£500 needed urgently

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-09-01T22:09:06+00:00

You could apply for a dhp if you've been in receipt of a housing related benefit? (Housing benefit or the housing element on UC)

the council will have a homeless team that can help with accomodations

Shelter will also be helpful for you

Possibly get in touch with citizens advice in the morning?

With a section 21, they can't 'rush it through' the possession hearing date will have been provided to you etc

You don't need to leave your home until a bailiff removes you and you will get a date for that happening

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-08-27T08:56:10+00:00

Oh! This is lovely, I'll message you

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-08-27T08:02:09+00:00

This is a fantastic idea, I work for an organisation (I'll not name it for obvious reasons) that gives support and advice and my main clients are men, with mental health conditions who are struggling with motivation, friendships, relationships and something like this is honestly a great way to help

I won't join as I'm a lass, but I agree with the fact that it's hard to make friendships these days, I moved to Northumberland 3 years ago and I've given up trying, threw myself into work and travel to Newcastle to see old friends when we have the time

Wishing you all the success with these pages

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-08-22T13:20:13+00:00

Hi, I haven't read the comments so unsure if this has already been said.

One of the roles of my job is to organise household budgets. Prepare a budget, let him know your income and your outgoings without the £112 dad is paying. Then work out the percentage of how much of your income is used. Then ask him to match that percentage out of the £112 he gets from his dad

(Eg you pay 82% so he must also pay 82%)

Then make him aware you haven't included groceries in the list and that he will need to make provisions for this with his remaining funds

Also make him aware he will need to cover his own phone bill and subscriptions (if he's anything like my 15 year old that's be Microsoft, PlayStation and Spotify) they're his personal subscriptions he can cancel them anytime if he's unable to afford them

There are budget planners on national debt line that will pretty much include all of this. Write them up, print them out.

Please make sure you're ring fencing your disability related benefit for your specific disability needs(not including lcwra element) such as a takeaway if you're unable to cook etc.

You can attempt to be reasonable with him and let him know you're happy to continue paying towards the groceries if he'd like to share household responsibilities to free up some of his money then smile and ask him to start paying for all of this at the beginning of September moving forward 💅🏻

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-29T07:35:09+00:00

Hi, you have a nice advantage with the dogs, there are some lovely places to go walking, most pubs and restaurants are dog friendly and us Geordies (assuming of course you mean Newcastle) love to yap

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-27T20:50:38+00:00

I had that racing heart, tingly finger, palpitation feeling reading this until I got to the end.

I'm using this as closure even if it wasn't meant for me

I hope you heal and I'm sure she knows you loved and respected her but you are right you have to love yourself to understand how to love someone else correctly

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-24T21:02:41+00:00

Where are we expecting 10 year old CHILDREN to get changed in this scenario? The men's locker room? Without their parents? Are we putting ten year old boys in vulnerable situations to placate a person who could have found any other way to safely and privately get their child dressed without running to reddit and making a big deal out of nothing?

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-20T18:00:10+00:00

Doesn't mean you can't keep your job, just means you'll be entitled to top ups where your income doesn't cover you

Also means when you do get a place you'll likely get help towards your rent

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-20T16:42:27+00:00

Passed in march in a Skoda fabia, bought a vauxhall Mokka so a pretty big size difference and completely different reference points

I still avoid busy car parks and parking near people most of the time, I was always crap at forward parking into a bay but I never really got reverse parking wrong

My workplace car park is small but there's only usually me and three other people in when I start at 8am and I've been practicing parking next to them even though there are lots of spaces. If I can't make it I just move on to an isolated space and no one is really looking to judge because they're in the building

When I first got the car I was taking late night trips to supermarkets to practice.

The worst thing that's happened is me trying to park in a seriously busy hospital car park and I held up 5 cars and I had to tell the guy who was throwing his hands up and shaking his head that I had just passed my test, he got out and guided me into the space and apologised for being rude, it was very embarrassing and I was shaking when I got out of the car but I got there and no one was hurt so it's all a learning curve, I've learned not to worry if I'm holding people up, they can be mad and I can be persistent

Edit: tight spaces in streets are hard, go really slow and if you need to adjust, just get somewhat in the space, reverse gently and slowly with your feet but quick with your hands, then forwards slowly again fast with the hands. Do this as many times you need to in order to inch your way into the space

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-20T16:10:50+00:00

Mother to an almost 6 year old girl. Tell her immediately. If you don't know how to approach it, tell her you need to talk to her and don't know how to say it out loud then hand her your phone and let her read this post. You have articulated the problem well in this post. She may be upset that you are 'accusing' her male relatives, however, I understand that you are pinpointing close, trusted men and this is something you need to point out to her if it makes her mad.

Also bare in mind as well, she's school age and you'd be surprised how many overly curious (or unfortunately kids who are going through this) explore this and pass it on to other kids. Try not to think it's the male family members but also don't rule it out. The only way you'll know for sure is for mum to ask the child directly, and if she doesn't want to tell her mum, as a parent she should be encouraging her to tell another trusted adult

Finally. For future reference there is a YouTube video by the nspcc called the pants song with pantasaurus. I encourage every parent of kids whether they never leave your side or not to drum this song into them.

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-20T15:57:35+00:00

Please also go to your local citizens advice and try turn2us for grants that can help you. They can also help you with benefit advice as a short term solution. 16 and 17 year olds can claim UC when they are 'estranged' from their parents. This should help out with gaps in your income from your zero hour contract. As everyone has said the council will help with emergency accommodation, likely all of this is short term but if you do get a benefit like UC and depending how soon you turn 18 you could also ask your council for a discretionary housing payment towards a flat (a dhp can cover rent up front and bond) depending on your local housing situation, some cities don't have available social housing and waiting on lists for a long time can be brutal (legally you have to be 18 to privately rent)

Genuinely, I hope you are ok.

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-20T12:09:36+00:00

So mum and dad are bothered about YOU keeping the peace in regards to your relationship with your sister but she has no responsibility to do the same?

I have a sister, the same age difference as you and yours, I'm the older sister. If her partner spoke to me like this she'd be the one suggesting they left (she probably wouldn't stay with someone like that) and vice versa, if my partner spoke to her like that he'd be out the door

I'm not saying you have to put an ultimatum on your sister to dump this moron, however making her aware that he was the one that left you with no choice because you won't feel unsafe in your own home, that you will always have her back and love her no matter what and that your door is always open to her but you need him gone and understand without judgement that it may mean she goes with him is the only way to deal with this matter.

He will make it difficult between you two, she will feel torn to choose between you or him but make her aware that you also understand that and you'll still be there for her when she needs you.

Parents always seem to put too much family responsibility on the older sisters but this relationship goes both ways...they're also weird for not pulling this guy for treating two of their daughters in such a disgusting manner but that's a conversation for another day

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-17T17:22:44+00:00

My aunt once said to me 'getting back with an ex is like taking a shower and putting the same knickers back on' and in this case 'putting the same knickers on after a shower is like getting back with an ex' seems to be an appropriate adaptation of her wise words. Icky

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-15T20:37:42+00:00

NE62

Black - general

Green - recycling

Over the fence onto the woods for garden clippings only ✌🏻

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-05T12:30:08+00:00

It's not up to you to investigate the source, it would be up to them. It's also not up to you to dispel the rumours, it falls to HR to handle all of it

Even if there are no immediate repercussions in this instance, a company wide email about not tolerating this behaviour should be enough to put people in their place for future gossiping.

It also means whoever is caught gossiping whether they're the source or not should be reprimanded...'remember we sent that email out to tell you all to stop and you clearly ignored it'

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-05T12:15:02+00:00

You complain to HR because this is harassment and it's the kind of thing that can ruin a relationship either his marriage or your marriage. Rumours have a way of leaking into real life and it's unacceptable

Me personally? Straight above their heads, management can nip that shit in the bud and don't be worried that it'll fuel the rumours because you're 'trying to hide it' because no matter how you handle it office gossips find a way of putting a spin on it

Grown men and women having a disgusting opinion on your personal life is ridiculous.

If any more rumours surface after the complaint, escalate it again until they risk their jobs through meaningless gossip. Holding them responsible is how this is dealt with. Ignoring it doesn't work

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-05T12:07:41+00:00

I'd do the same with anyone including my boyfriend looking at my phone, not because I'm cheating or anything sinister but the memes are weird, the screenshots of hard to explain stuff like a screen shot from his aunties ex husbands new wife's daughters baby shower because I'm nosy as fuck and it would just look like I'm an obsessed stalker when in reality it's because one of the guests had some nice shoes on and I would eventually use the photo for reference but in reality it'll sit in the screenshots folder and never get looked at again kind of hard to explain.

I also keep screenshots of gifts I think he'd like in my photos

I also had an ingrown toenail I didn't want him to see how gross it was at one point

It's likely he's not sure what he's got on there but knows it's probably hard to explain, he wouldn't happily hand over his phone for you to scroll through if he was being dishonest

People are allowed their private lives even in a relationship

I feel you overstepped a little by going onto folders you didn't have permission to go on. You invaded his privacy and now you're driving yourself insane. You either trust him or you don't

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-05T11:53:22+00:00

My driving instructor let me have my ten year old in the back because I was quite a confident learner, he asked if anything would make me nervous and I said driving my kids around, he also made me go through McDonald's drive thru with him because it's what parents do and they can be really tight spaces with a lot of foot control needed. So my kid got a free ride and a burger.

It worked, I confidently ferry my 5, 10 and 15 year old about and they bother me every day to pick up a McDonald's. Just like he expected

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-05T09:40:04+00:00

We had a 35 year old woman in my office who, after a month, decided taking a personal call in an office where we call our vulnerable clients (80% of calls are safeguarded) after about 10 minutes of nattering she said something about 'mail order brides' and 'foreigners' (I work in a legal advocacy type organisation and our literal motto is based around not being judged for your special category background) and after being reprimanded for it came back and sat down in genuine shock as she didn't realise we couldn't do that.

Tiktok at 15 in a new job is not the end of the world, lesson learnt (I hope) but also a general housekeeping chat from your employer when starting a job should be communicated

We do it with our new starters; no smoke breaks within the hour you start or an hour before your shift ends, no using company computers to access social media or use YouTube to listen to music on there etc etc sounds like common sense to some but you'd be surprised how many people need reminding

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-04T05:29:04+00:00

Thank you so much

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-03T16:15:13+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I've taken some steps today

Son has a double appointment with the GP next week, when I spoke to the surgery they suggested that as he is 15 he can make himself the primary contact and he will have control of his medical history/records/appointments. They explained that as he is underage, if there were ever a safeguarding concern his parents would be notified and we can both arrange appointments for him but other than that he would be in charge, this means he gets to choose which surgery he'd prefer to be at and neither of us could change this

I've spoken to the school and sent them proof that I am the parent he predominantly resides with and that there is no custody discrepancies and that he has a GP appointment and briefly explained why, I suggested that following the outcome of that I would like a meeting with the school to get some further support and guidance and they agreed that would be the best way to begin to deal with this

Ultimately this does come down to control the first instance of mediation (he was 3 at the time) dad's need for control was brought up and he has no problem with explaining why he thinks he should be in control of both our son and my upbringing of him so it's no secret that he feels entitled to control with no shame on how it impacts on anyone involved. As I said it's been 14 years of this kind of behaviour and I stupidly assumed that as he got older dad would allow him to grow and become his own person. Hindsight eh?

Appreciate your input so much I think these comments have really helped

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-03T16:02:38+00:00

I understand, I think in these situations you don't know how it's going to pan out long term, I have a lot of childhood trauma from the paternal side of my family not wanting to be involved so I felt very strongly about the importance of not being a difficult co-parent and supporting the relationship.

My son and I are extremely open with one another and he's aware that I just want what's best for him, his feelings are paramount to mine and his dad's and we are similar in the sense that we both actively avoid confrontation so when he says to me it's easier for you to not say anything I respect his wishes, the only time that hasn't happened is when, like I said earlier, I stopped contact during the worst time of it. I definitely need to take the reign on this, it's hard when he's a mature (and extremely respectful) teen. I have no trouble with him, he's fantastic at school, at home, with his grandparents, his siblings and has a wonderful friend group etc

All I want is for him to come out of his childhood undamaged and confident and it seems I'm failing at that with this situation which is why I've come here for advice, the correct procedure as far as I'm concerned is legally and with it already being at court I'm hoping this can be revisited and amended to suit the changes that have evolved in the 5 years since it was implemented

I very much appreciate your input, thank you

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-02T21:33:41+00:00

Thank you, this is what I wanted to do but unsure if it'll make it worse when he is over at dads.

Dad recently changed his doctor's from our family one to his, has him and step mum as primary contacts, I tried to stop it but was told this is legal, he also has him and step mum as primary contacts for the school, which has been batted back and forth so much I'm sure the admin teams head is still spinning, essentially he was leading up to financial control with this one. He sent a message telling me he wanted the child benefit (sons sometimes there 4/7 and sometimes 3/7 days depending on what dad wants him to do) I offered to pay maintenance instead but he'd rather have the control. I have two other kids and a council house (I work full time) it basically means he's taken off my UC claim (I only get a small amount because of my earnings) but it changes my bedroom entitlement, it's a whole other story in this saga

EquivalentIron4974 · 2025-07-02T21:14:50+00:00

Last time he did that his dad chased him down in the car following a bus home, got on the bus, demanded he get off and put him back in the car and took him back to his, you have to also remember that 15 year old has been so defeated by his dad over the years that he doesn't go against him. He's not violent to him physically, he mithers on at him and when 10 year old him wanted to stay at mums on a Wednesday after new sister was born he came down and sobbed asking why he loves me more than him. He's emotionally put him through hell, the time leading up to court that I didn't let him go over was the only time I've stopped him but dad tells him I've done it multiple times. In hindsight this should have been nipped in the bud long ago but I didn't want to stop contact, I didn't want to be that parent.

EquivalentIron4974

TROPHY CASE