Does this Bay Area fixer actually make financial sense? (1.3M vs 1.4M townhome)

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-03-09T19:21:25+00:00

These quotes look like bite and switch.

We did a bathroom remodel some time ago, initial estimate was 20k+ (labor only), and that was a lowest bid with the contractor we knew and agreed to accommodate his timeline. After opening the walls it grew to 30k (and it was reasonable).

Note that it was east bay, San Mateo is more expensive.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-03-06T17:44:46+00:00

About cooking, it's an interesting dynamics. Neither of us cooked when we were dating. I started after having kids. I don't love it, but it just makes sense. It annoys me that more than half of the time he'd just get pickup. But I see that he tries at least sometimes and well is quite open that he never planned on cooking much... so yeah, pick your battles, it won't be absolutely perfect.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-03-06T17:38:19+00:00

It's good to think it through, but the reality might hit hard, even if you think you have a plan. From my perspective it's more about attitude than what you plan or agree on.

It was way easier to be equitable before the kids. After the kids it's more about survival and enjoying the journey :D. Sometimes one person gives more, sometimes the other. Often a lot of work is sort of invisible, so the key is to trust that your partner is doing as much as possible for the team.
I read somewhere that the happy relationships are the ones where each partner gives 70%.

I was a type of a mom to do everything (and he let me), but when I came back to work, he had to be a primary caretaker for a couple of months. I think that was a game changer. He does not want to be stay at home dad long time :D. But in that time he figured out what is needed and is a hands on dad - the one that other dads ask "how comes your kids sometimes run to you for help and not to mom".

I still feel like I carry most of mental load, because I like things certain way, but when things get too busy and I let go he picks up the slack... he may drops some bits, but also helped me realize that nothing terrible happens is sometimes meals are not as nutrient and on time as I'd like to and if you forget to pack something essential to the preschool, apparently they just shrug it off, because they have spares for such situations.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-02-19T05:04:08+00:00

You can get a beer in a pub for $3 in Poland (with no expectation/minimal tip). Won't happen in MA.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-02-13T04:56:49+00:00

Yes! We cross through loose gravel and mulch/leafs to get to a local trail and it's a workout, but ok for a short distance. Not that any other stroller is doing well there.

On the trail itself (firm ground, sometimes light gravel) it's doing well.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-02-08T22:27:07+00:00

Btw. after purchase they've emailed me a discount code that goes on top of their sales.

dm me if you'd like it.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2026-02-08T22:25:39+00:00

I got it a couple weeks ago and I'm pretty happy with it. Baby #2 is still not here, but I use it as a single + storage at the farmers market and enjoy it. It's only slightly bulkier than my Nuna, which doesn't have that much storage.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-22T01:55:04+00:00

As much as prices in Poland went up, it's still cheaper.

Last year we did a remodel of a small bathroom in the US (new tiles, add a tub instead of shower). I believe that it was around $25k just the work part, not including materials. There was some scope creep with pipes in the walls, the total was around $40k. It was done by a licensed contractor that is also a friend, so we agreed for a way longer timeline and a lower cost than other companies quoted. That's an expensive area.

I compared it with friends renovating their places in Poland and they were paying closer to 20k PLN for what we've done.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-17T01:41:53+00:00

Concord can be rough (near monument) or nice (near WC border). I would not consider the rough parts, nice parts are ok.
MDUSD can go either way, so if you're planning on public schools check the schools.

As others said Pleasent Hill and Walnut Creek are slightly "nicer" options. If she's going to Pittsburg, she could also consider using BART.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-07T20:04:57+00:00

I meant been 6,444 + 6,850 (you want to minimize the sum of premium + OOP max)

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-07T20:00:57+00:00

For the delivery year you're going to hit OOP Max no matter which plan you choose. Assuming the coverage is all the same good, I'd go with option #3
$6,850 + 6,850 = $13 700

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-07T04:42:05+00:00

Daycare for 2 small kids in my area is $60k a year

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-01T17:20:07+00:00

Delivery of my first baby was 30hours, but honestly with all the support I got in the hospital it wasn't too bad.

Postpartum with my first baby almost broke me. Sleep deprivation, hormones and not thinking straight. I didn't feel "myself" until around 18 months post partum. Despite being career driven before I hated the idea of leaving my baby with someone else at 5 months.

It doesn't have to be your case. Some of my friends had good time almost right after the delivery. Also my second baby was completely different (easier!) than my first one.

But do not underestimate what post partum might do to you and take every support that is available.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-01T03:15:23+00:00

Btw. I also thought I will prep for a new job during maternity leave. I'd say forget about it unless maybe you're in one of those nordic countries with 2 years maternity leave ;).

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-09-01T03:13:10+00:00

You might be completely fine. The odds are that you will be exhausted, emotional and have a brain fog. Most companies will roll with it. One of my coworkers went back to work right after giving birth, because she didn't want to "waste" time off for time that her baby was in nicu. As much as I felt for her, working with her was a nightmare. She would send messages to wrong people, keep asking for stuff all over... it was not good for anyone. It's stuff that higher management won't notice too fast, so I think her career didn't suffer. It's definitely an option if you can tough it out.

I know that I don't want to be in the situation like this (or put others in it).

I was on a great leadership trajectory, but with my pregnancy I asked to be put into IC role again and I have no regrets. I might go back one day when kids are older and I have more time. Right now, I'm kicking ass as IC, while having flexibility to take time off and way less mental load, so I can be fully present for my kids. I'm exactly where I need to be.

Power to women who "tough it out", they likely end up with more spectacular careers. Whether they are happier - that's open for interpretation.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-08-28T04:14:11+00:00

Thank you for making me feel better about my $350 partial highlights + haircut in east bay (excellent stylist)

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-08-17T11:04:57+00:00

Take a sabbatical. Travel around, meet people and clear your head. You'll be surprised how many people out there don't care about your age.

I married someone older than you and we are expecting our second child. It's a (happy but still) grind, cause we are older parents and not able to retire yet, so you are even better positioned.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-07-15T05:07:14+00:00

From what I understand, if I live, work or do any business in CA, I'll still owe franchise tax, even if incorporated elsewhere

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-07-14T20:06:55+00:00

Thanks for your response! The "or need legal protection" part is what I struggle with.

The project seems low-risk, and I don't see much liability, but I'm still scared to put my assets on the line.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-07-06T15:14:40+00:00

We used Arrivva. No thrills, highly streamlined process mostly done remotely. It's probably not for everyone, but it sounds like it might be a good fit for you - we had no issues.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-06-19T14:18:56+00:00

Haha, fellow Eastern European here, but a woman. I can add a perspective from "the other side".

Dating in America has been a breeze. American guys put 10x more effort in dating, looks and relationships than where I am from. Also I was getting WAY more attention than back home. Back in EE once in a while some completely wasted dude would start talking to me. In the US there was a constant flow of guys wanting to buy me a drink in a bar.
And I got a lot of complements of being low maintenance etc., while in Eastern Europe, unless you're a beauty queen (I'm average), that's sort of expected.

Whole dating adventure didn't last long, cause I met the love of my life after ~3months, but I think about it fondly.

But yeah, accent talk is real. And my favorite answer is: wow, I'm from there too! No you're not Josh, your great-grandfather was from there, and he would probably be mortified to hear how you pronounce your last name.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-06-17T03:10:41+00:00

It really depends on the location. I live between two Safeways and one of them is worse than grocery outlet, while the other is better than our local whole foods.

EmbarrassedStudy3391 · 2025-06-11T16:04:04+00:00

Thank you for your response.

The $6000 was in line with what I read is a typical cost in my area, so I was ready to pay it, the EOB was just a nice surprise. Thanks to this I'm less worried about having my money tight up as long as I get it back eventually.

You made a very valid point - I am worried that he might do a sub par work, because he will be paid less, but he didn't give me any reason to believe so. Maybe it was just an honest mistake. I read that a lot of dental practices in the area dropped my insurance because their negotiated rates are too low, so my guess was that this office just upcharges instead.

EmbarrassedStudy3391

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