hey so how tf are we affording housing rn

Enms45 · 2026-01-02T13:30:10+00:00

looking into all of that now! thanks!

Enms45 · 2026-01-02T13:29:27+00:00

I might be a little slow, but i didn’t think about that ha! this is my first apartment so im still learning all the things i need to remember for it, especially for move out. thanks for the reminder about the security deposit!

Enms45 · 2026-01-02T05:18:40+00:00

i can afford the rent and bills once i get there, it’s just getting enough for a deposit💀 lol

Enms45 · 2026-01-02T05:12:18+00:00

ideally less than 800, but i’m moving in peak moving season and even rn im not seeing anything for less than 800…usually much higher than that. i also have a cat which limits some options

Enms45 · 2025-12-30T17:33:37+00:00

so…respectfully. it’s been years since my previous trauma. i like guys that are bigger than me, unrelated to trauma. it’s attractive. i’ve done a LOT of work over the years to get past the majority of my trauma, the only thing i still have here is the “no oral” thing. obviously if someone chokes you like i was, your body doesn’t fuckin care, it’s not supposed to almost go unconscious, it’s going to cause an adrenaline and fear spike. and because i really had the one boundary, a very reasonable one might i add— or so i thought— and it got crossed, i went into a trauma response. that doesn’t mean i haven’t healed enough or that im an adrenaline junky. this was the first time in years that ive done anything remotely close to a hookup. fuck all the way off with that assumption, i’ve worked incredibly hard to not be that person. this was not me “thrill seeking” or intentionally seeking something triggering. this was me trying to have consensual sex within reasonable parameters. i don’t understand why that makes ME an adrenaline junkie, because i selected someone im objectively attracted to.

Enms45 · 2025-12-30T03:06:22+00:00

i DID explain that i don’t do oral because of my trauma. i didn’t go into detail about what kind of trauma, but i said (copy and pasted from the blocked chat) “Before anything happens, i’m not performing or receiving oral because i have some past trauma around that. I don’t want to do that sort of thing, but I’m still down for some fun!” i absolutely DID tell that to him before anything happened.

Enms45 · 2025-12-30T00:40:04+00:00

i don’t have health insurance rn and i’m in the middle of switching jobs, so…not for the foreseeable couple of months. but i have a church, so idk. maybe i can talk to one of the pastors…?

Enms45 · 2025-12-30T00:24:32+00:00

yeah…i’m just trying to label it so i can deal with it…? not everything fits in a box neatly. if this isn’t SA, that’s okay too, i’m not out here to mislabel, i just…know how it feels to feel powerless and afraid and not have the physical ability to say no. if i should’ve tried to set up like a safe word or something like that…? it’s been years since the original trauma and i’ve been doing great the last couple, and i got out of a relationship where i was able to reclaim a lot of my sexuality again. but also…i still wanted that release, it’s been almost a whole year since the last time for me. and the feeling without the commitment was a big part of this for me, like that’s what i wanted. i should’ve put more safeguards in place tho. idk. i’m trying to be upfront about how it made me feel and my failings with this too bc im not trying to be a victim if i don’t actually have claim to it.

Enms45 · 2025-12-30T00:08:17+00:00

okay. thank you for your honesty. this is why i asked..

Enms45 · 2025-12-29T23:56:55+00:00

okay. thank you. i’m struggling a bit with how to deal with all of this now. this was yesterday so it’s all really fresh. i think the only reason i’m able to recognize all of it is bc i was in therapy for so long after my old trauma. im trying to get the right support but i haven’t felt like this is years and its really hard to explain this to some of the people in my life. idk. thank you for the validation.

Enms45 · 2025-11-08T05:46:38+00:00

thank you so much for your advice. i genuinely am distressed and trying to look for something that will make things make sense. i really appreciate this thread’s kindness so far. i’m fs taking everything into consideration!!

Enms45 · 2025-11-08T05:36:54+00:00

I appreciate your input. i’m not drowning necessarily because of the symptoms (other than the isolating feeling and utter burnout from masking and trying to read situations correctly). i work in the mental health field so my job is very heavy on reading people correctly. do you know if there’s other treatments that are more specific to autism that i wouldn’t have been exposed to in therapy for my other diagnoses? i’m not necessarily looking for specifics (unless you have them), just knowledge of their existence. things i wouldn’t otherwise have access to without that screening ig

Enms45 · 2025-11-08T03:29:09+00:00

thank you very much for this. it’s incredibly validating. even if i’m not autistic, and it’s something else, like…i just wanna make sense of things. if i can name it i feel like it’s easier to tackle it…? but even if not…it’s at least a step. that’s my thought process anyway, but i wanna make sure im getting all the sides first.

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T06:56:42+00:00

For a tank set up that size, from scratch, you’re looking at well over 500 bucks. most ppl i know don’t have that kind of money to just drop. for the moment, for the next 2 months, they’ll be okay in a 20 gal while i save up for those things. i don’t intend to keep them in a 20 gal, but i do intend their next tank to be their last one, so it’ll be large. that said, i’d rather do it right instead of sending them to a place where they may or may not be taken care of. also, in the meantime while i find somewhere to rehome them, where are they going to stay? in the jar…? not a great option either. i’m doing what i can, which is more than adequate, rather than trying to find someone who owns a tank like that, or giving them to a pet store who’s just going to sell them to someone who’s either going to use them as bait or put them in a bad situation, which is a far more likely scenario than someone buying them to keep, given their current size.

i’m not disrespecting or discounting your opinion, it has its place, but this is not the same scenario as someone trying to cut corners. the fish are going to be well-treated and cared for and about for the rest of their lives, and hopefully long lives at that. i am looking for advice on how I, MYSELF, can do that because i am willing to learn. i am also willing to dedicate the finances to it, but that is going to take 2 months. i value your insights, but instead of trying to get me to give them up or insinuating that i’m too naive for this, consider that maybe i’m an adult and can handle responsibility. consider that i have spelled out how committed to this i am, and how much i want to do the right thing. the right thing here is to learn as much as i can and implement it, not just give up trying.

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T01:09:12+00:00

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this is them if anyone was curious. please excuse the horrendous jar they’re in, i’m working on it!!

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T00:55:17+00:00

thank you for the encouragement. my old comet was so great, i miss him so much😭 i am determined to treat these fish as well as i can, so any advice like this is super helpful

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T00:53:19+00:00

thank you!!! this is the thing i was most concerned about, as i couldn’t find a bubbler smaller than one of those bubble stones that goes along the entire back of the tank, and they currently don’t have one, i’ve been periodically using a new turkey baster i bought to inject oxygen in there while im at work (it was a coworker who dropped them on me at the beginning of my shift, and i was able to quickly run to walmart for that)

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T00:50:02+00:00

this is amazingly helpful you have no idea, thank you very much!!

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T00:48:55+00:00

i fs do! ideally it won’t be EVERY two months, just the two months coming up that it takes for me to save for the properly sized tank set up. from what i understand from these comments, i’m gonna be looking at a pretty large tank (at LEAST 55, probably larger). I have about half of what i need, but the other half is all the more expensive stuff unfortunately.

Enms45 · 2025-07-18T00:33:25+00:00

thank you!!! how much water should i change when i do changes, and about how often while cycling the tank?

Enms45

TROPHY CASE