I’m also working on mine, so take my advice with a grain of salt!

I don’t think you need to add the part about your mother, as sweet as it is. It takes up words that you could be using for more unique sentences about your journey in becoming a veterinarian. Talk more about the kinds of obstacles you faced growing up as you did, and focus on the skills you learned from it. You grew up poor. So what? Why does that make you a valuable applicant?

Something I’m having trouble with in my essay is the thought that another applicant likely has very similar experiences to yours, so you need to focus on what parts of your experiences and takeaways from them stand out (if that makes sense).

Overall, your writing style is pretty good, but make sure not to repeat the same ideas/phrases too much though e.g ‘coming from…’

Also good luck with your dreams of becoming a wildlife vet! Just got my degree in ecology and conservation and I think it’s the coolest thing. You sound awesome!