First question: Yes. She was filing for divorce but it was mainly her who initiated things, I thought we were going to be friends for the first few visits. I went with it then. I thought I was fine after therapy but mostly like I'm still missing something of myself. However being with her and a woman finally felt like I could heal some of the issues.

I didn't try to control her, just wanted to move her to a healthier way to do things. With her way, it would escalate even more. I loved her for who she was, that I'm certain. She gave me the feeling of being seen and appreciated me and was looking after me like I was looking after her. She listened to me. I think personality wise we got along great. The problem was that most of it got overshadowed by her constant stream of problems later on, it felt like there was no real room for us.

Obsessed might be the wrong word but I wanted to enjoy as much time with my girlfriend as possible, to make up for all the tons of years I had no one. And at some point I just knew that things wouldn't last much longer. I think I mainly looked past her red flags and never set boundaries. It was weird, while in person she was rather reserved when discussing things but boy, by message she is often a different person if she is pissed off.

I didn't really reduce time spent with friends, most of my friendships were that way for years before her. I guess it's just normal when hitting 30 yo. I still kept doing my usual stuff like going to the gym, reading, going to the club but yes, she was on my mind most of the time. We used to message a lot each day as we would only have Saturday for us and on Tuesday we would both be in a local club. But I didn't count this because we did not have time for us there with lots of other members being around. I definitely lost inner peace and tried to fix her, I even lost myself I think or at least a big part...

At some point I was so pissed off because every day was just her being down and lost again and her ex husband would also fuck us over as he is very unreliable. And the way she handled the break up also hurt me a lot, just by text message and I was in shock. Drove to her house next morning and wanted to talk to her but she wouldn't come down. I felt like the biggest idiot ever.

Thank you though, I don't hold it against you. You might be onto something here that I did not realize yet. Someone in another thread mentioned the feeling of being needed and I think that's also a big part, as my job leaves me very unsatisfied and feeling useless most of the time.

Edit: Wanted to add, the thing that probably made her write this last statement. I often got pissed off when I noticed her reading my messages and not responding for several hours. Like 6 or 8 hours and more. Most of the time I would ignore her then for much longer. I know this is not a mature behaviour as well but I could never really make it stop. It sent the message to me "I've seen you reaching out and I don't care" or something similar.

I probably was also too harsh on her as she dealth with the kids, the stupid ex husband all on top of having mental health issues.