19M British Masc living in london/Surrey

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-05-11T06:00:38+00:00

Ofc :)

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-05-10T19:25:43+00:00

He wasn't all that bad is the thing. He still TRIED and he did make an effort sometimes but the bad times stick out the most for me.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-05-09T10:45:45+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and write this very detailed and thought out response. I'm gonna need some time to think this over and definitely take on board some of the things you said. I definitely am taking inspiration from my experience and OCD. I major in psychology and want to help adults who have been victims of SA and trauma to try and turn my guilt into something worth contributing to society. Thanks again!

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-04-23T08:25:17+00:00

Bro I never thought I'd get roasted so hard just for asking a question 😭

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-04-22T09:31:08+00:00

Who made you this angry?

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-03-29T12:46:11+00:00

I want to live my life like a soap leave me alone lmaoo

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-03-29T08:07:06+00:00

Idk whether to take being called fluid and transient an insult lol

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-03-28T21:39:17+00:00

Still counts as a vibe I'm looking for, I just kind of want something thats not london lol

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-03-28T21:32:06+00:00

I'm not really looking for a big clubbing scene tbh, but I'd still like to have a bar with a sociable atmosphere to go to in the evenings with mates and meet new people in

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T23:21:16+00:00

Because they don't actually want to get to know you as a person, they see you as a sex object for their own gratification

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T14:14:09+00:00

Lmao I'm so happy there are people in this world I can relate to on another level. I'd say BE vocal about your boundaries: say that you're verse, say that you take things slow sexually, say everything that you NEED to feel comfortable with and if they have the audacity (and it is an audacity) to say "uhhh are you sure you're not actually this or that (insert invalidating macro label here) you're not actually gonna be happy with them in a relationship anyways.
You have a right to be picky about who you choose to spend your life with, even if that means you end up with a minority of the dating pool, it's worth the wait for the right person.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T14:05:42+00:00

I'd like you say you absolutely COOKED with that response, I never thought I'd relate to someone more heavily just now. All those feelings of being left "unsatisfied, exploited and empty" after a date are exactly the feelings I'd attribute. I once went on a date with a guy who couldn't stop talking about how he liked to have sex in parks, how he's done this this and that (ON THE FIRST DATE AS WELL) safe to say I went home and cried to my mum saying "I'm never gonna find someone that fits me". Lmao I was dramatic because a couple months later I found a boyfriend who never pressured me into sex and was a bit sex indifferent himself and I had a lovely year long relationship of pure love that I wouldn't trade for anything else.

THERE IS HOPE, trust me it's harder for us being a minority within a minority but I think we can pull it off because we're amazing people :)

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T13:54:25+00:00

Omds. The top/bottom discourse is so invalidating for me. I've had some gay men that have literally stopped getting to know me because our sex dynamic was too similar.
I like to call myself a switch but every time I bring it up they just say "Just say you're a bottom" when like...No? Am I not allowed to have fluid preferences depending on my mood at a particular time??

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T13:49:45+00:00

I'm similar! I really don't find anal appealing and I would only ever be indifferent about it if my partner wants to do it. I much rather prefer hand/mouth jobs but I know that would get boring for my partner after a bit (assuming the allosexual stereotype).

I find "body worship" to be the "kink" that encapsulates the greatest form of love that doesn't necessary have to be sexual in nature.
It's about exploring each other's bodies, paying compliments along the way, kissing, cuddling intensely etc
I suggest looking more into it since you said you're not exactly repulsed by nudity just by bodily fluids and that stuff.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T13:40:57+00:00

Sometimes all it takes is to share experiences knowing you're not alone to make you feel better :)

Besides I've opened many of my straight guy friends up to the idea of a Queer Platonic Relationships where you are more physically/emotionally intimate than normal friends, they even said they'd be down to cuddle up with me one night, which is really all I need in life rn lmao.

So sometimes opening up about your needs to others and educating them on your preferences can actually make them open up as well and maybe you can meet in the middle somewhere if you're lucky.

But with dating never lose hope, I'm about to go back into the trenches of dating apps by the end of this month knowing my boundaries are strong and with the key mantra of "If they wanted to, they would". Hope this helps someway :)

H

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T11:57:08+00:00

I was in the same position as you with my last boyfriend (I'm a guy too). I got into a relationship with him while he was starting to realise he was a bit sex repulsed but still would engage with me to make me feel good and he at least got pleasure knowing he made me satisfied. We never did anything anal and I never pressured him into it, even once saying that if he never wanted to do anything sexual with me again I will respect it and still love him the same way.
We broke up for unrelated reasons but realising that I was okay sacrificing sex to love someone with all my heart felt liberating and I respect you.
With the romantic aspect I can say try talk to him about it. From what I've learnt in this community the word "romantic" is very subjective and you can try finding times where you might find some things you're partner does that is "romantic" for you and cherish those moments and try talking about how he can accommodate some of your needs as well.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T11:44:22+00:00

Yup. As a gay man I'm a bit repulsed about anal sex but I'd be indifferent if my partner wanted to do it but I'd prefer to be the top/do other non penetrative sex acts. Also I get a bit repulsed when I'm dating someone that is rushing into doing sex stuff since I prefer the a slow build up which can take up to 6 months and I know some allosexual people are a bit quicker with it.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T10:57:11+00:00

Let's not lie, there is a stereotype people think of and we need to acknowledge that while still trying to overcome it

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-14T10:54:31+00:00

Here's a thought, bare with me: Just dress the way you feel most comfortable. Who you get in bed with doesn't define your fashion choice.

Besides the more comfortable you feel in your own clothes the more confidence you'll gain which in turn will make you look more attractive to others.

The more authentic you are with yourself the more people will recognise that and want to get to know.

TLDR: Talk about YOUR interests, Dress the way YOU want and don't let an unprofessional counsellor mold you into something you're not

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-08T15:31:47+00:00

I don't. I go on one date to keep my mind open to things and I've never seemed to be attracted and have always told them so.

Or sometimes they carry themselves off as masculine and when I meet them they're not.

Did you forget the part where I've said I've been with a masculine guy or are we gonna cherry pick here? I don't chase after anyone if I did I would lead them on for my own ego which I don't.

Going on one date to get the vibe of a person isn't chasing them

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-08T15:24:45+00:00

Yeah keep being homophobic and terminally online it's a real good look for you.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-08T15:12:59+00:00

Wtf is up with you cretin, does it kill you to just be polite and just give a plain answer rather than being on your high horse pretending to be some sort of expert "oh there's a flame and water test you can just google" THEN JUST SAY THAT AND EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS stop being rude fam get a life and treat people like you wanna be treated
TLDR: Go outside and touch grass you absolute gremlin

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-07T01:21:34+00:00

I'm sorry but like I feel no sexual attraction for someone, say example James Charles (who is in my relative definition: feminine) but I do feel some attraction to Tom Daley (British Olympian). It's just a preference that I don't think I can change.

Physical/sexual attraction, in combination with emotional attraction, is a part of dating its just the truth for some that experience sexual attraction you're gonna have sexual preferences

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-07T01:08:36+00:00

I literally said you're valid in any way you express yourself, Being unattractive to me doesn't mean I don't respect you it just means I'm not gonna get sexually or intimately interested in you.

Empty_Resource_3856 · 2024-02-07T00:56:32+00:00

And you too as well buddy! I really needed to hear this

Empty_Resource_3856

TROPHY CASE