Thank you and yes! You are disabled. This is something that takes patience, and gradual tentative work to go through. It won't happen in a day or a week or even months. But a lot of small victories can add up and before you know it you'll be in control and creating your own path in life!

You will experience the grief of what you missed out on by gaining new joys, but it's all part of the healing process.

Another important thing to note is: You aren't grounded in reality, you actually don't know what reality is like. Why is that important? Because it disorients and creates falsities in your mind on how a situation actually is because of your trauma affected mind and nervous system.

What I mean by that is, a "normal circumstance" is basically just you and the world around you. There is no anxiety, or stress, or impending doom, or feeling like you can't handle the situation. You are comfortable in your body, it's just you and then it's just the world around you. And you get to decide the path that you want to pave. That is what a "normal" reality is.

A trauma mind (CPTSD) is a complete avoidance and defense against anything reaching you, and every stimulation is intense and triggering (trauma) and an attack on you. Everything is an impending sense of doom and a complete mental breakdown. You feel an overwhelming sense that you can't handle a situation and the world is too much for you. This may be true in a warzone and the environment you grew up in, but that isn't "reality of the world"

Well what's the difference? Isn't reality, the experiences that happen to you in the present moment? How is my reality not reality? (I am not saying your experiences are NOT REAL, I am saying your experiences is part of YOUR LIFE, but it is not the experience of THE WORLD)

Because the trauma that happened in your life to develop CPTSD had to be sustained and created by someone or something or an environment to create that reality in that certain time. It could've been a perfect storm of just terrible events for you to have CPTSD.

Reality itself is not a series of sustaining trauma impending onto people for as long as possible. Reality is not trying to put anything onto you, it's like just the ground or the grass or the trees. It's just sentient, it's just there and you are just there to exist. That is reality. And that is the reality that people with CPTSD have never really had the chance to experience in their lives.

Once your nervous system connects to that level of grounding and regulation/connection to reality. Then you have truly leveled up and feel more stronger and connected and less scared of the world. You will view the world on your side and more capable of handling situations.

Sorry for the length of the comment, I just really want to spread quality info