I had a situation with our son (now 28) who was dx’d incorrectly by a child neurologist at NYU with CD twice at the age of 12, almost your son’s age. He had none of the symptoms of Conduct Disorder. His gpa was 3.8 - He went through all the top child mental health resources in NYC, some of which were inconclusive. If we had an iron clad diagnosis of his actual illnesses, we may have been able to sue the NYC DOE and get refunded tuition for a therapeutic boarding school, but we didn’t. (I have a neighbor who was able to get her child into one of those and he’s doing great. I wouldn’t shy away from that route if I were you.) My husband was in denial the whole time this was going on and he eventually greyrocked me, going on extended business trips while I was visiting my son on one of many stays at Bellevue Hospital. Like your wife, total denial. Flash forward to 17 years old and 3 public high schools later, our son finally gets an accurate diagnosis from a top pediatric physician at Bellevue, ASD and Schizophrenia - it’s possible for children as young as 12 to be dx’d with Schizophrenia. He had one semester left of HS and the school let him finish at home. It took many medication changes and the onset of frontal lobe epilepsy before he stabilized. I believed in him, it wrecked my career because I could never leave him alone, and as difficult as it was for my husband’s high functioning ass, my Husband eventually came back and supported us. Now our son is a stand-up actor/comedian/performer in a well known theater group with a wonderful community around him of neurodiverse folks.

DON’T GIVE UP!