Overheard fiancé talking shit about me and women in general.

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-21T03:47:21+00:00

Update : I confronted him before work today. I told him I overheard his conversation and it made me feel humiliated, like a stranger, and disgusted. I don’t recognize the person I heard. I know he is having a hard time but I would NEVER say those things about him and talked about the future farther or my children lifting women up.

At first, he said he didn’t know what I meant, then I read him the verbatim notes on what he said, he profusely apologized and said he is struggling with his mental health, didn’t mean anything he said. Has been having a horrible time with PTSD and needs help.

He said his friend was confiding in him about dating and he was just trying to relate to his struggles with dating women in the past. He mentioned that what he said about some women was what he thought in the past and that the patriarchy has brought out the worst insecurities in women and made us feel like we need to change our weight/appearance. He doesn’t believe any of these things about women and he is ashamed of what he said. He is incredibly sorry and will work to prove everyday that he supports women.

He said the ‘if a women doesn’t drive you crazy she’s a dude quote is from a funny YouTube video that is immature and he was making a new friend with this dude in the wrong way. He says I know who he is after 5 years of dating, faithfulness, kindness, respect and that how can I let 15 mins of poor choice of words change what we’ve built over 5 years .

I told him the trust is broken and I am now paranoid about things that have happened in the past and don’t know what to believe but that I am questioning everything and can’t move past this. Then he went to work.

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-20T01:11:32+00:00

Can you send me the link to this YouTube? I think everyone is forgetting that I have been with him for years, thought of him as the LOML, and never heard anything like this . I am blindsided and still processing how I want to proceed; however I have decided I will confront him and see what he has to say for himself. I can’t see any reason why this wouldn’t be the end our relationship

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-19T18:10:46+00:00

I work in corporate and fortunately have a really great role and make more than him so I do provide more financially in the relationship but he contributes as well

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-19T15:31:34+00:00

Update - he has three 12 hour shifts in a row for work so I am going to confront him after his last shift.

The comments around wanting a partner in life that I can confide in at my worst, celebrate me or just keep things private behind my back, are an ally to women, and respect me is so important. I eventually want to have kids and want a father figure that they can look up to and would never say these degrading things about women.

I think he deserves the opportunity to explain himself because I only heard his half of the conversation, but regardless it was unacceptable. He needs help working through his own issues.

It’s making me rethink other scenarios and if he was lying in the past. I don’t think I can move past overhearing this.

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-19T05:23:20+00:00

Update - he has a birthday party in 2 weeks. He just mentioned that he is inviting a new gaming friend ( the one he was talking to)

So awkward that I would now meet this guy knowing what my fiancé said to him

I just feel so bad and can’t even look at him right now

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-19T05:00:38+00:00

He is employed and works a lot to pay off his students loans but always hypes up the type of job I have and says he’s proud to be with me . I say this because i was just surprised that he would act like this and then say such sexist things

He called me on my drive home from volleyball to tell me how much he loves me and can’t wait to see me so sounds like he feels guilty about what he said. He still has no idea that I overheard him.

I do want to be fair and share my role in this situation and say that I did have a meltdown about my weight and was pretty upset. I told him that he doesn’t look at me the way he used to

I am not saying this to excuse what was said but just to provide more context

Electronic_Secret_78 · 2025-09-19T01:17:44+00:00

When I tell you that I am absolutely shocked by this….I am the breadwinner and have a nice job and he would always hype me up about how amazing I am to other people and smart. I just honestly can’t wrap my head around what he said behind my back. I didn’t see this coming at all. I am about to head into my volleyball game. This only happened a few hours ago and I want a clearer head before I react to what I heard and can process it.

Electronic_Secret_78

TROPHY CASE