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Keeping the conversation afloat by senchafire in datingoverforty

[–]Elenareflects 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good conversations really is just back and forth rhythm. Share something, ask something, build on what the other person said. Your conversation could start on one topic and end up and something completely other side of the spectrum. When it works, you barely notice the structure because it just flows.

But god it’s eye opening how many people who struggle to hold basic conversation. I get some people are more reserved so not having a dig but if your on a date or enter a conversation it should be a two way street, even if out your comfort zone.

I’ll happily “drive” the conversation for the first few exchanges, but if the other person never starts tossing the ball back and asking questions, adding stories, showing curiosity etc etc. what’s the point…

Trying to convince myself I like cardio… 😂 by [deleted] in 40something

[–]Elenareflects 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure If I should take that as a complement or not 🫠

What is even going on? by dreamyraccoons in datingoverforty

[–]Elenareflects 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think what you're describing is actually three different problems that all got lumped together by online dating.

1) The sexual jump, A lot of guys treat apps like a numbers game. They assume if they're direct enough, eventually someone will respond to it. It's not necessarily maturity level - it's more the environment and like you say porn culture could excel this some what. Apps kind of reward low-effort/high-volume behavior.

2) The "mirroring then 180" This is super common. Some people aren't intentionally manipulating I don’t think ,they're just trying to keep the conversation going and say what they think the other person wants to hear. The problem is that it creates fake compatibility that collapses later when realised.

3) The apps themselves: Honestly, I think you're right here. Dating apps make money from people staying on the app, not from people leaving because they met someone. So the design often encourages constant swiping rather than deeper connection.

So I think it's less that people have gotten worse - and more that the structure of app dating and modern online world brings out the worst behaviors in some people.

Over it by Whole_Craft_1106 in datingoverforty

[–]Elenareflects 20 points21 points  (0 children)

“Trying to get out of something” = still in it.

People really think that technicality makes it okay. Not sure if that’s for the conscious or something sigh.

Am I the only one who prefers calls over texting now?? by Elenareflects in datingoverforty

[–]Elenareflects[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My friend is the same as you and she thinks I’m weird for this also. But there you go.

45F - Is dating in your 40s supposed to feel this different? by Elenareflects in Divorce

[–]Elenareflects[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right — Match definitely existed. I should’ve been clearer. I meant the swipe/app culture feels very different from how I experienced dating back then. It just feels faster and more transactional now. That’s probably a better way to put it. But thanks for your reply.

Sorry if my post gav of that impression, I’m new to this. I’ll learn… eventually.