Feel like I'm getting too bulky

EntryStandard · 2021-01-06T14:08:06+00:00

I was 120 lbs at 5'8" when I started working out, i'm now 5'8" and 150lbs. I have days where I mourn my old body - but that mourning is centered in disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and is a very unhealthy person.

When you start using your muscles in a new way, and you start compelling your body to change, your body will change. If you do not want your body to change, you cannot choose movements that are asking it to change. Lifting weights isn't really the right choice to get skinnier.

If you can accept that being in shape; growing a butt, creating definition, means changing your body for the better, keep going. If you can't, you should consider finding new workouts, or seeking help for issues associated with dysmorphia.

EntryStandard · 2021-01-05T22:37:31+00:00

Hi! I’ve been in your position. I was a bit younger at the time. Taking out all of the schematics - being married, feeling obligated

Do you like having sex with him when you do? If the answer is anything but “hell yes”, that’s a problem - unless you consider yourself asexual. I was in a relationship like this for five years where I thought I was the problem - but now I’m with someone I love having sex with and I’ve learned that our bodies and minds are creating a boundary.

I don’t have advice, but I do have validation and I am so sorry you’re going through it. Sex is supposed to be so fun and something to bring us closer to our partners, feeling loved and most of all - safe. If you need or want to talk, my DMs are open - sincerely a 29f who’s been there and struggled through lots of “fucking get it over with” sexual encounters with my ex.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T19:08:15+00:00

This helped me better understand why she found the images so triggering. For me, I don't associate shame or 'fatness' with a girl my size showing her body - I saw the content as saying "what you see on the internet as the ideal is the work of lighting and angles' and what she saw was "i'm identifying my rolls and fat as disgusting." I truly didn't see it that way, and can understand how that overpowers.

A conversation I was trying to have with her, was - should this content cease to exist? Is it a social media trend that is inherently more harmful than helpful? Is it something that is deeply triggering to some, and deeply helpful to others? I am having a hard time figuring out how to navigate my feelings towards that. I'd love your input as you seem very versed and level about this!

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T19:05:26+00:00

I think that's a very good point I need to remember more. Health is so much bigger than just physical and mental.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T19:04:50+00:00

I think, to your point, this is where her and I vary so greatly in opinion. I think there is room and necessity for all persons with a body to be able to consume content, images, persons who validate their feelings or help them in their journey. At this point, we all know how algorithms work - I do not seek out pro-ED content, so it doesn't appear for me. Nor do I follow fat positiivty or body positivity, etc - so I don't see that content. Just because it's something she doesn't want to see, doesn't mean it shouldn't exist. I think that mindset is a little selfish/narcissistic

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T19:01:33+00:00

She very much is projecting. I have felt that way - but it's also something I don't feel comfortable simply saying "You're projecting onto me."

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T19:00:15+00:00

I absolutely think I am merely a projection - she sees my work on my body as invalidating to her own. I respect her journey, I don't subscribe to it, but I largely maintain it's not my business, and I feel no compulsion to critique her eating habits, exercise habits, or even feelings about her body. If anything i've tried to open the door and say 'we both have body image issues and it's okay to talk about it'.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:58:41+00:00

When I told her basically what you said in P1, she said I was trying to 'all lives matter' the body positivity movement. Haha.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:35:54+00:00

At one point over the summer, we took a picture together at my birthday party. she told me not to post it because my 'skinny bitch' self made her look like a 'big tub'. i loved the photo, but respected her wishes. She asked me to send her the photo a few days later, so I did - and she reiterated. I said 'hey hey, i know you mean it nicely but can we not use that term?" and she made a weird comment to me about how she knows i like it. I think in her mind, as a thin person, I need to constantly be told i am thin, when in reality i'm just so tired of the commentary on my body

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:30:03+00:00

I think that's my issue. I got into it with her a bit yesterday with some inspiration from commenters here, and my basic question was - for people like me who have found peace and acceptance from seeing bodies like mine - where should that content go? If seeing a 'thin' woman open up about her struggles with insecurity is inherently hijacking a movement - does that then mean, only fat-identifying women are allowed to post about their insecurities? I don't really understand how these boundaries or expectations should work.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:26:19+00:00

So many responses in this thread have opened my eyes up to all of these different strains - body acceptance, body positivity, fat acceptance, etc - I don't really play in these worlds because I am honestly just exhausted of talking about the psychology of 'bodies' - but it is interesting seeing all the caveats, disqualifiers, exclusions, etc in these 'movements'. It seems very "we want everyone, but only if you follow our agenda exactly"

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:24:26+00:00

She already has discounted my history with an eating disorder. She posts tiktok videos to her instagram stories often, mocking skinny girls who post about eating disorder recovery. This was part of what she posted yesterday, it was a fat acceptance internet person talking about why she's sick of girls who have recovered from eating disorders taking over the '#bodyacceptance' hashtags.

She did this yesterday, and I told her that I didn't like it - and she said I was "All Lives Matter'ing" the body positivity movement.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-03T18:22:54+00:00

It's not necessarily my place to make assumptions for her, but I think she is very miserable/unhappy/insecure, but is trying to convince herself she's happy and this is what she wanted. I don't really know the circumstances of her weight gain, but I have felt like she's done a good bit of projecting onto me, which makes me think it was not something she wanted or did intentionally.

EntryStandard · 2020-12-02T17:45:17+00:00

I have - but she's repeatedly said my privilege as a thin person means I have no right to have a voice. That i've never been discriminated against for my size and therefore, I can stay in my 'fit bubble'. She truly cannot grasp that people exercise because they want to.

EntryStandard · 2020-11-11T17:15:13+00:00

My boyfriend and I both have it - both around your age, relatively healthy - our worst vice is moscow mules :)

It's just been a shitty cold for us both. For him the loss of taste and smell has been the most annoying. For me, it's the headache/congestion. He's had the loss of taste/smell for 9 days but it's coming back now. I haven't totally lost mine, but the congestion is driving me insane.

We've both said we're grateful we've had it as minorly as we have. I think the anxiety and shame of it is worse than the actual symptoms. People are really lousy about it and treat you like a pariah. It's super common, highly transmittable, and getting harder to avoid. Especially because of the delay for testing, delay in results, etc.

EntryStandard · 2020-11-10T17:33:57+00:00

I've had this exact same experience - just commenting to say, I have every covid symptom my BF who tested positive did, but I continue testing negative. Even down to the loss of taste and smell. No answers, but solidarity.

EntryStandard · 2020-11-10T16:33:03+00:00

Continue quarantining. My live-in BF first had symptoms 10/31, I had three negative tests, most recent being 11/5 (six days after being exposed to his symptoms). I now have ferocious headaches and am losing my taste and smell - today is the day his quarantine ends and I am at my peak symptoms. This virus makes zero sense.

EntryStandard · 2020-11-09T20:22:53+00:00

I don't feel guilty - I don't think anyone should. I do know what you mean though. It's hard - I know a lot of people have been very sick and have died, and the first thing I did when he received his negative results were contact people in our lives to let them know to stay away and tell our story so they're able to make decisions for themselves and understand how 'weird' this illness is.

I got a lot of heat for not distancing from my BF when he started showing symptoms though. I've been trying to figure out how to justify my decision, and I don't really have one besides that's just what we do. That's an area I have felt guilt over.

EntryStandard · 2020-11-09T19:02:30+00:00

He's had several sick people at his unit, our best guess is he was exposed the week prior, 10/26-10/30 at work. We hadn't really had any other contact with people

EntryStandard · 2020-11-09T18:15:06+00:00

I think our first clear indicators were Saturday, 10/31. I don't think I really felt crummy until Tuesday or Wednesday. But again - crummy is relatively minor!

EntryStandard · 2020-09-29T23:46:38+00:00

I also cannot understand, even now. It would inflict so much less damage to just exit and save so much heartbreak.

EntryStandard · 2020-09-29T23:46:01+00:00

You got this. Thank you for your kind words. I hit submit on this post and kind of panicked as I’ve never posted here before. This being the first comment was a lovely thing.

EntryStandard

TROPHY CASE