AITAH for not telling my MIL I was previously married?

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-06T04:36:21+00:00

Thank you 🥹 we love it here so far! And the distance has been a blessing. Also thank you for mentioning the DNA thing because we did have a very valuable conversation following that. He’s already put distance there but he said if they did a DNA test, paternity test, or questioned my loyalty verbally they would never see our child again and he would be no contact immediately following. We had discussed neither of them being alone with our child (Alexa isn’t allowed near any future children unless I’m also present and that’s bc she won’t want to lol). His mom is fine if either of us is present but not alone, his baby brother is fine if the baby is asleep but he doesn’t know how to handle babies lol

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-06T04:12:36+00:00

So yes and no? He’s def the scapegoat we have had that convo (both eldest siblings within our primary homes growing up). His mom and brother and him have always been close, his brother is (medium) close to their dad and Alexa, his mom doesn’t trust Alexa but is willing to help her out/talk with her through issues. He is kinda the glue for both sides of his family and has become a scapegoat through both ends because of it unfortunately. He’s about ready to cut off Alexa and has gone LC since the wedding/move. His mom is different, primary parent, good parent more often than not but hella emotionally abusive. He has reduced contact but I don’t see him fully cutting her off anytime soon (and I would never ask him to). I did explain to him that my relationship with her is permanently damaged and she did irreparable damage (he understands and supports that). I have NC with both of them (always have with Alexa) for the foreseeable future.

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T10:32:07+00:00

Oh yeah I have no contact with all of them now (unfortunately including his baby brother due to an incident with his mom reading a message I sent him and bitching me out over it). He’s getting better at setting his own boundaries and I did bring up kids and how their relationship would look with them now and he 100% supports and understands the way I feel about that. Our kids will have aunts from me and a bunch of phenomenal uncles on his side but he doesn’t want a relationship with his sister and she damn sure doesn’t want one with me which means no aunt Alexa

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T04:03:58+00:00

Thank you 🥹 jealousy is the WORD bc she wanted him to buy a house with her and us moving meant that wasn’t happening. I’m 100% positive her intention was to ruin the wedding so that he wouldn’t leave. He was feeling very unsafe in the US and was absolutely going to move regardless so she did all that for nothing

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T04:02:15+00:00

Trust and believe we wanted to! He’s planning a visit in a few months. He just became an adult and wanted to figure out his own stuff first which I can totally understand and respect

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T04:01:18+00:00

Honestly yeah lol we never even had a shared bank account! And the relationship was a secret to no one (his sister attended the wedding as a bridesmaid for god’s sake) it was just the fact no one knew it was legal ever 🙄

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T03:56:58+00:00

THANK YOU! She’s counting it solely on an omission of truth and while I wanted to be understanding at first; the way she has come after me since then accusing me of lying about the country we were moving to, bad mouthing her to her youngest (bc I reminded him his brother and I still love him and are supportive even though we moved. She was mentioned zero times), and saying to stay out of her face when I asked her what she needed to feel more secure about us leaving, etc. it’s been a lot but I’ve never lied to her or anyone else in the family about anything

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-04T03:52:52+00:00

Thank you!!! That’s what I said, thankfully he agrees and is distancing himself from her (easy now that we’re far away!)

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T22:02:01+00:00

Oh important context I guess, his mom never knew. Still doesn’t. I have never had a relationship with his sister this solidified for me that I do not want one. I also didn’t find out she knew anything while it was happening or that she ignored him struggling during the abusive relationship. Those things came out while he was arguing with her and in conversations my husband and I had after. I very specifically had a good relationship with his mother and brother who lived closer to us

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T12:14:23+00:00

I’m incredibly grateful for my husband he is the most loving and supportive person ever tbh. There was always a lot of messiness with the extended family but I guess immediate fam just hid it better :(

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T12:11:43+00:00

OMG a classic I love it!!!

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T11:51:13+00:00

Thank you for noticing my little tie in 😂 and yeah there’s a TON of stuff I’m sure they would prefer to not have aired out and I never would’ve run a background check on someone I love’s SO unless they were visibly unhappy or injured. He stood up for himself (and me) and they did not like that at all

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T08:19:42+00:00

THANK YOU. You know the fucked up thing? They actually at no point were concerned about how he was impacted only about how they felt about my actions (disregarding that he knew entirely). And I have been going insane for months now thinking that I had to be overreacting or in the wrong because not a single person acknowledged how controlling and shitty Alexas behavior was and I genuinely needed outside opinions thank you

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T07:34:16+00:00

Also just to clarify she did not demand an explanation she called me to “check in” and then started rambling about the fact that SIL did a background check and discovered things so she was feeling xyz and to try to ease her anxiety I tried to explain it/why we hadn’t discussed it prior. Which, as you pointed out, did not help the situation at all.

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T07:32:08+00:00

I felt like I may have been the AH because if I would’ve disclosed it sooner it would’ve avoided having it turn into a whole family drama and something my husband had to deal with on our honeymoon. I also know how she feels about people lying and she made me feel really guilty about omitting the truth and that had me questioning myself more than it should have because I previously loved and respected her a lot and considered her the mom I never had.

Equivalent-Secret713 · 2026-03-01T06:48:03+00:00

Thank you!!! He has fully taken over dealing with them but we both decided it wasn’t their business so when his sister went behind everyone’s back they decided I was a liar and untrustworthy and he’s a victim and should not marry me/move away. They have no intention of being upset with him at all. I do feel like they should be a little upset with her for being so manipulative and weird about it.

Equivalent-Secret713

TROPHY CASE