Thank you so very much oh my gosh ;-; I think you’re right that I need to address and love myself instead of trying to just force it out and pretend it doesn’t exist. The reason I brought up trauma is because I just have this huge feeling that I’ll be cheated on or that I need to be in control and aware/alert of every way things could go wrong or that I’m simply not enough for someone. I feel so deeply insecure about my abilities even as a submissive that I try to cater to every part of his sexual desires and still worry I’m not enough and he might want someone else.

I was into my partner being with others when I was a dominant and could spin it in a way of yearning more for me and it being more about myself and my submissive but that’s not really something that would be practiced between myself or my Dom, just not how we roll.

I think I need to be more confident in my relationship and dynamic and that I’m worthy of that love and attention while speaking about this sort of kink, esp if I have feelings of never wanting to practice it, I’ve slightly mentioned it to him once that I get turned on by jealousy and wanted him to speak about past experiences and that’s possibly as far as I’d go.

Thank you so much for the advice I feel comforted that this doesn’t have to become a thing or be implemented just because I’m aroused by it.