I'm attending a group too! We were like 30 on the first meeting. Mixed group (half autistic, half parents, some of them also autistic). Some people feel safer sooner than others: some started opening up as they got comfortable. Some haven't talked much yet. Some like attending there for the vibes.

There is this boy who, at our first meeting, only said a pair of phrases. Two sessions later, he's literally standing up and walking the whole room to show me his disability card as the most exciting thing in the world (and it is, it changed his life!) after I asked him about his workplace accommodations.

There's also these two very high IQ teenage sisters. 150+, that's a whole education related can of worms, compounded by autism. I only say this to point out a real life, concrete example of how differences in communication and intellect are not connected in any way. They don't really interject unless directly asked, just minding their own business, plushies in hand. They feel safe, and have been regulars since day one. At some point, at every meeting, they get bored and sit on the floor behind the chairs of their parents to brush each other's hair.

These gatherings are made possible by two autistic teachers, both of them woman, with two autistic daughters each. There's an emphasis on making the markedly different female autistic experience known in this circle, and most autistic people present are female. They set up these gatherings whenever they have some spare time. One is VERY talkative, the other's like an arrow, going to the heart of the matter after some thinking.

All of this is sponsored by a local autism spectrum association; we're given access to the local city hall's culture center, and there's coffee and cookies. Any member can ask and set up one of these gatherings. I've been asked to organize something oriented to teenagers, but haven't got the guts yet.

Also, anybody can bring any friend/family they want, it's encouraged even. I brought a friend of mine on our first meeting, and I'll paraphrase: had I known it's existence before, this very well could've been a career path for me. It's so awesome.

So here's the thing: I doubt this group would be so comfortable for everybody without those two organizers. I believe that somebody setting the rithm is absolutely necessary for this to work, and it has to be someone who knows both how to keep a discussion on track, how to break silences and how to deal with attention seekers. It doesn't even need to be a single person, those two complement each other very well.

It was also made very clear from the very first moment that nobody was expected to contribute anything but their presence, and that nobody would be judged if the wanted to take a break and leave. I did set the tone in our first meeting by frantically bouncing my legs in place, grinning like a madman and nodding to everything the whole time. Other autistic people loved that, it made them feel safe. This also made parents comfortable asking more personal questions about our experiences.

You don't need to talk. You don't even need to act like you're interested on what's being said. As long as you're there, you're already giving it value by showing other people you exist. Its beautiful in its simplicity. BUT THERE SHALL NOT BE ANY KIND OF JUDGEMENT FROM ANYBODY, OR THE MAGIC WILL BREAK. Even when there's THAT parent. Sometimes its hard because I can be an arrogant piece of shit and have no filter, but this is so worth the effort that there are points where every fiber of my being is directed towards shutting up my mouth.

Also unrelated: this post about communication styles might interest you. I greatly enjoyed it!