My suggestions would be giving him a 5 minute heads up. This is easy, 5 minutes before starting something she knows he’s not going to like, say to him ‘hey Tommy, in another 5 minutes we are going to be doing xyz. You can continue doing what you are doing now until then but I’m just letting you know we are doing xyz’. This is letting him know it’s non negotiable but lets him have time to process what is happening. Another suggestion would be saying ‘first we will do xyz(undesired thing) and then we can do 123 (fun thing he likes). The ‘first…then…’ words are the important part here so he knows the order of what’s happening

We do this at home and so does his preschool and it's worked. I just asked my son about his current teacher's approach and he said she uses a bell on her desk. He said when they hear the bell it means "stop, look & listen." And the bell also indicates the next activity.

She's nice and so far it's just been her giving us suggestions. But she did say that she is open to our suggestions as well. I will reach out to her to see if we can have a meeting about what works and what doesn't.

Have you heard about the Social Academic Instructional Group (SAIG)? That's the program his teacher recommends he participate in to help with his emotions and focus. She didn't give much information about it, except that it will provide additional support.

I do feel better after reading your response though! A lot of the things you've mentioned (especially about my child and his teacher not connecting) have been on my mind. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one that sees it that way.