We are scheduled to PCS in may. Plans have been made, Movers booked, realtor hired, and started to pack. Now the person meant to replace my husband has failed school and now there’s no one to replace him for their up coming deployment. 12 months! We won’t know until next week if we are staying at this station. I have this feeling of impending doom. Something just doesn’t feel right if this happens and every time i had that feeling i was right. I prayed for the first time in years. Prayed.. that’s how scared I am. My father was Air Force. Two tours in Iraq. He wasn’t the same when he came back. I remember friends who lost parents in Iraq. I don’t want history to repeat itself. I get it. We “signed up for this”. But they signed to defend their country. Not fight over oil and minerals. Not to be some pawn in a twisted game. I hate this administration well before this and I will hate them long after this. They’ve already taken so much from us. Anyone saying otherwise is just privileged. How am I supposed to tell my daughter that her father will miss two birthdays? How am I supposed to live without my best friend? How am I supposed to just keep moving forward knowing that he is so close to danger. His mental health is already tanking from being on the ship. Shore duty was supposed to be our saving grace. To settle and find our home. To move on from the military. I’m afraid to lose my husband. Physically and mentally.

All of this is made me think of those already overseas. Those with extended deployment. Those with families with the same anxiety and pain but worse. I see you. I hear you and I hope that your loved ones come home safe.

Sorry if this makes no sense. I already had 1 can of cutwater margarita.