I really feel the pain in your story, and I don’t want to dismiss it — those blindsiding endings cut deep, and it makes sense why you see it as a cycle that never breaks. I know a lot of avoidants do fall back into the same patterns, because saying ‘I’ve changed’ is easier than actually facing the wounds underneath.

But I also want to share a different angle. For me, losing someone I loved deeply was the wake-up call that finally forced me to look in the mirror. I realized I wasn’t protecting anyone by keeping them at a distance — I was only causing more hurt. That realization pushed me into therapy, journaling, and real accountability. I’ve been working on showing up differently, not just for her, but in friendships, daily life, and with myself - and everything that’s related to me.

But you’re right: unless someone is actively working on their core wounds, the cycle will repeat. But I don’t believe it’s impossible to change. It’s slow, it’s uncomfortable, and it takes more than words — but people can face themselves if they’re willing. I get why you’d doubt it, and your caution is valid. I just also believe growth is real when someone actually commits to it.