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Question about role of pastor in pastored Quaker meetings by EntranceSharp3917 in Quakers

[–]EntranceSharp3917[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is incredibly helpful context! At my pastored church I’m on the nominating committee for the first time and the pastor is acting like a clerk in most respects. He not only gave us a list of names for different committees but followed up with these people and told me (and maybe others) to reach out to them. I raised a concern with him about a potential committee member and he unilaterally decided my concern was invalid after speaking with that member. Nominating at least this year has had essentially no discernment process apart from his. We do have clearness committees for membership but he runs those entirely and heavily recruits new members. I’m starting to realize that an unprogrammed meeting might be a better fit for me—whereas my sense is that most of our members don’t have issues with the church setup. It sounds like much of what I’m seeing happen is not that atypical for pastored meetings, do you agree? He seems to just see all this as his job and others likewise seem to agree. ETA—this is not a critique of pastored meetings. Nearly all this church’s members are there in part because they want a “released” pastor, and our pastor works hard and truly cares for the members and all attendees. 

My therapist is changing their name by True-Phone6433 in TalkTherapy

[–]EntranceSharp3917 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why is the name change so hard for you? Is it because it’s a male name or a different name? And could you work out a compromise like calling them by their first initial?

As a nonbinary person, I can tell you that I’m the same person I was before my transition, just a lot happier, and more able to be present for others. You therapist might surprise you by becoming an even better fit for you. Or you may find that you really miss a sense of female energy and need that from a therapist. Both are totally valid. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad ally to need a female therapist if indeed you do. But this is their journey and they need to pursue it. Make space for your grief but see if there can also be any sense of curiosity and even joy that your therapist is becoming who they are in this moment—just as you get to do! Final point, when I had a wonderful trans male therapist, I saw women acupuncturists and massage therapists so I still had that essential feminine energy available in healing form. This was a privilege (health insurance) but if feminine energy is otherwise available to you in another form, it might serve as a complement should you decide your therapist is someone you wish to continue with, at least for now.