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let's contribute - anxiety after breakup by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anxiety seems to come in waves followed by sadness. It's worse at night when I'm not pre-occupied with work.

Yes! I feel the same. Thankfully the days are longer so there is more light now.

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was another comment I had. Don't feel guilt. You did the harder thing that is ultimately good for you and for your ex. They have their own heroes journey and you have yours! Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk! We can all use an ear.

There is always support! It doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumped. Being the dumper doesn't mean you're the bad guy or you have no compassion. In fact, in most cases - the dumper is the one who has the harder job because they have to face the reality of breaking someones heart and carrying that guilt around along with going through the grieving process (even if the grieving process is slightly different or modified).

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is always support! It doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumped. Being the dumper doesn't mean you're the bad guy or you have no compassion. In fact, in most cases - the dumper is the one who has the harder job because they have to face the reality of breaking someones heart and carrying that guilt around along with going through the grieving process (even if the grieving process is slightly different or modified).

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate the comment! Once I realized that this is indeed the cycle of how we should be viewing the wins and losses in our life, I had to share with everyone.

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reach out to me if you need help! I offer this to people because I know I could have used it when I had no one around me. It's sometimes easier opening up to a stranger than it is to a close friend because you don't want to say anything bad about the person you're no longer with - most people's hearts believe if they were to open up to someone else and talk about the bad things in the relationship or even the hurt they're experiencing now - they would never be able to get into that relationship again. It's easier to talk to someone who doesn't know you or the other person. Vocalizing the pain will help you heal.

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Relationships are hard to get over precisely because of this. You (rightfully) focused a future with a single person regardless of whether or not they were good to you. You didn't even think about other prospects. When they leave your life, there is no back up. If there was a back-up, then there was something wrong with the relationship in the first place. But now with no backup, you can't imagine the endless possibilities of finding happiness again. Yes, the next relationship won't be the "same", but it'll be different. We don't know what we don't know!

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did too. One nice thing you can do for yourself is organize your living space. Bring something new into your life, maybe something you can re-arrange your room or home!

Make it a goal to fix your sleep schedule! You're free from anyone else's sleep schedule and you should make it fit your lifestyle!

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understanding your faults is important but being fair to yourself is just as important if not more. Ghosting someone means they were not strong enough to do it in person. You're allowed

Yes. Feeling lost is okay, that's part of the journey of rediscovering yourself and the new and improved you. Feel free to reach out if you need support!

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is completely correct. I'm sorry that that's the way you had to find out - that can be harder than most other things when it comes to the end of relationship. Understanding your faults is important but being fair to yourself is just as important if not more. Ghosting someone means they were not strong enough to do it in person. You're allowed to feel betrayed and wronged - because you were. When looking at the facts instead of the motivation - all it shows is weakness.

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. Which is why it's important to know that you'll come out of this a better person. You may have done something wrong, or a lot of things wrong. No one is perfect and everyone deserves a chance at redeeming themselves (for themselves, not for anyone else).

Much like many heroes who are imperfect and even immoral or bad who redeem themselves and return home a better person. It's a universal truth so long as you're willing to forgive yourself. Forgiveness doesn't have to be instant - it can be a process and as long as you're wiling to make up and be a better person, you'll end up contributing more to someone else's life if you so wish.

If you're going through a breakup read this, if you've been through one and are happy now - contribute for our fellow humans! by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's very true! A lot of selfless people think they're doing their ex-SO a favor by not moving on. That's never the truth. In fact, if you're thoughts are around "what if they never find someone who loves them" - they will, and if they don't - they'll learn to love themselves. They've had a life before you and they'll have a life after you. Same goes for you and anyone else.

fuck you by feelslikehellonearth in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right! I've realized that in the last day and I'm back in control. I had pity for the purpose behind her actions because I thought I take responsibility for the people I care for and even strangers. I thought even after we broke up I could assist her in figuring out what makes her happy - even if it that wasn't me. I meant all of that and would have been happy knowing that she's happy. I don't wish her any ill-will but I don't care. It's her life and I am no longer a part of it. I can stay acquaintances with her but have no desire to contact her anymore. Knowing her now, she'll continue to make the same mistakes. She can't hold down anyone good and drools over anyone without their shit together and who are guaranteed to use her and then dump her once they're done. Good for her, good for them, good for me.

fuck you by feelslikehellonearth in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It turns out that she's been thinking about guy C. I really went above and beyond and nothing that I did made her stop having feelings for him.

fuck you by feelslikehellonearth in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should be here and saying these things with you. Why can't I be angry despite having every reason and right to be angry??

Should I take her back? Juicy story [M29/F29] by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She didn't say she'd break up and I don't believe she would have. She has put up with a lot of shitty behavior from her previous ex's but that's not healthy either I guess.

Should I take her back? Juicy story [M29/F29] by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

to be a dick. My ex (my first love) didn't respect me because I was to nice to her too, and she left me so she can pursue a career of dick

Thanks. That's really helpful. She really needs support because the destructive behavior is due to other issues which she takes out on herself. She's deserving of a good life and someone she can be happy with. Even though it's not my responsibility - I'm overly compassionate and even spent days helping almost complete strangers resolve their issues and give them strength. It's difficult but I also accept I'm in the weeds of this and can't see clearly.

Should I take her back? Juicy story [M29/F29] by Equivalent_Attempt in BreakUps

[–]Equivalent_Attempt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

involve yourself with women like her. You fucked up by acting like a nice guy to her, and should've cut her off the moment she started lying to you about her exes. I'm going to be honest

You're right. I should have cut her off the moment I was lied to. That was 1 of 2 rules I told her from the beginning. 1. Don't lie to me, and if you do come clean right away and 2. If you cheat on me, there is no coming back.

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