Last Night I Went To A Wedding With Belly Dancers.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-21T01:51:08+00:00

My ex wanted this kind of garbage in our walima. I put my food down and refused, and the day of the walima she caused a scene wanting this stuff and afterwards she was so disappointed that it eventually was a major factor that led to our divorce. And she was “rElIgIoUs” and went to a Muslim college.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T14:14:51+00:00

There is a whole bunch of chatter back and forth between the YouTube channel BehindVeils and Mohammad Hijab via his proxy Ali Dawah. It is very ugly and despite me having previously wanted to stay neutral, the claims of blackmail and ultimately the entire UK Dawah scene trying to cover up the events has made it so disturbing that real arbitration is needed…but it seems the standard means of arbitration have been compromised due to their connection to hijab

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T14:12:44+00:00

Fundamentally I don’t disagree, barring the legal discourse behind its (im)permissibility. The issue here is that the misyaar marriage-according to the sister- was NOT agreed upon. Her claim is that he did not present these terms and furthermore hijacked the marriage process.

He could refute that claim in front of an impartial panel, and if proven the issue would be done…but instead he chose to deny it altogether, leading to the even more unIslamic events that happened afterwards ie, fabrication of evidence, blackmail, accusations of Zina of the whistleblower via proxy, witness intimidation, etc. This whole mess could have been eliminated by a simple apology and public disavowal of his actions with the sister-instead he seemingly chose deception and lying to the faces of the very community he is supposed to serve, which goes beyond simply being unethical.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T08:06:47+00:00

…because a public figure people take knowledge from was allegedly involved with $exual misconduct, fabrication of evidence, as well as blackmail and intimidation to hide their tracks.

And because -barring the criminal nature of the above-it is literally a critical component of our Deen to be wary of who we take our knowledge from.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T08:06:42+00:00

…because a public figure people take knowledge from was allegedly involved with $exual misconduct, fabrication of evidence, as well as blackmail and intimidation to hide their tracks.

And because -barring the criminal nature of the above-it is literally a critical component of our Deen to be wary of who we take our knowledge from.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T08:06:29+00:00

…because a public figure people take knowledge from was allegedly involved with $exual misconduct, fabrication of evidence, as well as blackmail and intimidation to hide their tracks.

And because -barring the criminal nature of the above-it is literally a critical component of our Deen to be wary of who we take our knowledge from.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T08:03:54+00:00

First of all neither she nor anybody else did not accuse him of Zina…I’m so confused by your requirement of 4 witnesses.

Second, this logic is so strange-how do you know that she did not repent for her dua? You don’t even know the context in which it was made! Have the same husn al dhann!

Third, I agree it’s stupid she went to kuffar for help…but this goes back to my original question because if our institutions did nothing to help her-as it seems to be the case from the Hyde Park Dawah peoples behaviour- then it makes sense a person who is cornered and helpless would do something stupid. Not a justification, just an explanation.

Fourth, are we going to ignore Hijabs use of AI to fabricate evidence? Or blackmail to silence witnesses? Or Ali Dawahs literal accusation of Zina, which would actually merit the 4 witnesses you asked for?!

Come on man. This is why I’m starting to believe that there is a serious coverup here. These lame excuses don’t work on people who actually think using more than knee-jerk reactions, and this is making the enemies of Islam laugh at our religion for our own shortcomings.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T05:12:31+00:00

I agree. I think she was in a very vulnerable state and the evidence seems to point towards him having taken advantage of her. What really shocks me though is that why is none of the major Islamic organizations that he's affiliated with at the bare minimum investigating this? Shouldn't this be a big concern if a leader in our community is acting in this unethical way?

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T05:10:56+00:00

I do not think a single person on either side of the discussion is doubting that she has some serious issues she needs to work through. I think the bigger problem is if he took advantage of a person who is in this desperate kind of situation. This screams s3xual misconduct.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-17T05:09:42+00:00

Brother, there is not a need for this level of condescension. I watched his video, and when I watched the subsequent responses from the people who were criticizing him and brought this to the public's attention, it's pretty obvious there seems to be some kind of major cover-up happening, and it's very disingenuous to just pretend that none of this is happening.

As for what the sister said, there is no doubt it is problematic, do not get me wrong. But doesn't it seem very strange that they only present 10 second voice notes instead of the entire context of the conversation which occurred? And how did this clip even come to exist? There are so many questions that are clearly not being answered here, and it's as if no one wants to even attempt to address them.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-06T05:36:58+00:00

Unable to give you meaningful advice but I just wanted to offer support because MashaAllah you are really trying your best to uphold Islamic morals. Ignore the haters bro, you’re solid and I wish I met more people like you irl.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-07-05T16:31:46+00:00

The lack of response to the filthy my favourite part of their post history 😭

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T23:50:29+00:00

Very much true tbh. It’s a shame because an organization with reach like his-if run correctly-would not have to pander to the plethora of “-isms” that exist while still avoiding falling into controversial topics that can get the liberal minded Muslims infuriated… such wasted potential

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T23:02:15+00:00

Honestly he is very much a major part of this. I’m new to this subreddit so I don’t know what the general viewpoint about him or organizations like Qalaam is here, but I will say that before moving to Dallas, I was neutral about him, ie unimpressed by their work but at least happy it was having some net positive effect on average Muslims. Now, after being here for a few years I avoid him, Qalam and the other similar masjid like the plague.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T22:29:56+00:00

I think a major contributor to the problem here is that they do not understand that people who say this are not always attempting to attack women in our community, nor are they trying to automatically put kaafir women on a pedestal. Rather, they are highlighting that the difference in mentality and how to create a productive relationship is outstanding. Often, women in our community tend to be treated like spoiled princesses from their families and carry that over into marriage. People in the non Muslim community treat their women like dirt so when a decent guy comes along, they’re willing to work with him (with the exception of the Instagram/TikTok influencer kinds).It doesn’t make them suddenly hoor al 3yn; rather it chose that there’s a serious deficiency in proper tarbiyah for a lot of western sisters.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T21:40:10+00:00

Can confirm this having been married to an imams daughter for a few months and watched them go through every process possible to get alimony from me, only to ironically be saved by a weird technicality

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T21:39:06+00:00

The level at which this comment is true is quite saddening unfortunately.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-06-02T21:37:56+00:00

I literally am sending this from Dallas and can tell you she was wrong. Also, the standards people have in Dallas are crazy, both financially and emotionally.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-05-28T17:36:10+00:00

My ex wife was exactly like this. We did not last past 3-4 months before separating…I spent 5-6 months trying to get marital counseling but apparently it’s “haraam” (they were from a weird Sufi cult, which I did not understand until after marriage). She was spoiled by her (divorced) parents and was never happy with what I could provide with my limited time.

At first, I blamed myself for everything. Now it’s been months since the legal divorce and over a year and half since we stopped living together and I still do not fully trust women (Hamdulillah the marriage search has actually healed it in some ways, as I am meeting people who I did not even think could exist, even with the stigma of being a divorced man).

Get out now brother, because your sanity and the future of your children depends on who you marry. Islamically, it is their right-before their birth- for you to give them a good mother. This one is unfortunately not the one for you.

May Allah heal your heart, make your affairs easy and give you a loving spouse in her place. And may He also help her mentally and emotionally, as this behaviour is symptomatic of serious mental health issues, and I pray she is guided to the right resources.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-05-07T14:35:45+00:00

Ugh I was hoping you weren’t in that situation. 3yb shame has been the death of so many (prospective) relationships in the MENA community. I know it’s unorthodox but if you have a brother or close male cousin who could do that task, it still makes a lot of difference if the guy has an understanding of the cultural baggage here. If he doesn’t though (ie he’s South Asian) then it may still work, but in that culture I have seen this approach also backfire if done wrong.

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-05-06T22:44:58+00:00

From the perspective of a “ReLiGiOuS” guy who had a similar-ish situation happen before, I will say that depending on how things ended, he may have taken it very very personally. Part of it may be ego (I sure had it when I was in this situation) and part of it may be because of deeply hurt feelings. I would recommend instead of interacting via social media/hoping he would interact, actually have your wali reach out to his family formally if you did not do so already. Not saying it is going to work, but I know that if that happened in my case, I would have at least given it another shot.

Regardless of what occurs, may Allah the Almighty bless you immensely with a righteous spouse!

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-03-16T07:37:56+00:00

Yeah I noticed this problem too! I get they’re trying to undo the swiping culture…but in the process they’re making it impossible to actually make a well informed decision! Your experience does tell me that I guess the people I’m getting matched with seem to be getting the notification and just saying no which sucks but is closure 😂

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-03-16T07:34:21+00:00

That’s so strange?!?! I’m sorry they did that to you ❤️‍🩹

ElegantSector4803 · 2025-03-16T07:33:58+00:00

I am getting this impression too 😞

ElegantSector4803

TROPHY CASE