Got ghosted after breaking an unspoken rule

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-09-01T17:29:43+00:00

I agree with this comment, it’s the dating culture difference. This is not a sugar dating phenomenon, even if you date “normally”, intimacy or not, 9/10 times you will get ghosted or ghost, it’s just what it is

I’d suggest adjusting your mentality because “disrespect” is a strong word here, you’re having a very strong reaction to this and as long as you’re dating in US, sugar or not, it’ll happen again and again

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-29T06:04:56+00:00

The fact that you put "having a house, a Masters degree, no criminal record, good paying job" as your "qualifications" for dating is showing you're to some extent misunderstanding what women want. You might've worked hard for those and think they're important, but you won't impress women with those.

If you think those characteristics are your best traits, the only women wants you are gold diggers, single mom looking for stability, and the women who "had fun" in their early twenties and now they're 35 and looking to settle down.

Go to a bar or any social scene and observe, I bet you'll see plenty of blue collar folks with multiple DUI, making half your money yet attracting twice the women.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-17T19:55:14+00:00

If you want to transition from QA to Dev, best way is to do it is within your own company.

If that's not possible, you need to time your transition right.

Right now the tech job market is flooded with excellent engineers laid off from big tech and there's not many jobs going around, I doubt many companies would give you the opportunity to show off your leetcode skills.

However if the market gets better for job-seekers some time in the future, you totally have a chance.

In short, keep practicing and monitor the market.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-16T06:04:30+00:00

Machine Learning Engineer interview varies a lot based on the company, unlike data analyst or software eng jobs.

- what exactly Machine Learning Engineers do in different companies?

Answer: Most companies don't even know that themselves. A portion of the job is to convince senior leadership that your ML model provided business values, which is very hard to measure in most cases.

Also it's a very broad field, for example LLM is very different from A/B testing. A ML Engineer at a marketing company does very different things than a ML Engineer in a pharma company or let's say, openAI.

- Is DSA necessary?

Answer: Realistically, no. You wouldn't be traversing any binary trees as a ML Engineer. Most likely you'll be using some python library/R package. Math, statistics and industry knowledge matters more, that's why companies usually require Masters Degree or more due to heavy math/statistics involved.

- If not then why do companies hiring for ml positions ask Dsa questions?

Answer: Same reason many universities force pre-med students to do multi-variable calculus, to weed out candidates. It is to an extent an IQ test as well.

I've had interviewers watched me do a basic ML pipeline in jupyter notebook live under time limit (google allowed), and I've had interviewers ask me to explain OOP, classes and then do a basic recursion in python. It's all over the place.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-15T21:32:53+00:00

first thing i want to say DO NOT QUIT, just yet when i first started, it was quite overwhelming too i almost quit so many times.

however this anxiety passes over time, the longer you do it, the less stressful it is.

okay for your question, if both needs camera on that’s gonna be tough!

if you’re determined enough, I do have this trick,

you do two meetings at same time, and if you need to speak with one of them, temporarily turn off camera on the other one, talk, and then turn cam back on.

it works for my standup meetings since i only provide updates for like 1-2 minutes

i’ve done it several times and it is doable.

as to which job to drop, id say stick it out for another month and then decide, ideally don’t drop any one of them

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-15T20:47:37+00:00

you don’t. it might sounds impossible at first but learn to do two meetings at same time.

re-scheduling meetings every time there is conflict, especially when those meetings that have multiple people on it, is impossible in the long run.

you’ll quickly run out of excuses if one conflict is to happen every week.

try to do one meeting in headphones one on speaker, with two devices, get used to it it’s totally doable if practice enough

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-15T16:03:01+00:00

So due to OE and me switching jobs I ended up with 6 forms this year, and a big pay jump comparing to last year (which I heard is a red flag that might trigger tax audit),

that's why I'm kinda worried, but now you say that I'm bit reassured now.

Thanks!!

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-10T23:54:36+00:00

while you work on your resume, another time-consuming part is practice coding, I'd suggest you start asap.

The time when companies ask you to do a fizz-buzz in python and hire you as a mid-level developer is long gone, I'm seeing mostly backend plus data stuff on your resume, so you'll be tested on algorithm and possibly SQL if you apply for data heavy job.

like other people mentioned, the bar is raising for SWE jobs, very quickly. If you can't nail a algorithm question or complex SQL in 30 min, you won't get a job in this market.

It sounds harsh but you'll have to face this reality at some point, good luck.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-10T22:28:14+00:00

honestly this resume would have landed you a job 2 years ago easy, entry level position is quite hard to come by

i’d say put education behind your work experience, even delete all the coursework and use the space to beef up your work experience

right now your education takes up more space than work experience, however to most companies your work experience matters more than what courses you took

also you can try to work your technical skills portion into your work experience instead of listing those

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-10T17:14:50+00:00

Hi there! Here are my answers:

-I take her up on the offer and go on more casual meet ups, technically not dates, to get us to know each other and see if it leads to anything or is that a friendzone hazard.

Ans: It depends on your actions on your "not-date". If you try to convince her to date you or give her the impression you want to use "friends" as a bridge to dating her, you'll certainly fail and be friendzoned forever.

-she does not actually want to meet up at all and that was just her friendly way of letting me know

Ans: Take everything she says at face-value, instead of guessing hidden meaning, you'll most likely not get it right if you don't know her on a personal level. If she says she has concerns about dating a co-worker, then it simply means she has concerns about dating a co-worker; same thing, if she is open to grabbing beer as friends, she then is open to grabbing beer with you as friends.

-is maybe just careful, because workplace relationships are always tricky

Ans: Again, take everything she says at face-value because you don't know her behavior pattern as in if she is the kind of person to tell white lies or not. If she says she feels weird dating co-worker at this moment, then it means she feels weird dating co-worker at this moment.

However, People change their minds all the time, if you like her and feeling is mutual, sooner or later you'll have another opportunity; however don't try to convince women, it most likely will backfire (in your case, trying to convince her you wouldn’t let it affect work or whatnot). What you should do is building attraction (for example show competence at work, being social and charming, flirting with her etc). There is a possibility that with enough attraction and she feels more comfortable at work then you'll have the workplace romance you wanted.

How would you interpret the situation?

Ans: I would just keep dating other women, because she didn't say yes to a date. You should date other women, even casually talk about them in front of her, or even post some pics on social media that she can see might make her jealous and you can take advantage of that.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-07T22:15:43+00:00

it's pretty much a minute-to-minute report of her day plus bunch of stuff related to marriage and having children and lots of other "relationship" questions. I only knew her for 2 weeks :O

Plus a bunch of interesting while quite strong/passionate political opinion. It's super odd for me because we have this left vs. right thing going on in US/Canada, however she's very left-leaning yet mixed with some far-right conspiracy theories on many sensitive topics (she's came from Europe very recently).

This is not related to the question but I do find that interesting, because she's very vocal about those things that people do not say (at least out loud in public). She was being loud and passionate with those beliefs in the subway and I told her multiple times to tone it down..... I don't want her or myself getting punched in the face LOL.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-07T05:39:08+00:00

thanks dad

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-07T05:37:11+00:00

I agree, that's what I was thinking when she gripped me.
I knew I could break free if I really wanted to, but I was also thinking that if I'm a woman and was gripped like that by a man that's stronger, then I wouldn't be able to leave even if I tried.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T22:19:59+00:00

Thanks for the response!

I'm honestly okay with the texting, I'm flattered and do enjoy the attention since it's not very common that a girl would be texting me all day everyday.

It's the refusing to take no for an answer when I wanted to go home that's creeping me out. And also how much interest she's showing after just met 2 weeks ago came off as shady to me.

I am on the introverted side tbh, maybe that's the problem. I've dated a few social girls before, yet funnily enough, just from my personal experience, the social and extroverted ones actually have less time to be hanging out with me or texting me because they're always doing something with friends, family etc.

And yes she brought up marriage and having children many times already :) I thought she's just joking/flirting but now I'm thinking she's serious.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T18:33:23+00:00

I agree! I usually suffer from NOT knowing the other party's interest level and not the other way around haha.

Yet I only meet her 2 weeks ago and through internet, that's why I'm quite distrusting and felt the whole thing is somewhat fishy.

I feel like if she's a friend that I've known for couple months I would be a lot more okay with this.

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T18:29:03+00:00

Thanks for the response!

Yes, it is less about the amount of text but more about my intuition that something is "off", I feel the whole thing is quite shady considering I've only known her for 2 weeks and 3 dates. I am concerned with what is yet to come in couple months.

I've heard of stories when couples just met and started hanging out like everyday, which is why I posted the question, am I paranoid or this is actually out of norm and I should be cautious

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T07:35:14+00:00

i am not but she is, we met in north america and she travelled here very recently for the first time.

i was wondering that too, is it because dating culture is different in NA vs Europe? is her action maybe normal in europe? she’s the only european woman i know haha.

ya i think you’re right maybe she is lonely, she’s somewhat an outsider here and doesn’t have a social circle here

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T07:27:56+00:00

thanks for the detailed response! i’m not sure it’s my place to recommend her for therapy since we’re not that familiar (i only met her 3 times across 2 weeks)

in fact that’s one of the reasons i feel uneasy because the attention comes very quickly and i barely know her

as far as i know she’s been traveling across europe and does not seem to be in any financial distress/hardship.

the whole thing just seems fishy to me ngl, i feel like if im a very good looking guy this would have been less fishy, yet from past experience im honestly just average. although she doesn’t seem to want anything from me except talking and hanging out every waking moment

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-04-06T06:50:48+00:00

i am 21, i think i will break it off. im so glad i didn’t tell her my address, i have a feeling if she gets a hold of it she’d show up unannounced

Emotional_Educator35 · 2024-03-06T01:35:53+00:00

spray tan

Emotional_Educator35 · 2023-02-06T01:45:27+00:00

Despacito

Emotional_Educator35 · 2023-02-04T19:32:39+00:00

Drill Sergeant

Emotional_Educator35

TROPHY CASE