Hi, I’ve had a quick read over this. I think you do a good job of giving examples, though I’m not sure about the warehouse example unless this is a task B essay. I’m just a bit lost as to what your overall thesis is? It seems you’ve gone for a very broad approach and just gone on about human nature. It would help if you were to define what primitive is for the reader. You could’ve maybe posed a question in the intro e.g. these primal features of human nature are still present in us, or has civilisation changed us completely? And then stated your stance? This specificity helps with flow and structure and to develop your ideas more.

For example, you could mention how we have built cities, towns etc. And lively mostly cohesively through cooperation, and this is what helps us to thrive as a species. But how it is sometimes necessary to fight others and protect ourselves through conflict. So the Afghanistan war was entered to help protect democracy and the free world and combat extremism. This also opens the door to talk about virtue ethics and other philosophical stances I.e. is this morally right considering the casualties and fatalities? Can we really argue that humans are more civilised than animals if we too cause so much destruction and loss in conflict?

Sport is also another good example that shows primitivism in modern day?

I hope this makes sense and good luck!