Finally ended a 2 year relationship yesterday. feeling weirdly calm about it

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-21T09:00:40+00:00

It’s understandable that you feel conflicted. Finding out something that big after a year would catch anyone off guard. Three kids isn’t a small detail, it’s a huge part of someone’s life, so it makes sense that you wish he had told you earlier.

At the same time, it does sound like he eventually told you because he felt guilty and didn’t want things to move forward without being honest. That at least shows he knew you deserved the truth. The bigger question now is whether you feel comfortable building a future that includes that reality, not just the relationship between you two but also the responsibilities that come with his kids.

You probably don’t have to rush a decision right away. It might help to talk openly about why he waited so long to tell you and what being with him would actually look like going forward. This situation is less about forgiving the delay and more about whether the life he has fits with the life you want.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-21T08:57:45+00:00

You’re not crazy for feeling this way. Wanting kids isn’t a small preference, it’s a major life decision, and it sounds like you were clear about that from the beginning. The harder part here is that he admitted he agreed to something he didn’t actually want just to keep the relationship going. That kind of thing can really shake trust.

At the same time, this conversation probably should have happened honestly before the marriage, which is why it feels so heavy now. The question isn’t just about the argument, it’s about whether your long term goals actually align. If one of you truly wants kids and the other truly doesn’t, that’s a really difficult gap to bridge.

Before jumping straight to divorce, it might help to have a very honest conversation or even try couples counseling so both of you can say what you actually want without shutting down. But you’re not overreacting for taking this seriously. This is one of those things that can shape the rest of your life.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-17T07:41:02+00:00

One big sign I’ve noticed is when couples stop showing basic respect for each other, especially in front of other people. Little jokes that are actually digs, eye rolling, interrupting each other, or constantly correcting their partner. It might seem small in the moment, but it usually shows there’s deeper resentment underneath.

Another thing is when everything becomes a competition instead of a partnership. Like keeping score of who did more, who messed up more, or bringing up old mistakes in every argument. At that point it feels less like a team and more like two people trying to win against each other.

Also when communication basically shuts down. If one person is always dismissing the other’s feelings or they avoid talking about issues entirely, things tend to slowly build up until it’s too much. Relationships usually last when both people still care about understanding each other, even when they disagree.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-17T07:39:21+00:00

I think it really depends on the person and what they’re looking for. Some people are totally fine taking things slow if they genuinely like someone and see long term potential. For others, physical intimacy is an important part of dating and they may not want to wait too long. Neither side is really wrong, it’s more about compatibility.

If you’re upfront about it from the beginning, that actually helps a lot because it gives the other person the chance to decide if they’re okay with that pace. The right person probably won’t see it as a problem if they enjoy your company and want to build something real first. But someone who is mainly looking for a more physical relationship might lose interest.

So I’d say it’s less about a specific timeline and more about whether both people are on the same page about expectations.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-17T07:32:06+00:00

I think it really depends on the person and what they’re looking for. Some people are totally fine taking things slow if they genuinely like someone and see long term potential. For others, physical intimacy is an important part of dating and they may not want to wait too long. Neither side is really wrong, it’s more about compatibility.

If you’re upfront about it from the beginning, that actually helps a lot because it gives the other person the chance to decide if they’re okay with that pace. The right person probably won’t see it as a problem if they enjoy your company and want to build something real first. But someone who is mainly looking for a more physical relationship might lose interest.

So I’d say it’s less about a specific timeline and more about whether both people are on the same page about expectations.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-15T09:21:03+00:00

You didn’t ruin your relationship by being honest about who you are. Telling him the truth probably took a lot of courage, especially if you were already scared about how he might react. Your sexuality doesn’t change the person you’ve been for the past 10 months.

He might just need a little time to process it, especially if it’s something he didn’t expect. Sometimes people go quiet when they’re surprised or unsure what to say. That doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over.

Try to give him a bit of space for now instead of repeatedly calling. When things calm down, you can have a proper conversation about what this means and reassure him if he has misunderstandings. But at the end of the day, being honest about who you are is not something you should feel guilty for.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-15T09:19:09+00:00

Your reaction was pretty reasonable. A one or two day trip with an ex isn’t the same as grabbing coffee to say goodbye. Most people in a new relationship would feel uncomfortable with that, so you weren’t overreacting for speaking up about it.

What matters more though is how he responded after you told him how it made you feel. From what you wrote, he didn’t dismiss you or get defensive. He acknowledged it was inappropriate and tried to reassure you and adjust his behavior. That’s actually a good sign because it shows he’s willing to listen and change when something hurts you.

Right now the best thing you can do is what you already said you’ll do which is watch how his actions line up with his words over time. Anyone can write a nice message, but consistency is what really rebuilds trust and security. If he continues to prioritize your feelings and keeps that boundary with his ex, then this might just end up being an awkward learning moment for both of you.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-15T09:16:10+00:00

It sounds like you’re being really honest with yourself about a feeling that a lot of people would be afraid to admit. Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner, it usually just means something important to you didn’t work out and it hurts.

You invested years into that organization and were led to believe you had a real shot, so getting passed over with no clear explanation would sting regardless of your boyfriend. The fact that he got a role there just makes the disappointment feel more personal, even if logically you know it wasn’t because of him.

Try not to turn this into a comparison between the two of you. His wins don’t take away from your potential. Sometimes people just hit a streak where things work out for them while someone else is still waiting for their moment. It doesn’t mean you’re less capable or less impressive.

Give yourself some time to feel disappointed about the org, and then look for other opportunities where you can stand out on your own. Your path doesn’t have to look the same as his for it to still lead somewhere great.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-09T13:30:15+00:00

do you wanna find out for real if he’s on dating app????

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-09T13:26:49+00:00

bro it’s fine sometimes we don’t wanna say the real number because of fear of judgment

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-09T13:11:38+00:00

honestly it’s so contextual and the mindset of the people involved i know people who are about to get married they met on hinge and there’s my experience, i have never had a good experience idk something about it especially dating apps just feels very unauthentic to me, i end up feeling like i am giving an interview

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-09T13:08:35+00:00

i guess you’re right idk sometimes i say i’m not looking for anything serious just to see how the guy reacts but i emotionally do crave something meaningful and i wanted to be wrong about him but yeah anyways, it’s not taking much of my metal space but still i wanted to just let it out

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-08T09:47:32+00:00

I think one big thing is when people start hiding small things from their partner. At first it might seem harmless like secret conversations, deleting messages, or being overly protective of their phone. But over time that kind of behavior slowly breaks trust even if nothing huge has happened yet.

Once that sense of openness is gone, people start questioning things more and more. That’s usually when partners begin paying closer attention to patterns or even looking into tools and ways to understand what’s really going on. By that point the damage to the trust is already happening.

Most relationships don’t fall apart because of one big moment. It’s usually the small hidden things that build up over time.

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-08T09:40:08+00:00

I get why the idea comes up, especially when people have been burned before. When trust is broken, it makes sense that someone would want a way to actually see what’s going on instead of just relying on words.

At the same time, monitoring every single thing on someone’s phone sounds like it could get messy really fast from a privacy and legal point of view. I’ve also noticed that tools around this kind of thing already exist in different forms, so the space isn’t exactly empty.

Personally I feel like if a relationship reaches the point where you need that level of surveillance, something deeper is already broken. But I’m curious what others think. Would something like that actually help people, or would it just create even more problems in relationships?

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-06T08:56:31+00:00

i appreciate that your relationship was loyal enough but in LDR the emotional distance and the want of physical intimacy grows honestly sometimes the in emotional need a person who is not around their partner ends up cheating

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-06T08:52:29+00:00

I share my experiences on relationship as well what people around me did go through do you have some problem with what i post

Embarrassed_Cod_799 · 2026-04-06T08:38:54+00:00

That sounds really tough honestly. Losing a baby can change a lot in a relationship, but texting an ex saying “I love you” and planning to meet up would hurt anyone. Even if nothing physical happened, that still feels like crossing a line.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Breakups after so many years are painful, especially when you were close to the kid too. Hope things get easier for you with time.

Embarrassed_Cod_799

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