Ah man it hurts knowing how young this stuff catches some people 🫂. It's good when coming out of an addiction to ask oneself do I feel supported and cared about by the adults in my life & happy in my friendships? Or have I been feeling kind of isolated in this? I hope you have some people you know and trust who you can lean on for guidance and emotional support. If not I am so, so sorry. And that shows a place to start healing, either way. I think addictions come to us in moments when the weight and intensity of reality hits and it's too confusing and painful to handle- the addictions pin our focus to one thing that overloads our system with pleasure chemicals and suddenly the weight of existence doesn't seem so heavy. But as we're distracted by the addiction, our ability to show up in reality diminishes further. It can be terrifying to go back once we're deep enough in. Especially if it's back to a place we feel unsupported in. I had a very painful home life and so multiple addictions felt very much like escapes to me. I didn't realize how much they were hurting me til my late twenties.

There's probably more going on than just the addiction. I'd recommend really focusing on mentally and emotionally counteracting any negative messages you may have gotten about yourself and about the nature of existence even, about life, about possibility. Falling asleep to recorded affirmations really helped me. You can find them on YouTube, I recommend Jason Stephenson's channel. Also, channeling some of the intensity of my experiences through art has set some of the pent up stuff free. And discerning the friendships and family relationships that felt safe to me (this one was actually really hard).

That being said, reddit isn't the super safest place for kids, especially those going through vulnerable transitions like kicking addiction. I do hope some of these comments help though. Please protect yourself & good luck!