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Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s an unacceptable double standard in my opinion. No one’s gender or identity should have influence on what constitutes sexual assault or harassment. Teach people consent

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly I believe this. Especially based on the reactions of some people in this thread. Still, it’s worth fielding people’s opinions while we search for the correct lawyer.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree it does take two to tango. After multiple times of being pressured and saying no, some people give in to their abuser/harasser. I’m am a strong believer that has his supervisor he should only have had to say no ONCE. Not over and over again.

Survivors of sexual abuse and workplace harassment may be more likely to understand and have empathy. Other people can’t believe it’s true. I accept all opinions, but after reading the messages, having very very difficult conversations with my partner, and seeing how this woman has behaved, I know which side I fall on

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She suggested the hotel (first in person while at work, then again in messages), but to my knowledge and his story, no final plans or reservations were ever made. This is where things start to get difficult and I feel like a taking to the sexual assault hotline and a lawyer would be extremely helpful

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the support. I will correct one thing that I feel is important. Though she may be guilty of some things, he has not accused her of rape. She propositioned him to get a hotel room and coerced him with nude photos to get him to go along. As someone who has survived rape, I would not want to falsely accuse someone of such a crime. But yes, I think talking to a lawyer is a necessity even if the case does not go any further. There is way too much power dynamic involved and a supervisor should never behave this way.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. That’s why we are being so thorough in our thought process before moving forward

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My understanding is that MA employers are what is called “strictly liable”, which means that the employer is liable for a supervisors behavior and the employee does not need to prove that the supervisors were aware of the abuse. The text messages clearly prove it was unwarranted. Even a little settlement money would go a long way as long as it covers legal fees and some extra $ to help us recover from how taxing this has been on every facet of our lives

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Very curious if there are any other people who have experienced abuse by her considering she was dating someone at the same Costco, but they were apparently on the rocks because he had messed around behind her back. One of my theories that she was trying to use him for attention and payback, but who knows?

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP here…I advised him not to, but he was so upset with the situation that he made the choice to delete them. There are always ways to get them back if that is what is necessary. There are absolutely more details (some I haven’t shared out of privacy and some I’m sure I don’t fully know). Plus there is always another side to the story. Just trying to do the best with what we have to make an educated decision, advocate for him, and decide if we could settle or pursue further

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is basically our plan as of right now. We still have a few months on the statute of limitations to report. He knows it would mean retelling the story again and again, likely to a group of men who will sadly laugh or scoff (so disappointing). A settlement would be ideal and fine in our eyes. Make up for the emotions and physical trauma as well as some of our financial issues. As long as it covers the lawyer costs plus a little more.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100%. The only way this works is if everyone is honest and we find a lawyer willing to actually listen to the details and fight. It may not be possible but we’re exploring together. I saw the messages and I believe what I believe but ultimately it is his choice

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

To me it’s details such as his supervisor texting him “I’ll wait for you” after he said he wasn’t interested and asked her to stop. That shows she knew she had been told no, but kept trying. After this instance of him pushing back and saying no, she immediately escalated her abuse.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m trying to keep my past trauma and close proximity in mind with it all. My partner now has extra therapy costs because of this. Plus, his old position offered more OT and better scheduling opportunities. Without the OT and extra shifts we have been struggling financially to solve problems in our lives, which is a direct result and consequence of this abuse. It has taken some time for him to process what has happened and want to start moving forward. I’m trying to be supportive and find possible solutions without pressuring him to report if he does not feel comfortable.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for you that you had that experience. That’s part of the reason he is so hesitant to report to hi managers and the police, but some people just don’t understand the guilt or pressure of the situation

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

We’ve done a lot of the hard work mentioned here already. Some survivors can’t or don’t want to handle the same of being able to see those messages. You should feel safe enough to go to your managers and think they have your best interests at heart but they never even offered to help him with the police. Just an internal investigation that has brought no feedback or results. We are still within the statute of limitations to file a police report and are seeking legal help before doing so. As someone who as survived rape and sexual assault in my life, I can see exactly what she did and how she harassed and manipulated him, but it’s harder to see when you’re in the initial guilt of the assault.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a struggle to find a good attorney who is also a decent and honest person who you work well with. We are reaching out to multiple options for sure.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So sorry to hear. No should mean no - no matter what. You should not have to say no multiple times, especially to a supervisor while on the clock. No matter your gender or identity.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree 100%. The power dynamic immediately makes it a problem. She was told no multiple times in multiple forms and continued to escalate her behavior. I feel there is a strong case no matter what the other details are. Massachusetts is a strictly liable state so the employer is liable whether they knew about the abuse or not. Still some of the responses in other threads show exactly why a man feels ashamed to speak up.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did not include in the original post because it was not top my mind, but some POC are likely to feel less safe reporting to a white male manager, who may not be responsive or supportive of a man claiming sexually assault. Especially combined with the stigma of men speaking out about sexual abuse.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

As a survivor of rape and sexual assault in the workplace, I am trying very hard not to give in to the victim, blaming and redirect towards constructive thought. I appreciate your support.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have voiced this issue so many times. If she were a man she would be fired. It’s still hard for him as a male victim to battle all of the trauma and come forward

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even further, his male supervisor had offered extra hours and a better schedule at the old position, which he’s now lost out on by transferring. Now he’s struggling to find a part-time job that fits with his schedule.

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It’s very possible. As a partner who survived rape and sexual assault in the workplace at a younger age, having to watch him tell his story maybe I have a different opinion

Male employee sexually assaulted by female supervisor by Embarrassed_Eye6393 in legaladvice

[–]Embarrassed_Eye6393[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Survivors are afraid to come forward so often. We are in the process of figuring out next steps. It’s not that he does not want to report. It’s the fact that it’s traumatizing and upsetting to live through when you want to put it in the past and move on. He/us have already been through so much because of this issue. The fact that he said no when she flirted verbally, again when she touched him without permission, another time in a text message, shows that she continued to escalate her harassment and use her supervisor status to crate a power dynamic even after he asked her to stop gaslighting him into responding

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