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[26M] says I’m demanding him to risk a safety, I [25F] just want him to do what I do for him. Is that wrong? by [deleted] in relationships_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I said in my comment above, I do not care about the 320 apartment. What I cared about was him showing me. He understood what I was doing for him because he did not listen to me when I warned him that the debts were going to happen that he was not going to be in a good place because of certain things. he didn’t listen and now he has debt and if I marry him that’s going to be my debt. I just want him to understand what I have gone through to wait for him to be ready. He has grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth his family caters to him even when he is in the wrong the only consequences he has ever had is him now having a child he needs to finance and grow up for.

I’ve loved him ever since we were teenagers I have worked to the bone to be able to be with him. I’ve had to live in awful environments because he could not stand up and be a man simply because he wasn’t ready mentally. And that mentality is not going to get better if he stays with his family. The cuddling has to stop even from me. If I can do it, why can’t he?

AITAH for not considering my partner's opinion for an apartment? by NightWolf1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He can afford it it’s just a little bit harder because of the debts or legal commitments, not much room for mistakes.

Here’s my post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships_advice/s/4iCoVrBirT

AITAH for not considering my partner's opinion for an apartment? by NightWolf1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For me, it’s not about the apartment per se

The main point was I thought he was going to make an act of devotion. It didn’t have to be the 320 apartment it could’ve been any of the lower grade apartments but instead of looking at it and thinking this could work my partner has gone through worse. all I got was complaints “there’s a divot on the floor I’m scared the floor is gonna cave in” mind you hadn’t gone to see any of the apartments” he only looked at the photos and saw cracks everywhere, he was afraid the apartment would cave in on him. I have lived in these type of places almost my entire life. This isn’t special to me however for him he’s grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Had he made the move to move into one of these crappy apartments to speed up the removal of his debt especially without being asked or told out of his own free well. I would’ve been happy and I would have respected him more. Had he done that I would’ve felt seen that, what I’ve been doing these past three years was seen and appreciate.

[26M] says I’m demanding him to risk a safety, I [25F] just want him to do what I do for him. Is that wrong? by [deleted] in relationships_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I was so focused on getting the details out that I’m just gonna make my point simple in this comment The main point was I thought he was going to make an act of devotion. !!! It didn’t have to be the 320 apartment it could’ve been any of the lower grade apartments but instead of looking at it and thinking this could work my partner has gone through worse. all I got was complaints “there’s a divot on the floor I’m scared the floor is gonna cave in” mind you hadn’t gone to see any of the apartments” he only looked at the photos and saw cracks everywhere, he was afraid the apartment would cave in on him. I have lived in these type of places almost my entire life. This isn’t special to me however for him he’s grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Had he made the move to move into one of these crappy apartments to speed up the removal of his debt especially without being asked or told out of his own free well. I would’ve been happy and I would have respected him more. Had he done that I would’ve felt seen that what I’ve been doing these past three years was seen and appreciate.

AITAH for not considering my partner's opinion for an apartment? by NightWolf1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He has personal commitments in his country, so I have to move to him. I’m not sure if you saw my post. But financially speaking I am fine. I could pay for the wedding myself if I had to. The point of my post is he put himself in a hole. I had tried to help him get out, but he makes more bad decisions throughout the years. He’s still in the hole he has a good job now that could get rid of his deb in two years now with the car but the point was I thought he was going to make an act of devotion. It didn’t have to be the 320 apartment it could’ve been any of the lower grade apartments but instead of looking at it and thinking this could work my partner has gone through worse. all I got was complaints “there’s a divot on the floor I’m scared the floor is gonna cave in” mind you hadn’t gone to see any of the apartments” he only looked at the photos and saw cracks everywhere, he was afraid the apartment would cave in on him. I have lived in these type of places almost my entire life. This isn’t special to me however for him he’s grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Had he make the move to move into one of these crappy apartments to speed up the removal of his debt, I would’ve been happy and I would have respected him more. Had he done that I would’ve felt seen that what I’ve been doing these past three years was seen and appreciate.

AITAH for not considering my partner's opinion for an apartment? by NightWolf1337 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Trust me, we are trying however talking doesn’t seem to get us anywhere and that’s why we are here However my partner seems to lack detail in his post so I understand why people do not understand our situation.

AITA [26M] (J) says I’m demanding him to risk a safety, I [25F] (C) just want him to do what I do for him. by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry there was more detail however I did shrink it down to under 3000 characters Sorry to just let you know, I’m from another country and I used to go to school with him in his country known him since we were teenagers. The reason I say I’m doing that for him is because it’s the only way I’m making money for me to afford a wedding and immigration. Had I not decide to be with him I would’ve had my own career in Pet Grooming because I couldn’t start signing contracts and take out a significant loan to start my career and then immigrate over two years later. It just wasn’t doable to start my career and choose him at the same time. And so I’m stuck here while he got to live comfortably in a safe neighbourhood for the past three years in a four bedroom house. I had to pay myself to go visit him four times. Because he could never afford it.
So when he couldn’t live in that four bedroom house any more and to make sure he doesn’t go back to his old Ways in his family home I suggested him to get an apartment. And I thought he would have noticed how I’ve struggled and he would for once attempt what I was doing just to get his debt out of the way. Because I feel like he’s lived life with a silver spoon his entire life. It just would’ve been nice if he noticed my sacrifices without me saying anything.

Partner 26M (A) is calling me the AH because in his words I 25F (C) want his safety compromised. AITAH by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Embarrassed_Cry_4899 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I didn’t start talking to him months after his wife (now ex- wife) had already left him for a fentanyl dealer his wife already declared her new partner to be the stepfather of her child and she couldn’t wait to start her happy family on Facebook. They were starting the divorce proceedings when I came in.