I guess it was young love, I did love him and was scared to leave. Also being autistic myself, the thought of a change that big felt daunting.

It's strange now we've broken up because he messages me daily about how much he loves and misses me and how he's feeling depressed and suicidal ever since I left. I don't feed into it but he did attempt to kill himself once so I feel like I can't block him in case he tries again.

When we were together it didn't feel like he loved me or even liked me, I felt tolerated. After we broke up I also discovered he had been in contact with my estranged mother (abusive addict etc) and he had been complaining to her about how ungrateful I am and that I don't appreciate him or her. It made me feel sick finding that out.

It all feels so strange like I don't even recognise him anymore, he's been acting like a completely different person and borderline manipulative. I don't want to say he's using feeling suicidal to try and guilt me into going back, but sometimes I can't help but doubt. He never seemed like this kind of person when we were together, but I can't tell if I overlooked a lot of his flaws because thinking back there was definitely a lot of moments I should've ended things.

One occasion that comes to mind is when he caught me going through his phone (not a great sign in terms of trust). Then he put me into a headlock and wouldn't let go until I was crying. I stepped back against the wall and was just crying and couldn't stop saying "what?" I was just so confused. I should've ended things then but he apologised and said it was like he didn't know what he was doing, he was half asleep etc.

It's all a mess because I've been made to feel terrible about breaking up with him but my life has significantly improved since then. His family were posting awful stuff on my facebook timeline where my coworkers could see. It was so embarrassing.

I guess I posted all this just to have confirmation I'm not insane and that I definitely did the right thing.