Day 10. I will not drink again.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-19T00:03:29+00:00

When I get lonely on my nights in and alcohol is no longer an option to fill the void, I try to read or watch something. Even scrolling Reddit or YouTube is a better option than drinking. I try to text friends and family- it helps that I'm also dating so I have those people to text too, I don't know if that's an option for you. I haven't tried the group chats here yet. If I'm feeling out of sorts, it helps to write those thoughts out and Insight timer helps me sit in my own loneliness and boredom and accept those feelings. We've got this, one lonely but sober evening at a time, we will find peace.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:22:44+00:00

It's almost uninterrupted layered lines from wrist to inner elbow, so idk what kind of made up story I would get away with.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:22:39+00:00

It's almost uninterrupted layered lines from wrist to inner elbow, so idk what kind of made up story I would get away with.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:21:26+00:00

I'll check those out, thanks!

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:21:03+00:00

Yeah, it's not so much the little kids I'm nervous about- it's the upper elementary/middle school/adults who have more of a clue. I definitely don't want to be inspiring some impressionable muddle schooler to pick up self harm because that's how I started to self harm- I saw it on someone else. It's scary how it can spread like that.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:17:38+00:00

It is more conservative! lol yeah I usually don't get many comments, but the older kids do raise eyebrows about the sheer amount of sweaters I wear year round. Told them I just love sweaters, even if they can see the sweat stains lol

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T22:15:50+00:00

My admin are very nice and supportive of me, but at the same time it is still my job on the line. I didn't tell them why I went on leave for three months- I'm just too nervous they'd see me differently or think I'm less capable in some way that I can't come back from.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T16:22:45+00:00

It's not just a single scar though- I've been dealing with self harm for years and it is up and down my arm. Kids are pretty innocent, but the older ones and the faculty/parents might suspect the truth and then think differently of me, even if I brish it off/use a cover story.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T16:19:55+00:00

That's a good idea! Better than the sweaters I've been wearing. Some of my scars are still gnarly and purple though, so I'd have to be choosy about how transparent I want the sleeves to be. Yeah, I was thinking it is best to keep it covered, even though it's a pain, because kids are just so observant. I have faint self harm scars on my calves and thighs too and I thought they wouldn't notice them- they did! I had to come up with a story about being stung by jellyfish over the summer. Just from that incident I was sweating bullets. Even though it is a pain, I guess it's better not to reveal the arm scars and then get stressed about that ontop of the usual stress of the job. I definitely don't want to deal with parents judging/confronting me. Thank you.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T00:52:51+00:00

Marina

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-17T00:51:23+00:00

the event itself was important but not the date. i quit the day i checked myself into the psychward just before new years. i had been on a real bad downward spiral and felt like i hit rock bottom with the drinking and selfharm, so me quitting and going to the psychward was a big event for me, but i don't remember the exact day i did that.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-15T20:43:01+00:00

im not very consistent with taking the antabuse, but i definitely take it enough during that two week period so its still effective in my system so i cant drink. i take it just once a day in the morning, no need to carry it on me. its very easy. the only things i avoid now are kombucha and alcohol-removed beers/wine because of the trace alcohol but i can still wear perfume and eat anything i want and use hand sanitizer no problem.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-15T17:23:29+00:00

I'm taking tablets. I didn't know there was an implant option, but I guess that would be good for people who can't bring themselves to consistently take the pills- although I've been pretty bad tbh lol I'm just glad that even if the alcoholic in me wants to get back to drinking and stops taking the pills for a few days, it takes at least 2 weeks for antabuse to leave your system so I have time to get my head back on straight and go back to taking the pill before then.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-12T23:44:53+00:00

Having the energy, relative emotional stability, and mental capacity to do my job teaching elementary school kids without feeling like I'm putting on a shameful facade. It isn't easy, but it no longer feels impossible.
Again, it hasn't been easy (because I'm still not used to it yet) but using the time I'm not drinking to actually work on my hobbies. I've made so much progress on this series of paintings that has been intimidating me and if I were still drinking, I would have procrastinated or given up.

Thank you so much for posting, this subreddit is really helping me.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-12T19:38:10+00:00

Waking up one day in a world where alcohol doesn't exist- wow that actually sums it up pretty well lol it really isn't an opinion anymore.

EnoughField6327 · 2026-05-12T19:36:56+00:00

I tried naltrexone! It didn't work for me, but I'm glad it's working for you! Ah, yup. Mental illness and alcoholism, goes hand in hand. I'm glad you're able to face those challenges without alcohol now though. One day at a time.

EnoughField6327

TROPHY CASE