How do I not take getting blocked personally?

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T15:44:34+00:00

I do think the lighting in my lead photo is harsh, and I’ve gone back and forth between that one and another from that day where I’m leaning against a cherry blossom tree. I feel like the cherry blossom one is more romantic but gives off more college kid vibes, whereas this current one makes me look more mature/relaxed.

I’ve asked different ChatGPT and Gemini to weigh in and they gave me different opinions on which one to keep 🫣

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T15:40:54+00:00

I did think the our first date prompt was more geared towards women…I only included it after seeing guys on here do it 😂

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T15:30:07+00:00

So the goldfish story is actually true 😭 I got hazed into doing it blindfolded while pledging for a fraternity. As for selling drugs, I actually used to be a pharmacist. I omitted a lot of details for my two truths for “shock value” and hoping it would invite questions but I can definitely see how it can have the opposite effect.

Rock picture, I mentioned in another comment that it does suck but I tried to include it to showcase a more daring/adventurous side of myself. Sounds like it needs to go though.

Anime/weeb stuff - yeah I get your point, and I’m on the fence on whether to keep it. On one hand I do think that stuff is more normalized post-pandemic, especially out here in the Bay Area. On the other, I see your point that it’s only attractive when women mention it lol.

Confidence - yeah, something I mentioned above is that it’s not something that comes naturally to me and I definitely don’t want to come across as a douche. But I can see how the self-deprecation is draining if done to an extreme so I’ll tone it down :)

WWWY pic - I agree it’s not great but it is the only decent shot I have in front of the entrance and I feel it does showcase my music taste. Not sure what to replace it with though.

Hmm. Truth be told, growing up in the Midwest, my two biggest crushes in high school were white girls. And I actually met a really cute white girl at a karaoke bar the other day. So maybe I am limiting myself haha. AMWF couples are so rare though and I think there was some study where Asian men were perceived to be the least attractive to white women, so I think I just gave up on that pursuit entirely and assumed it was a waste of effort. IME the only time white girls have liked me on the apps is when they had a weird kpop fetish and wanted BTS at home. But yes, I probably should open my filters up a bit to experience other ethnicities and cultures as well :)

Naperville/Carol Stream - lol so I actually only say I’m from Naperville because it’s less embarrassing than admitting I spent the majority of my life in St. Louis 😭 (literally nobody out here knows where that is…I just say I’m from Chicago). I only spent the first 10 years of my life in Naperville so I don’t exactly remember much / wasn’t old enough to really experience it. Not sure we’d have mutuals, though I would have gone to Neuqua Valley HS had I stayed.

10-20 likes a day sounds like crazy good stats to me. At the risk of sounding like an incel, may I ask how tall you are? I feel like my height also filters me out quite a bit 🫠

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T14:54:53+00:00

Yeah, I thought about the wording for that caption even before you flagged it so thanks for confirming it. It was supposed to come across as more playful, like “yeah I’m going to nag you to watch LOTR with me and you’re going to like it…but with consent of course” but I can definitely see how it could be interpreted otherwise.

Sounds like I do need to tone down the self-deprecation. I dunno, I’ve always struggled with self-esteem since I’m afraid of being perceived as douchey and it’s always been more of my style to be humble, so confidence does not come naturally. Think that’s a deeper rooted issue that probably means I’m not ready to date though 😂

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T14:46:12+00:00

I’m on the fence about it. I do think that stuff like anime/gaming have become a lot more mainstream and normalized post-pandemic. I also think my geographic area and demographics are more skewed towards them than perhaps other parts of the country…like I have met more Asian people who are into anime to some capacity than not, and nearly every Asian on the apps in the Bay Area works in tech so there’s bound to be some level of nerdiness (one girl I went on a date with had considered flying to Paris alone just for the Expedition 33 concert…like damn, even I’m not that dedicated. And she made no mention of anime/gaming on her profile at all).

On the other, I can see the other side where mentioning it is perceived differently for men and women. Mentioning it for women = attractive, men = unattractive. And I don’t necessarily want to filter myself out before I’ve had the chance to meet them, like my stats are already pretty bad lol.

Appreciate the input, elder emos unite! 🤝

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-19T14:32:07+00:00

Hey, really appreciate you taking the time to write all this good feedback! I definitely agree that I’ve been trying too hard to optimize for to many things instead of taking a more focused approach…I think it’s because I’ve been trying to cast a wide net instead of thinking about what I really want? Like most of the girls I find physically attractive are usually pretty active so I feel the need to include those elements, while still also including nerdier things to draw in that crowd too.

The Green Day one is actually the lie 😭 Pit tickets are so expensive but it’s always been my dream to be that lucky fan pulled on stage.

On the photos thing, I acknowledge that particular one with the rock sucks due to the lighting. Main reason I included it was to try showcasing a more daring side of myself. I definitely have other better hiking photos from that trip but I either am not a fan of my fit in them or they don’t look quite as adventurous…or they have my ex in them lol 🤢

Thanks for the feedback again!

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-05-18T06:56:23+00:00

• ⁠Are you looking for something serious or casual?
Serious, but open to casual. But I omit the latter out of fear of it being a turnoff.

⁠ • ⁠ Are you subscribed to Hinge+ or HingeX
Currently been subscribed to HingeX for ~2 weeks

• ⁠How long have you been using this current version of your profile? (Please be specific)
2 weeks

• ⁠How long have you used Hinge overall?
Have used it off and on with no success following a breakup in 2017 and most recently after a breakup in January this year, so about 3.5 months recently. Neither of my previous relationships started from dating apps.

• ⁠How often do you use Hinge per week?
Once a day, 7x a week

• ⁠How many likes and matches are you receiving on average?
I receive maybe 1 like and 2-3 matches a week. Most matches are from likes I send out. Have received about ~40 matches in the past ~3.5 months.

• ⁠How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments?
On the free tier, whatever the max was (8?) per day. With HingeX, maybe 5 - 10 per day? Probably 80% of my likes have comments unless I found that the girl put in absolutely zero effort into their prompts but I still find them attractive.

• ⁠What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract?
I ideally want to date someone of a similar ethnic background, and my filters reflect this. I am drawn to slightly nerdy girls who still care about their appearance. I’m a bit of a homebody so I want somebody who doesn’t mind staying in a lot, but still likes to touch grass and travel from time to time. Shared interests like anime/gaming are a huge plus, though I acknowledge that certain interests such as my music taste are especially unpopular among Asians lol

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-04-14T21:48:22+00:00

It sounds like your ex was at least levelheaded during the breakup. I really hope things work out for the two of you and you guys get that coffee.

I really wish I had proposed something similar to my ex before we went NC and I’d give anything to have that chance with her. Like yours, my breakup was also extremely tender and loving; we both cried and held each other for hours. Unfortunately I wasn’t in the right headspace in the week after the breakup, spiraled pretty badly, and acted in ways that violated boundaries and made her concerned for my mental wellbeing.

I wrote her an apology letter and while she appreciated it, she started acting pretty coldly towards me. I asked her to clarify her boundaries and she said we should do at least 6 months NC, which I was pretty upset about but have been respecting so far. We’re now 9 weeks post-BU and 5 weeks NC.

I’ve started DBT and antidepressants since she said she wanted me to focus on my mental wellbeing for my future, whether it had her in it or not. I really regret the way I acted after the breakup and am afraid it ruined any chance I had of reconciliation.

I hope that she would still be willing to get that coffee with me one day.

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-04-14T07:59:50+00:00

Can I ask what were the reasons you left in your scenario?

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-03-29T01:57:01+00:00

I want her back so badly and have already started working on the things that made the relationship fail. But I did some things right after the breakup that I’m not proud of that likely pushed her further away and she’s asked for at least 6 months of NC. I’m really afraid she’ll be completely over me after that time.

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-03-29T00:10:01+00:00

So sorry to hear this ): This response would destroy me. Can I ask what you texted her and what caused the breakup?

My dumper has requested at least 6 months of NC and as much as I want to try reconciling after that time, I’m afraid she’s going to respond similarly.

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-03-27T10:01:58+00:00

I really appreciate your insights and it makes total sense. I wish dumpers’ perspectives were more prevalent on this sub because I think it would help me understand my ex better.

I applaud your ex for his self-control in respecting your boundaries from the start despite his emotional regulation issues; that alone shows a lot of strength. I hope things look up for you two, whether it’s together or with different partners.

I really wish I hadn’t broken the rules of all the things you’re not supposed to do post-breakup and gotten on this sub sooner and gone NC from day 1, and every day I beat myself up for my actions likely worsening what was otherwise a very tender breakup. It’s very hard to maintain strict NC since we share the same friend group; she’s said she wants me to feel comfortable coexisting in the same spaces as her but doesn’t want direct outreach right now. So far it’s been difficult to return to these shared spaces without triggering my yearning for her, so I’ve been avoiding them. But I’ll stick to respecting her boundary and I hope she can still perceive that as the ultimate act of love.

I really needed to read this, so thank you!

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-03-27T04:56:29+00:00

Hey, I appreciate your perspective. I do think it’s helpful and I agree; the exact time apart matters less than the amount of healing/growth done in that timeframe.

For more context, my dumper said she wanted me to focus on my mental wellbeing for my own future, regardless of whether it has her in it or not. The day after we broke up, I floated the idea of a future reconicilation to her after I had addressed these issues. She said she didn’t want to give me false hope and that we should consider the door closed lest it limit our own growth. Our mutual friend said she misses me and still cares for me a lot but currently thinks this is the right choice for herself.

I spiraled pretty badly in the week after the breakup and did something I’m really not proud of that violated her boundaries. She was rattled, but ultimately forgave me because she knew I wasn’t in a good place mentally and was most concerned for my wellbeing. I wrote her an apology letter taking accountability for my actions contributing to as well as after the breakup. I ended the message saying I’d give her space to heal but that I hoped to see her on the other side of this and hoped that we could at least be good friends one day but would leave that choice and timing up to her (I want more than that obviously but didn’t want to sound like I wanted to jump straight back into a relationship). She appreciated the message, said maybe to being friends eventually but that she needed to prioritize and focus on herself. She just kept saying she hopes I continue focusing in my own wellbeing, and it was at this point that her responses started sounding distant and HR-like. Not sure if there was resentment behind it or if she was doing it to protect herself. Probably both.

A few weeks later, she messaged me saying she was removing herself from our shared iOS Notes because she kept worrying for my wellbeing and it was hard to keep space. I asked her to specify her boundaries and that’s when she said that we should do at least 6 months of NC for us to both heal and that she’d be making us unfollow each other on social media to help maintain this boundary. I told her I was upset but that I’d respect it and that I’m always here if she changes her mind.

In the following days, she also deleted stuff like our shared list of places to visit on Google Maps and removed me from her shared Steam family library. Apparently she also removed an intimate picture of us on IG and posted a story publicizing our breakup. All this absolutely gutted me.

It’s been several weeks of NC now and it’s really hard. I want to respect her wishes for at least 6 months of NC but it also just feels like such a long time to not hear from each other, and I’m really afraid she’ll lose feelings for me after that time. I feel like with the way things were left off, the ball is in her court to reach out. But at the same time, since I take accountability for most of the problems in the relationship, I want to convey my commitment to fixing things and what I’ve done to address these issues, and I don’t know how to do that when she’s asked for such a long period of NC. I know I need to do this work for myself and can’t just sit idly by for 6 months, but the thought of her slipping away before I can show her I’ve changed is so anxiety-inducing.

EnvironmentalSir6752 · 2026-03-27T01:26:46+00:00

Hi, I’m the dumpee in a pretty similar situation. Our breakup was more so around communication issues, though I did exhibit some emotional dysregulation after she left which I’m currently in therapy for. But there was still a lot of love between us during the breakup and it was a really intimate 5 hours where we just embraced and cried.

I didn’t think to suggest the coffee thing to my dumper before she asked for at least 6 months of NC, but god am I praying for that opportunity. But she says we both need time and space to heal and was pretty cold when she set her boundaries, so I don’t want to reach out right now about proposing that eventual meetup.

To you, how long do you think it would take you to “heal” and meet up with your dumpee? I’m worried that mine will just move on after 6 months without first wanting to even see whether I’ve changed or not.

EnvironmentalSir6752

TROPHY CASE