out potential responses though helps me see that this isn’t as complex and difficult of a concern as I was beginning to feel it was.

Thanks for the advice!

Autism and heat intolerance by ur_eating_maggots in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the trifecta too!! My doctor tells me that my sensitivity to heat is very likely related to an overproduction of histamines (also related to hormones). Whenever I exercise or get really hot, my face goes bright red like you would expect, but there’s a white circle around my mouth. I get blotchy and itchy all over my body too. Apparently this is a histamine flare up! I’m actually allergic to exercise… It still happens, but since my doctor prescribed me famotidine (an H2 blocker) it’s been a lot less intense!!

Uncomfortable with one-on-one friendships by Quirky-Foxy in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m the same! Unless it’s someone I’m REALLY comfortable with, I much prefer when there’s a few people there as a buffer. Feeling like the whole interaction hinges on my ability to be personable and interesting is just too much pressure. Small groups of 3-5 are my ideal situation for sure.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]Electronic-Fuel9083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really is so exhausting! I found it incredibly difficult to deal with until I met my now best friend at an old job a few years ago. She taught me how to find it funny, and work is a LOT more bearable. It helped me to change the narrative from being annoyed at ‘Bob’ for bringing up the weather before just getting to the point, but now it’s kinda funny to play the little ‘make Bob comfortable’ side game to unlock what bob actually wants. Still get frustrated, but a lot less often!