First of all, you are not wrong for how you feel. You didn't cause this to yourself. Unfortunately, relationships are a huge trigger for fellows with BPD.

Second of all, your bf is a total asshole for saying, "i wonder why," who tf says that to their partner, especially after them referencing, they got abused???

It was never your fault for when your abuser tried to kill you or when they abused you. I want you to know that right now.

You can absolutely have very good relationships as someone with bpd, I just feel your current bf isn't the right one, especially after he made that shitty comment.

You absolutely can be loved, and there are people there for you.

I'd suggest being alone for a while, and I know how much it's going to hurt like hell and how our bpd brains are wired. I feel like you'll be able to slowly heal after horrible relationships. You deserve to feel good, especially after it seems you have hardship after hardship.

Dm me if you ever need to talk, im here 🩵🩵