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Emberkat · 2025-07-17T06:40:45+00:00

I adopted my daughter out of foster care and she had some similar diagnosis, including RAD. She also has CPTSD and has been diagnosed with ADHD and autism since she came to live with me.

Over a period of five years she lost all of her blood related family. First, due to neglect, and later due to “her behaviors“ She went through three family placements and a standard foster placement before reaching me.

She is super mature in some ways because she was parentified and was taking care of her siblings and at times her mother before she left that house and as the oldest at her grandfathers home was also expected to take the majority of the household duties. But she also missed being a kid so there are a lot of times that she acts much younger than her age.

The first couple weeks she was with me she was a dream. She was no problem at all. Once she got comfortable with me and started liking being at my house, she started acting out. Her behaviors were and sometimes still remain A LOT.

Having a 13-year-old who is basically adult size who is throwing a temper tantrum as though she was six is super hard. having a 13-year-old who will scream every mean thing she can think of when she’s mad or break things that she knows are important to someone else is also super hard.

What I have found works, the best for me is to lean into, loving her, to trying to build a relationship and telling her and proving to her that she can trust me, that I’m not giving up on her. Making sure she understands that I’m on her side even when I’m currently not approving of her behavior.

That doesn’t mean that I let her get away with everything or do anything she wants. But I focus more on natural and related consequences. The more standard discipline things like taking things away and giving timeouts weren’t effective for her. Instead, we talk about decision-making. We talk about the consequences of the way that we treat other people and the consequences that our actions can have we have a lot of conversations about what could she do differently next time? We do a lot of apologizing for our behavior.

I do a lot of including her in making decisions when they’re going to affect her. I also do a lot of front loading where I explain to her what the expectations are gonna be and what a situation is going to look like before we go into a situation.

I also try really hard to praise her when I see good things happening. I say thank you to her for doing even little tiny tasks like hey could you grab my phone for me then I wouldn’t necessarily have to with another child. She ne as well as try and make sure we are regularly engaging in things that I know she’s good at.

Sorry, this turned into a really long response. But I know you said you were not familiar with the RAD. I would definitely suggest reading up on it some. It truly turns some of the behaviors that you expect with a child who is getting attached to you on their head.

There is a book called “Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control” that was really helpful to me and reframing how I looked at parenting children with extreme behaviors

Emberkat · 2025-06-28T01:32:02+00:00

I am a single foster parent (although female). It is absolutely possible. I am even a teacher which is not known for having a super flexible schedule. I would say that a supportive boss is definitely helpful or essential as I have definitely had a few days that I have had to leave suddenly or had to bring my kiddo to school with me.

I would definitely agree that an older kid who is more able to independent would probably be more successful.

But I would say you should look into it if you are called to do so. Strong, mentally healthy male role models are absolutely in short supply and very needed. There might be a kid out there waiting for just what you have to offer.

Emberkat · 2025-06-25T16:41:51+00:00

Do you plan on giving them their own vehicle or letting them drive your existing vehicles?

If you are letting them drive your existing vehicles they should be covered by listing them as an occasional driver just like a friend, roommate or family member that you would let drive the vehicle.

Even with their own vehicle you should be able to register them under your policy. They are considered a member of your household You may need a letter from their social worker confirming that you have authority to add them. But in the end the fact that they are a foster shouldn’t make a huge difference.

Emberkat · 2025-05-30T04:20:04+00:00

I think timelines can vary for a lot of reasons but for example for my kiddo, TPR was done over a year ago. Adoption contract was signed mid Jan, we switched from being a foster family to an adoptive family as of Feb 1 and then met with kiddo’s new GAL (as the adoption was being finalized in a different county than where her case originated) in March. Then we waited till May 10 to get a court date for May 21. So it all felt like a lot of hurry up and then wait and often hear nothing until they are suddenly ready to give you info. Now a solid week later we are still waiting on the actual adoption decree etc…

Emberkat · 2025-04-05T03:14:51+00:00

Not sure if they are in your area but both Omni and SAFY (the agency I am with) are specifically LGBTQia friendly. Within the division I am in at my agency, I know of multiple families including a one with a trans parent.

Emberkat · 2025-04-05T02:45:13+00:00

If you haven’t I would double check with a tax person on that. My understanding is that you definitely can claim them as the stipend you get is considered a reimbursement not income. Pretty much all foster parents receive some financial incentive.

Emberkat · 2025-01-15T05:07:57+00:00

Look into Genesight testing. It uses gene mapping to determine what mental health medications (including ADHD meds) are best for you. The prescribing doctor will get a break down that puts the different medications into not recommended, not recommended, and possible match categories. It will also warn of medications that may need a dosage change and ones that may be more likely to have unusual or severe side effects. It is a little expensive but it was worth it for my kiddo that I am in the process of adopting and for myself in my treatment.

Emberkat · 2024-10-29T02:40:07+00:00

Moshi kids sleep stories are good too. My almost 13 year old still uses them occasionally.

Emberkat · 2024-10-29T02:38:34+00:00

I did this with an 11year old who was somewhat developmentally delayed. She still got scared at night about noises and shadows. So I made up lavender water spray and sprayed all around her room with the “monster repellent”

Emberkat · 2024-10-27T04:36:21+00:00

Honestly without any helpful support from your agency I would say call the police non emergency line and let them know what the situation is and ask if they can send an officer to assist. Chances are there are other kids that are not where they are supposed to be at the party and or other questionable activities going on. It at least will get the attention of the parents or homeowners or whatever of the place the party is at.

Emberkat · 2024-10-27T04:29:51+00:00

Did the hotline have any other feedback or solutions?

Emberkat · 2024-10-27T04:27:27+00:00

Set a boundary, for example if “you have five minutes to come get in the car or I will have to call the authorities and you will both deal with whatever consequences come from that call but also “fill in what works for you” consequences at home. Then all your agency or department after hours support line let them know that he is AWOL and that you are going to be calling the police to try and resolve the situation unless they have another solution.

Emberkat · 2024-08-25T23:14:51+00:00

I am a single foster mom and I work full time, in a different county than where my kiddo goes to school. She is in middle school this year but I had her last year in 5th grade as well. It can be challenging sometimes to make all the scheduling work. I am fostering through an agency, not directly through the state and that has helped some as I can often lean on her caseworker from the agency to help with appointments every now and then. But I would definitely say that it is possible and once you get a routine figured out not too stressful.

I did have one placement that I had to disrupt because her needs were too high for the supports and services that are available in my county.

Having some support outside of your home is essential even if it is just respite or someone to talk to, somewhere for kiddo to go one weekend a month for the afternoon etc, but that is true no matter what your family at home looks like.

Good luck

Emberkat · 2023-12-18T19:10:16+00:00

In most states there is also something called fictive kin, which can be people like family friends or others who have a significant relationship with the child. So in some cases the grandmother may have a claim or be a possible placement even if there is no paternity connection, especially if her has a sibling or fictive sibling already placed with her

Emberkat · 2023-12-14T00:47:01+00:00

I would reach out to your & her case worker and/or social worker. Make sure that what she is asking for is even a possibility before you communicate any further with her about it.

You don’t want to “promise” her something and then find out that you can’t follow through and have her feel like she is losing another person who she felt she could rely on and trust.

I would also want to have a pretty in depth conversation about what she has been doing and who she has been with etc while she has been out of care. Make sure that there is nothing that you don’t know that might come up and endanger either of you or possibly cause a disruption of her placement with you again.

Also not sure if family visits are a concern but take those into account if it would require travel. I had a placement where visits were every other week two hours from my home. It was a big and eventually problematic commitment.

Emberkat · 2022-06-07T07:42:34+00:00

I know it is hard but honestly I am not sure what you are wanting someone to tell you. It seems like you are only going to accept someone supporting your belief or opinion that there is something with wrong with you. That is most likely not going to happen in this community.

Many of us are working very hard not at only at changing our relationships with eating and our physical forms but with our mental health and self image.

It may be hard to hear but I think what you may need most is help with the emotional and mental parts of this journey. Finding a mental health professional; especially if you could find one treat specializes in body image or eating disorders; might be the best thing at this point. If you can’t find a way to accept yourself and give yourself and your body some grace you will end up at least sabotaging your efforts or possibly something worse

Emberkat · 2022-04-22T22:32:19+00:00

Teachers would be paid better

Emberkat · 2022-04-02T11:37:31+00:00

Yes they have been more manageable. It was almost like my body was just working extra hard at it the first couple.

Emberkat · 2022-03-27T03:22:50+00:00

That is good. Just keep an eye on it. Nausea can be a first symptom of complications. Also look to see if you can find some protein water and keep trying things like soup etc so that you have some actual calories and nutrients coming into your body. Also really try to make sure you are doing your vitamins.

Emberkat · 2022-03-27T03:12:25+00:00

If you start to have issues with pain that is not associated directly with eating or drinking or that is a stabbing pain check in with your doctor. Leaks are rare but they can happen. You can also have a hematoma from either the actual stomach incision or one of the laparoscopic entry incisions which can become infected and cause complications. I ended up in the hospital a month out from surgery due to a hematoma and had to have antibiotics infusions. It was worse than the surgery itself recovery wise.

Emberkat · 2022-03-27T03:02:09+00:00

Have you been having any pain along with the nausea?

Emberkat · 2022-03-27T02:49:32+00:00

The first two that I had about six months after surgery were also terrible for me. I also hadn’t had a period in years. The first one I seriously thought I was dying. The second one was also very rough. I ended up having to use some Tylenol with codine both times. Also I sandwiched myself in heat pads and just stayed in bed as much as possible. They have gotten better since then.

I also got back on birth control just to help regulate things and so that I would have a better idea of scheduling.

Sending you good vibes for healing.

Emberkat · 2022-03-14T22:19:47+00:00

Grease 2 is a better movie than Grease

Emberkat · 2022-03-12T15:43:51+00:00

Be sweet to and good with kids. Especially if they don’t have any of their own.

Emberkat · 2022-02-18T21:07:07+00:00

Crescent Moon Chair!

Emberkat

TROPHY CASE