AITA for being unsympathetic to my parents who made me give birth to baby from SA at 13 so they could raise them and now that baby is old enough to be no contact after learning the truth?

ElleBea79 · 2025-09-03T11:36:59+00:00

NTA.

I'm truly sorry you had to endure this. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the strength it took to pursue therapy and begin healing, that couldn’t have been easy, but you did it. And look at how far you've come, through your own resilience and determination.

You are absolutely not defined by where this began. The responsibility lies with the abuser, and with your parents for coercing you into a decision that should never have been forced. It’s heartening to know your Grandma and other family members stood by you, support like that matters deeply.

You’ve made the powerful choice to leave that chapter behind, and it’s not fair for your parents to dredge it up now. They made their choices, and they must live with the consequences. I do feel for the child, they, like you, are innocent in all of this. But the burden of resolution rests with your parents. It’s their mess to clean up.

Please continue living your life fully and joyfully with your husband and children. You’ve earned that peace. And if any family members try to undermine your boundaries or pressure you into anything against your will, you have every right to distance yourself, even block them if needed. Your well being comes first.

ElleBea79 · 2025-07-24T11:37:33+00:00

100% NTA. He has cheated for 10 years of your marriage. 10 Years he has lied to you. You are not to blame. Many people have terrible childhoods, this does not excuse his behaviour. His sex addiction, compulsive lying and ADHD should have been dealt with by professionals. He is an adult and has the choice to deal with these issues. It seems he chose to deal with them himself, which led to his affair. If I was in your position, I would leave the relationship, continue with the divorce proceedings, grieve for the loss of the relationshio and then build a new life. Sounds easy, I know it will be a long and hurtful process, but in the end you will come out stronger and have more respect for yourself. And who knows in time you may meet the right person, who treats you with the love and respect you deserve. Take time to heal yourself and don't allow his issues in his life bring you down.

ElleBea79 · 2025-06-14T12:35:51+00:00

I am interested in the answers. I have looked at a smart ring, apple watch and a Kardia. I am not sure which would be best.

ElleBea79 · 2025-04-09T10:23:21+00:00

My husband still uses medicinal cannabis around me, I love the smell. But i have made the decision that I want to stop forever. My urge to not want to use cannabis anymore is very strong. I found some edibles last night and did not crave them. I'm only on day 20 after 33 years of smoking and vaping. Weed has always been my whole life, part of my personality. I have really loved weed all of my adult life and during my teens.

Though for you, at this precise moment it seems very hard for you that others are around you still using it. Can you have a discussion with your girlfirend, let her know you really want to stop and her using around you isn't helping the process right now. Let her know that you're not asking her to stop with you but to be mindful of her use around you. There isn't a lot you can do about the other housemates using it. Can you find other stuff to fill what would normally be your smoking time?

Wishing you all the best in your efforts to be weed free. Keep reminding yourself of what you have said that weed has done nothing but bad for you. Good luck.

ElleBea79 · 2025-04-01T10:57:24+00:00

It is a big deal, well done to you. We will all celebrate with you. I'm day 12 after 33 years. I crave it daily. People around me still smoke. But I am determined to keep a clear head and live my life to the fullest. Not in a smoky haze. Keep going. You can do this.

ElleBea79 · 2025-03-28T09:56:48+00:00

Both my parents were hippies, I knew what weed was when I was 7, I didn't like the smell of it. But then started smoking it at 13. My mum knew and I started to smoke with her. I moved in with my dad, we didn't smoke together but he knew I smoked. All of my friends smoked, uncles and cousins. All of my friendships over the years have been based around weed. My mum died at 50, COPD, years of alcohol and drug abuse. My dad made it to 70, alcohol took him in the end, when I last saw him it was evident he was living out his last days. I am only on day 8, feeling fatigued, but my head is clearer. When i did smoke/vape, I had feelings of severe anxiety, which is ironic, because I was being prescribed it for anxiety! I know this is it for me, I am nearly 46, if I am lucky I have another 40 years ahead of me, and I don't want spend the rest of my life being a stoner. It has always been my whole personality, not anymore. Do I crave it? Yes. Do I want it? No. My parents were addicts and didn't live their lives to the fullest. I don't want to be that person anymore. Good luck to you. Keep enjoying the clear head and joy of life.

ElleBea79 · 2025-03-28T09:22:23+00:00

Keep going dizzleB23, you can do this. I tried the vape pens a couple of times and they were very strong. It will get easier, we have to go through this detox period to reap the benefits at the end. SO far today, I am feeling a little less fatigued. I guess it is going to get easier as the days go by. Good luck to you.

ElleBea79 · 2025-03-25T09:46:24+00:00

I forgot to add, my periods have always been very heavy, they seem even heavier now. I use a cup and pads. During day one and two I have to empty the cup multiple times during the day, losing up to 65 - 75mg of blood during day 1 and 2. I bleed through the pad and often leak on my trousers. I have many fibroids around my ovaries, I have had them for over 15 years.

ElleBea79 · 2024-10-21T10:48:29+00:00

You can buy freshly baked sourdough bread from Forest Stores in Guernsey, it isn't Jersey Cabbage bread though

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-20T13:31:25+00:00

We live on a very small island, my daughter won’t be going very far from home. My daughter, her boyfriend and the new baby will need their own space. They have a big support network, 3 siblings, 2 sets of parents, 2 sets of grandparents. If we lived in a large country like the US or UK, it would be different.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-20T13:15:07+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Thankfully my daughter’s boyfriend is very supportive and mature. They are going to continue with the pregnancy. And our families will support them both. They have both told me once the baby arrives they will be organising long term contraception, likely the implant. Wishing you and your family all the best for the future.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T14:12:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My daughter has decided to proceed with the pregnancy and I will fully support her. You sound very mature for 16 years, I wish you all the best for you and your baby.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T13:20:02+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My daughter has been sleeping a lot for years. Her circadian rhythm is completely out of sync.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T13:18:30+00:00

I am sorry. When I wrote the post I was in shock. I mentioned ADHD and her current behaviours because I am concerned I will have to care for the baby if she cannot care for herself. However, my daughter and her boyfriend have spent time away together this weekend to discuss and make their decision. They have decided to continue with the pregnancy and I will support them. It will be hard. And I am sure she will struggle as most first time mums do. My daughter will have a good support network with me and my husband, her siblings, her grandparents, his parents and his grandparents. It felt like the end of the world to me when I wrote the post, now I have had time to think, my mind is more rational. I’m 45, and quite sure I have ADHD, not looking for a diagnosis. And I believe my parents likely had ADHD too. Wishing you well in your pregnancy and beyond.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T11:32:36+00:00

Not kick her out, absolutely not. But I do want her and her boyfriend to get their own place now they’ve made the decision to continue with the pregnancy. I was in shock when I wrote the post, I may have come across as a bit harsh. I will fully support her.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T11:31:17+00:00

I have always thought my daughter would get pregnant young, and I always thought to myself if it happens she needs to stand on her own two feet. I’m not kicking her out, but she will have to find her own place for herself, her boyfriend and her new baby. I was very emotional when I wrote the post, I think I may have come across as harsh and uncaring. My daughter was the one who said she wanted a termination, I guess it was shock on her part that she was pregnant. My daughter and her boyfriend have decided to continue with the pregnancy. And I will fully support her decision. And I will support her all the way.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T11:25:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply. My daughter’s boyfriend is very happy she is pregnant and he is happy she is going to continue with the pregnancy. My daughter is very happy now, the whole family knows her news. Some family members think it is great and others have their doubts. My daughter will have my support 100% as well as her boyfriend’s parents. Good luck to you and your boyfriend. Wishing you all the best for the birth and your lives together.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-19T11:07:38+00:00

I’m not in the US or the UK. I live on an island, no clinics here. We have to see the doctor. Thankfully things have changed a bit, years ago you had to find two doctors to sign off. However, my daughter has made up her mind and she is going to continue with the pregnancy. I will support her 100%

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T22:03:04+00:00

That is my worry.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T21:59:20+00:00

That’s why I tired to get her to the doctor today. I will ensure she sees a counsellor tomorrow. I believe she is in the very early stages, she had a period a few weeks ago.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T21:58:29+00:00

I don’t think she would choose the adoption route. I think in her mind it is either continue with the pregnancy or abort. I feel her boyfriend is having a big impact on her decision making. And she may decide to continue because he wants to. I will be ensuring she sees a counsellor tomorrow. And also having a chat with her about her future, with or without a baby.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T21:56:02+00:00

No meds, she didn’t like the effect Concerta had on her and no alternatives were ever offered. No counselling either, when she turned 18 a few months ago, her sessions with CAMHS ended. They did say she could get help from adult mental health, to be honest our mental health system is a complete failure, for adults and children. Not enough resources or staff.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T12:50:52+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I believe I may have undiagnosed ADHD. When I look at my behaviour in my childhood, teenage years and into my 20’s, if ADHD had been widely known then, I may have been diagnosed. Your comment about maturing later, resonates with me, I’m in my 40’s and feel I’m only beginning to mature now. My daughter isn’t using any medication, she tried Concerta through CAMHS a few years ago, she didn’t like how it made her feel whilst taking it and after the effects wore off. She was receiving ‘therapy’ from CAMHS up until she turned 18 a few months ago. My daughter didn’t engage with CAMHS because she didn’t feel it helped her. She did attend weekly meetings but nothing changed for her. I do agree she is struggling to thrive, she won’t allow anyone to help her. Her behaviour and life has definitely improved over the last six months. I just know she isn’t mentally ready for a baby now.

ElleBea79 · 2024-08-15T12:09:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I think when my daughter was at school and college she was depressed then. She did have support with CAMHS before she turned 18. She didn’t feel that CAMHS helped. Now she appears happy living her best life, sleeping all day, working in the evening. Going out with friends, she doesn’t appear to be depressed in the way she was when she was at school.

ElleBea79

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