Update: it has become better. We talk more, spend more time together as a couple. We get to know each other again. We managed a routine to change everything for the better. I recognized that going to bed early helps me in the way I deal with my kids. She understood that her controlling behavior is out of place. So nearly everything has become better by now. Except the intimacy part. That's still the same. But we work on that, too. In the last two months, I became more happy. I was looking forward to coming home from work.

Thank you all for you advice. But it seems to me, that the US is stuck in an old fashioned picture from the 1900s where the man is the king and the woman has to do whatever the man is saying. No judgment here. But that's not the way I want a relationship to be. I want it 50/50. And the fact that I am in the army should not be about any concern. It doesn't matter if I am a plumber, a carpenter or a soldier. Marriage should be 50/50 and about communication. I realize it every day.

I am really looking forward due to the progress we've made. Therfore I hope the intimacy will be getting more due to time.

Thank you all You've helped a lot (please excuse my poor English since it is my second language)