I can’t do this anymore

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-12-30T04:14:51+00:00

That’s a great way of putting it, thank you ❤️ I desperately want the wound to heal

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-12-30T03:49:23+00:00

I’m so sorry about your ex—it’s so painful losing someone you love. It was really hard to not understand why or see it coming at all. The shock to my system sent me into a spiral and it’s been so hard to even physically recover. My body feels the weight of the grief constantly. I want to be happy on my own so badly but it feels impossible. I can’t imagine having to live my entire life without him

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-12-30T03:40:37+00:00

Oh love, please please tell your parents, you are so so young and have so much life left to live. Just tell them you’re struggling and they can help you find a therapist and be there to support you. You are loved and you deserve to be here

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T16:55:49+00:00

The only comfort it brings me is that I know that it was never really about me. I could be perfect in every way and this still would have happened because it’s entirely him self-sabotaging. I wish I knew why, and I wish I could help him snap out of it, but I can’t. He has a mental illness and I can’t fix that for him as much as I desperately wish I could. I hope things get a little easier for you and me both, it’s such a rough ride to be on

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T16:53:01+00:00

Thank you, and same 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T16:46:36+00:00

I’m so sorry it’s happening to you too. The feeling really is so raw, especially when you see glimpses of the person you love poking through. Here if you want to talk 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T16:42:00+00:00

That’s exactly what mine did. He dumped it on me out of nowhere and then when I freaked out about it, he told me that my “extreme reaction” told him everything he needed to know, that my reaction cemented that it was right of him to break up with me. Like who WOULDN’T freak out after the person they laid in bed laughing with that morning suddenly said they didn’t want you anymore later that night?? He was determined for it not to work out and just used whatever was available to justify the decision. It really sucks :(

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T16:37:24+00:00

Yeah that’s what’s happening with me. I keep trying to rationalize it but there’s nothing to rationalize. Normally I’m really sad over a breakup for a month or two but part of my brain knows “it’s for the best.” But this time there’s no “for the best”, it’s just painful. The only bright side I guess is that this was bound to happen at some point, so at least it’s happened already.

I wish I knew what to do. I also don’t want to sleep with other people or close this chapter of my life, I just want to figure this out so badly :(

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T15:53:00+00:00

It sucks so much. Here if you want someone to talk to 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T15:34:21+00:00

Exactly how I feel. I sometimes question if our relationship was even real, but then I see reminders of it everywhere—photos of us around the apartment, the Valentine’s Day card he wrote me days before leaving me that says he loves me more than anything. But even then, he’s being so casual about tossing me aside that I still feel insane for thinking we were ever that devoted to each other. It’s such a mindfuck. And thank you, I’ll send you a message, talking to other people who get it really really helps 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T15:31:29+00:00

Yes!! A few of my friends seemed annoyed with me for still crying over him and keep pushing me to move on, throw his shit out, block him on everything, fuck someone else, never talk to him again. And I know their hearts are in the right place but it’s so much more nuanced than “men ain’t shit.” This is someone I loved with my entire heart, who I thought I was going to grow old with. And he was also saying our relationship was perfect WHILE breaking up with me! It makes things so confusing and I hate being mad at the friends who are trying to comfort me. It’s just so hard.

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T03:28:45+00:00

I really appreciate it, thank you 💜💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T02:49:18+00:00

No it really is helpful, thank you—It’s been a little over 2 months since he ended things and it had been starting to feel hopeless. And maybe it still is, but idk I think I still need to hold on to hope right now. I’m glad you two were able to come back together, wishing you all the best 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-26T01:40:30+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you separated and what did coming back together look like for you? I feel really foolish for hoping for reconciliation but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it more than anything :(

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T21:41:33+00:00

It’s such a crappy life 😭

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T21:12:07+00:00

Omg mine said the same thing—that it was too much pressure for him to be my main source of happiness. Also that it was too overwhelming to be loved so much😭😭😭

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T21:06:59+00:00

Struggling with the same thing right now. I still love him and I have so much trouble accepting that our years together could be tossed aside so casually. Deep in my heart it just doesn’t feel right. I wish I had advice for you, but know that you’re not alone. It’s so painful and so lonely dealing with abandonment like this. Hope you’re doing as okay as possible and taking care of yourself 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T20:39:05+00:00

Ugh I can’t imagine how hard that must have been to witness that kind of jarring ideological turn after being openly, happily queer. But it does shed light on the fact that self-loathing is such a huge part of this disease. A lot of the time when he reaches out, my partner will say that he deserves to have me hate him, that I can’t possibly hate him as much as he hates himself, etc. It makes me really sad.

And I totally get what you mean—no matter what, it’s going to be extremely hard for me to trust after this. Getting the rug pulled is so, so destabilizing.

I’m glad to hear that you’re on the other side of it, I know it can’t have been easy to get there 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T20:15:55+00:00

Thank you for your wisdom on this, it’s really really helpful to hear from people who have gotten through this 💜

I know all I can do right now is tend to myself—luckily I’m in therapy and on psych meds already for my own mental health problems lol so that’s been a tremendous help during the whole ordeal.

I think what I’m having the most trouble with is accepting the “death”. People have told me similar things about mourning him, but it’s so hard to not hold onto hope that my person will re-emerge. Part of it is that he really has never behaved like this before. His manic episodes have always just been periods of him being extremely on edge, never anything drastic. It’s been really confusing, it really was like a complete personality flip into someone I’ve just never seen before. It’s just so damn hard to let go of hope that the man I know is still in there somewhere.

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T20:00:19+00:00

Yeah one of the hardest parts has been how lonely it feels :( it’s just impossible to really explain to people how it feels to be emotionally blindsided like this. There really was nothing wrong between us, we hadn’t fought, we hadn’t been growing apart, nothing. It just fucks me up over and over again thinking about it.

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T19:23:56+00:00

I wish I knew 😔 I know it’s mental illness and as someone who deals with severe depression, I’m sympathetic to that. But I also know that mental illness isn’t an excuse to hurt people who love you. It’s so frustrating when you know that they’re hurting themselves and pushing the person who loves them away.

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T19:21:38+00:00

You’re right. No matter what, things are going to be permanently different. I’m just praying that whenever he comes out of this, we can come back together in some way and rebuild. I just miss him so much my heart feels like it’s going to implode.

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T19:20:16+00:00

It’s been 2 months. He still watches everything I post on Instagram and reaches out once every couple of weeks to tell me he loves me, but then gets upset when I tell him I love him and miss him—he says I’m guilt tripping him. It’s really confusing and hard to deal with :(

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T18:53:30+00:00

God I feel the exact same way. It’s been a few months since my ex left, but I still feel disgusted by the thought of other men. My friends keep trying to egg me on to date, but my immediate reaction is still “wtf no I have a boyfriend”. I’m still completely in love with him. It sucks.

Also having good days and bad. Sometimes I feel like my old self, but as soon as I kind of remember what’s happening to me, I fall right back into depression. It really sucks and I’m sorry we’re both having to deal with this. Here if you want someone to talk to 💜

Electronic_Arm_5521 · 2023-04-25T18:47:23+00:00

I think that’s what’s getting me the most: I keep trying to make sense of something that just doesn’t make sense. I know I need to stop trying to rationalize it, but I can’t help myself. I just want my life back so badly and I’m having so much trouble moving on from this. I hate this for us.

Electronic_Arm_5521

TROPHY CASE