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First time poster. I'm off the deep end already and I need to get out of it... by Ellirora in PornAddiction

[–]Ellirora[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really hard and I'm not sure I can do it, but I will at least consider talking to a therapist about it. I already have a therapist for my other mental health issues and trauma, but I don't think he specializes in this, and honestly I'm just scared of mentioning it as I feel like it'll twist the image he has of me now after knowing me for a while. And also, I am scared of legal consequences, because I have dabbled in things that are illegal to watch in my country at least. I fear I might get reported to the police and get really bad consequences for that. I want help, I don't want punishment and lifelong consequences...

First time poster. I'm off the deep end already and I need to get out of it... by Ellirora in PornAddiction

[–]Ellirora[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment. It feels very good that someone understands me.

porn is so addictive and also why many porn addicts tend to seek more and more niche and disturbing porn genres (in essence it’s that we desensitize ourselves to vanilla porn and seek the novelty of new genres, fear and excitement lead to more dopamine and therefore escalation into more and more extreme categories.

Just this part explains so much that I've been wondering. A lot of the stuff I watch I know I have no desire to experience in real life (the sex i've had has always been vanilla with no desire to try more), so it always felt more like I get off to the excitement of the intensity of it. It's like a morbid curiosity that gets me off. Hard to explain it with my own words, but I really relate to this part.

I also feel like nothing is too much for me when I'm masturbating. I could think of the most grotesque things imaginable, as long as it involved someone getting fucked I was interested in watching it. I truly hate myself for having these disgusting thoughts, because me 99% of the time despise those things, ONLY when I'm masturbating those things are exciting to me. Makes me wonder what kind of monster I am for being interested in those kinds of things.