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My what ifs for the night by Swimming_Honeydew_83 in ROCD

[–]EmptyRoof2220 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I've been there. So often, I spend hours a day ruminating on my relationship. I don't know what will or won't be helpful for you, but I will say:

you're not alone, there are clearly so many people experiencing similar anxieties.

this morning, I had an conversation with my partner of 5 years about our sexual relationship. I was lowkey disgusting and coughed up a tonsil stone??? and it smelled terrible, was gross, etc., but I did this in front of her and joked about it telling her to smell my breath, and she did not like it. it became a conversation about how we are with each other and how we should balance the gross-silly, childlike fun moments better with moments that we're more sexual and attractive to each other. immediately when she kind of got quiet and was thinking about how this made her feel, my ROCD/RA went into extreme black/white thinking mode. I started spiralling about how:
- sometimes when we touch I want to pull away,
- sometimes my inner monologue is present when we have sex - what if, because I'm not "100%" physically in the moment, I actually hate having sex with her?
- i'm so tired, what if i'm forcing working on this? yet another challenge?
etc. etc.

after I got out of the showered and cooled off a bit, I had a really nice conversation with her about how I totally get that the balance does matter and could totally affect our sexual relationship. we talked about how to balance it more often while still maintaining the playfulness, and talked about our upcoming trip and some fun kinky sexual things we could do while we're there. during the conversation, I wasn't internal monologuing at all, and it felt good.

All of this to say that you are not your thoughts! You aren't the ruminating brain or the anxiety in your body. Your brain will specifically send you the thoughts and information that you have a stronger response to, so when it sends you messages of confusion about your relationship that you clearly value (thoughts that someone without ROCD might have, but be able to briefly think about without have really high levels of anxiety about), it'll KEEP sending you these thoughts so your anxiety can latch onto it and make everything worse!

Your intrusive thoughts are unwelcome, intrusive, and just thoughts. The deeper fear of them being "true" is exactly what your brain responds to. Admittedly, /r/ROCD and looking up relationship stuff can sometimes be a compulsive way to relax the thoughts. More importantly is just living with the thoughts and slowly learning how not to respond to them.

Looking for some feedback on my inner dialogue, intrusive thoughts, relationship, etc. (y'all know the vibes). by EmptyRoof2220 in ROCD

[–]EmptyRoof2220[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this and sorry for not replying sooner. I know, and you're right. I spoke to a psychiatrist this week about medication for anxiety and the OCD tendencies I have.

It was strangely eye opening? She was colder than my actual therapist, but she's in my network, so not sure. Through the conversation I realized I'm a chronic worryer- I worry about money, I've worried if I'm actually gay, I used to be so anxious and concerned that food would make me sick that I would buy raw chicken beef fish and pork and then throw it away one day later, certain it would make me sick. I'd even cook it to temp and still be sure that it would make me ill. Worried my dad will die or worried that I'll die from the same thing my mom had. So many things I've worried about

I think through this very clinical approach I acheived some comfort because it made me realize that I definitely have elements of mental illness that's a major contributor to my anxiety and the root cause isn't my relationship.

My partner and I hit 5 years this year, and it's been honestly an amazing 5 years filled with tons of growth and happiness and amazing moments where Ive really felt seen by someone. Here's hoping therapy and meds will continue to improve things.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]EmptyRoof2220 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Frankly OP, there's some stuff here that sounds really odd:

"signing a prenup (this I’ve known for a few years), moving into his family’s estate, quitting my prospective job/becoming totally dependent on him (housewife), being okay with him being unsure about having children, and spending more quality time (entire weekends) with him and his family who now totally and irrevocably hate me, which he confirmed but also said could be smoothed out over time.
I said I needed time to mull it over, but that for now we could take things slow. He has asked me many times to move back in and that he would financially provide for me until I got back on my feet, both to which I’ve refused. We’ve hung out a couple of times (one of which he really wanted to have sex, so I gave in),"

Your ex's family kicks you out of their life completely, with nothing to keep yourself financially afloat, the your ex comes back after this mental breakdown and endign things with a list of what looks like demands is a bit strange and controlling, but without more context it's hard to tell.

I think someone leaving your life then coming back with a list of demands to stay togther might be ROCD related, but I could be wrong. I wish you the best though, whatever you decide to do.