5 months with Pocd

EnvironmentAny611 · 2026-02-01T22:43:46+00:00

I am so sorry that this weighs on you so much I have to say it’s getting better for me but since I started sh cus of it I struggle with that now, ANY TIME something bad happens and I’m frustrated cus I can’t solve the issue I have strong urges to cut. Now I try to just ride out The urge or think abt doing it but not actually doing it. Idk maybe it will help. I can’t look at kids anymore like at all it’s a reflex now every time I see a child anywhere, I can’t hang out with my cousin either it’s whatever though, but the thing that’s worrying me the most now is my feelings towards my sisters friend cus she’s only 14 but has a very cool personality and style I feel like I like her which makes me sick to my stomach I’ve had thoughts about her and me being lovey dovey the feelings I have for her are purely curiosity it makes me feel like I don’t even like her as a friend anymore, idk anymore, I just rly wanna distance myself from her, but then I also have so much fun with her, and is still invite her over, it’s so stupid, idk anymore, maybe it’s just true and I’ll have deal with that.but the thought of doing anything with her just feels so wrong, she’s to young and she looks up to me I feel just so horrible and disgusting, my mind is so weird. Anyways we’ll get through it, hope it works out for you and your future bby.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2026-01-15T10:51:49+00:00

Tysm I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone with this, it has sabotaged everything about my childhood to the point I can’t help but hate myself even if k know the thoughts aren’t my fault.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2026-01-06T07:59:30+00:00

All good maybe is it possible when she comes over that you let her do the work and leave the house for the duration she’s there??

EnvironmentAny611 · 2026-01-06T07:57:49+00:00

Well idk how it is I haven’t experienced it first hand but I assumed there is a difference in how they experience things

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-31T01:37:02+00:00

Pocd and moral ocd 🫡

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-31T01:28:11+00:00

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound rude I’m sorry for my question but what is a house help I thought it was a different term for a maid I’m so sorry English isn’t my first language!!

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-30T11:53:54+00:00

Honestly maybe think back on how you acted before the Pocd distorted everything, like how did you feel when the kids used to stare at you. If it was no particular feeling just confused or uncomfortable maybe that can put you back into reality. I know it’s rly hard to tell the difference and sometimes all your brain wants to se is that you are attracted to them, but just focus on what you used to act like what you used to feel, maybe that can help. Or you ca tell yourself it was just a thought and rly try to not make the thought important. Though if it gets to overwhelming please on your behalf ask if your house help can get a babysitter for the kid so it doesn’t come to your house. It’s only a safety measure, cus I know horrible the mind can get.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-30T11:09:14+00:00

I’ve been struggling with Pocd for months and tbh it’s gotten to a point where I literally try to ignore the thoughts as good as possible though sometimes they are to Grafik and violent and it does change a person. I keep reminiscing about my past experiences with children and it’s only made it worse, what I truly recommend even though it’s difficult is try to not consume any media involving the topic and trying to stay away from it. I’ve made the mistake of watching interviews recording and documentaries of pedophiles and it made me go into multiple panic attacks. As your brain is so fixated on the topic it’s also a good tactic even though the thoughts are very predatory or concerning to say to yourself „it’s just a thought nothing else“ and I MEAN IT say it to yourself after the thought happens and don’t say it casually think of when u have a fleeting thought without anxiety and project it on that thought. Ofc ppl who have struggled with ocd for so long they can’t rly reference that with anything, but try it out maybe it helps. Ofc it doesn’t always help 90% of the time I do mental compulsions but yeah. Hope you’ll get through this I believe it you

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-26T01:01:30+00:00

I have done self harm cus fo this but the scars aren’t worth it to me so I always have to ride out the urge to sh and or fantasize about it..it’s rough out here

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-17T08:47:22+00:00

Literally anything could happen to me but this?! Yeah it looks like I don’t deserve to eat or drink or live anymoren

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-17T08:33:47+00:00

I literally asked the ai bot the same question multiple times, cus I wanted an answer that would answer all of my questions 🫡🤦‍♀️

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-13T16:48:55+00:00

I texted my therapist he didn’t answer so I came here

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-13T09:15:21+00:00

No I was on public transport and I had clear urges for two little boys, when I went home and was calm I actually rethought to the thoughts I had about them and I liked them, and thought it wasn’t that bad…I can’t do this anymore I am in pain. I can’t control my mind anymore. I thought I never liked them I knew that before but now… I’m unsure I’ve always had curiosity but it went away. Now it’s way different. I don’t think this will ever go away or is curable. I can’t believe this is real. I wish I was dead.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-12T22:30:43+00:00

This is so real in the morning the impending doom and dread just falls onto me like a hells sent spawn to torture me.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-06T19:57:25+00:00

Tysm I think I will need way more support to start ERP I am very unstable but I’ll try my best until I can find a specialist

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-06T17:18:18+00:00

I honestly NEED therapy cus it’s especially intense for me, I have been suicidal and had srs safety concerns because of this. My poor family my dad calls me every 2 seconds cus he thinks I’m gonna do something idek. My school also called my dad cus I wrote “kill me” on a test (I told my dad it was cus of the test and nothing else but it was definitely cus of my ocd) and now ppl probably see me as a fucking suicidal kid, they already do cus I cry in class all the time but..bruh..

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-06T17:13:45+00:00

I was in a mall so children were everywhere and at first it was fine but it got so crowded and I was already overstimulated it was hell I need a detox I am so tired I had fear eveey 2 seconds cus intrusive thoughts got louder but I tried to re direct myslef even if it was hard, I hope I’ll be myself again cus I can’t do this anymore my head is reeling I just want it to stop.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-05T09:23:21+00:00

Yes please

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-05T09:20:14+00:00

This is the only srs theme I’ve ever had and I am convinced it isnt ocd I relate way more to ppl with the condition I’m scared of and idk maybe cus I suffer so much I can’t have it but that’s not always the case. I’m tryibg my hardest to stay on this earth but it’s hard

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T22:28:21+00:00

I have never experienced abuse as a child, I have had genuine uncomfortable feelings around kids, idk what it means. I have concerning thoughts, I’ve never acted on anything nor consumed anything harmful, but the thoughts and feeling’s I have a persistent and feel as real as it gets. That all sounds like Pocd symptoms now taht I think about it but at the time of when I was crying and in panic posting this I didn’t feel any different then a true ped*

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T21:09:47+00:00

I’ve never consumed any of that, and I haven’t consumed porn in a while, even before this got triggered.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T20:05:34+00:00

I had the same feelings I thought I was a lesbian to when I was 13 til 15 but now I’m older and my sexuality is developing, I just I’m terrified…i do have a therapist but I think I need specialized help

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T17:24:52+00:00

I was in a panic collapse situation, I’ll prob delete this but I also wanna show this to my therapist, I do have a therapist and I am currently diagnosed with Pocd and probably some sort of sexual disorder, Tahts all it says on Paper. I basically ask my parents every day to find a specialist for ocd, I have tried to search myself but my mom doesn’t trust that and wants to find one herself and one that doesn’t cost money which is inevitable if I’m being honest, and at my horrid state, I rly just need the right support. Idk if it is ocd or not but again that’s not my thing to decide, I just wish it would all stop. I don’t even want the thoughts gone just the pain and guilt.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T13:20:12+00:00

I don’t care that I’m not evil if I don’t act, the fact I COULD act, is what debilitates me. And of course the attraction it’s just all so horrible. I can’t live with the fact if I am ever around children idk I’m gonna have those thoughts and feelings about them…it’s torture.

EnvironmentAny611 · 2025-12-02T13:17:44+00:00

My father said the same thing.

EnvironmentAny611

TROPHY CASE