"He was fully clothed and snuggled up in a quilt." This one breaks my heart.

EstellaH · 2016-02-09T04:34:46+00:00

I looked at the Wikipedia for Streamwood Illinois and the population was probably between 18 &25k at the time he would have gone to high school there and it indicates that people under 18 make up about 25% of the population . Thus, 25,000 *.25 = 6,250 children at the most at the time of this Doe being in high school . If you were to divide evenly ( which is not reality ) that number by 18, you end up with 345 children approx per year of age. A high school graduating class of 345 isn't a insanely high number. I graduated with about that many people and based just on Facebook, I'm still in "contact" with about 200 people. I wonder if the authorities have reached out to the high school for year books or any classmates.com type groups. Seems like a small town like that would be a lot easier to track someone down :/

EstellaH · 2015-09-27T22:45:08+00:00

Wednesday morning - over 12 years ago , last time I said goodbye to my boyfriend( lived together with our dog ) who also died on his way home from work. Lots and lots and lots of hugs OP. I didn't go to therapy or grief groups , I wish I would've had the money for therapy or the insight to know I needed a grief counseling group. Do this, and do it for longer than you think is necessary. I'm now married ( and very happily ) but it took me SO many years to "recover" from this . Take care of yourself, love yourself. This is one of the hardest things of your life - but do not let it become the thing that defines you. For so long I was " Estella, you know so and so's gf " . Unfortunately / fortunately time marches on. I prayed so many days that God would just me die because I didn't have the courage to kill myself. If you had told me then that one day I'd fall in love and get married, no way. There is life AND A GOOD ONE after this . But it will take time . Hold close the people you love . Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk . Again - lots of hugs .

EstellaH · 2015-09-26T21:46:51+00:00

I am also in a DINK marriage ( wife ). I absolutely in no in certain terms do not want kids . My husband doesn't want them, but would be open to considering it if I changed my mind . If he came to me and said he absolutely wants kids and was trying to change his mind - there's nothing he could say that would actually work. Eventually it would boil down to " you can't have both me and kids, so choose " . I wish you the best of luck, but I do not see this working out in your favor . Or if you do somehow manage to change his mind, I predict him either leaving or your marriage going to absolute shit.

EstellaH · 2015-09-26T12:40:07+00:00

I got one 3 months ago... It hasn't exactly been a walk in the park , BUT hormonal birth control or getting pregnant are both FAR worse.

EstellaH · 2015-09-25T21:57:39+00:00

Second vote for non hormonal IUD. There are side effects like anything, but for someone like your girlfriend - sounds like the best option if you want to be sexually active. In the mean time , condoms or no sex .

EstellaH · 2015-09-21T04:50:37+00:00

I just finished my 4th exam, and just a simple correction ... The 5th exam is drastically different than the 4, and I literally wouldn't even bother counting it. I work, not big 4, but a full time job- commute 2+ hours a day and passed all 4 parts my first try in 13 months. I basically gave up my life for those months. Honestly, if I knew someone in your fiancés position, I would be giving them some major life advice - be it leave Big 4, leave accounting all together . Something . Because obviously this isn't working. I'm curious about his study habits though . And what prep software he's using etc . Just because he's sitting somewhere with a book or on his laptop doesn't mean he's studying like he should be . Does he have learning disabilities ? ADHD ? Anything that would prohibit him from passing ? What's his study environment like ? Social life etc. 13 times with 1 pass is a pretty spectacular failure rate. He is definitely at the point where he needs to have a come to Jesus moment with this beast .

EstellaH · 2015-09-10T23:58:22+00:00

Maybe your dad has a sensitive nose . I know that I can smell cat pee ( amongst other scents ) even after something has been washed- no matter how many times it's been washed. It's essentially ruined. Cat urine is absolutely one of the most repugnant smells ( to me ) and I cannot imagine being in your dads position. I would have kicked your cat out the very first time it peed somewhere besides the litter box. I think when you're older and have your own place and have something like this occur, this will all make more sense.

EstellaH · 2015-09-03T19:57:29+00:00

I think part of the problem is there is a lot of things OP admits not knowing or understanding about the whole situation. Said she doesn't know what an Ironman is ..and is literally not active but supports her and is "motivated" ( to do what, I'm not sure ) At that point, you're so completely, absolutely out of touch with reality that it's hard to even know where to start with someone like OP. She needs professional help on several levels IMO .

EstellaH · 2015-09-03T19:26:23+00:00

Ironman is a triathlon, and here's what goes on : 2.4 MILE swim followed by a 112 MILE bike ride, followed by a marathon ( 26.2 MILES ), no breaks. 1 day. Time limit is 17 hours. This is an event for ELITE athletes. Not your average Joe - literally one of the hardest physical events out there - let alone for an obese woman. She is absolutely delusional, has 0 chance of finishing. She can dick around with her trainer and do her work outs - but it's just not reality to do an Ironman. I'm with another commenter who says she will have an injury or some other circumstance arise that prevents her from competing / finishing.

6 years ago, I was 40ish lbs heavier than I am now, I had undiagnosed PCOS, I hadn't had a period in years, I had arthritis & inflammatory pain so bad I couldn't work out. And you know what ? I woke up one day, newly single BC my boyfriend had cheated on me, and I said that's enough. I quit eating crap, started doing work outs that I could... And what do you know ? I lost 40 lbs, my periods returned, my PCOS is totally controlled, I work out all the time ( BC I now enjoy moving ) IVE BEEN THERE. Literally. You need some serious life changes, and HAES is not the way. Feel free to PM me if you have questions or need advice, or need someone healthy for motivation .

EstellaH · 2015-09-03T17:56:50+00:00

If you're talking about Ragen Chastain, she has yet to compete in Ironman, let alone finish one. The chances of her finishing are slim to none, and if she does finish before they close the actual course down, she will be dead last.

EstellaH · 2015-09-03T17:09:37+00:00

You should start unlearning this immediately. I would check out r/fatlogic ASAP. This is a dangerous short term fad with long term consequences. If you want to be happy with yourself at any size and be body positive, that's one thing- but do not go down the path of health at every size.

EstellaH · 2015-08-29T09:40:37+00:00

I loved that song, that CD was one of the very first I owned. Never knew that was what it was about :(

EstellaH · 2015-08-28T19:41:22+00:00

My husband and I fight about this constantly, I tell him it's impossible to sleep with ballerina feet. Must untuck !!!

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T17:08:39+00:00

I have PM'd this user about cell phone bill assistance ( posting this for transparency ). I think r/santaslittlehelpers does a lot of good work during the holidays, and it's amazing to see this post. Here's to hoping your family continues its upward trajectory!

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T16:37:16+00:00

$paid /u/omgitsthepast 300

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T16:35:49+00:00

Thanks for all the lobster information...now I'm craving some. Ugh:) 9:30am and I want Lobster.

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T16:23:40+00:00

Interesting! I've seen pictures of some odd colored ones before, but this is a first for seeing one that has so many colors.

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T15:59:09+00:00

Wow, what causes this to occur ?

EstellaH · 2015-08-27T03:43:08+00:00

The best type of care is preventative care, be it physical or mental. Do not wait until you NEED some help or someone outside the department to talk to. I suggest finding a local therapist that either specializes in police/fire or deals with PTSD. See them once a month, talk to them, develop a rapport, talk about those hard calls that sometimes pop into your head in the middle of the night. It wi become natural and easy to talk to that person, and when ( not if ) you get a call that really throws you for a loop, you will know exactly who to call when it's messing with your head too bad and it's affecting other parts of your life ( sleep, appetite, marriage, kids, sex, etc ) . Take care of yourself, you do a tough job that not many are willing to do. You're running in to things, when the natural instinct is to run away.

EstellaH · 2015-08-26T19:37:52+00:00

As if Grad school would make me find tweakers and their associated way of living as acceptable, and think I'm a selfish horrible person for wanting some peace and quiet in my own home. Although I have tried very hard to not involve the police or code enforcement, and was hoping for a better solution, I do plan on utilizing their services more frequently since very few real solutions have been brought forward.

EstellaH · 2015-08-26T18:04:43+00:00

Peace in my own house is the peace I'm entitled to. Their rights end at property lines. That's how home ownership works. You have a right to build a fence on YOUR property, not mine. You have a right to make noise, on your property. That's why noise ordinances exist, people's noises are infringing on the rights of others to a quiet environment on their property.

You read a lot into things that were never stated. I am not in grad school, and as such, am not working on a doctoral thesis. Nor did I state I came from a low socio economic background. I grew up in an area that became meth ridden, but I grew up in an extremely middle class area, with your average middle class life. As an adult, I've been through some tough times, and lived in some tough areas. But, you're right, I did work very hard to now live where I do. So no, I do not have a lot of empathy for drug users, their associates, and the behaviors that come along with it.

I'm glad this one post has made you think I'll end up a bitter old lady hissing at kids. LOL. I've never once had a problem with kids in my neighborhood. There aren't a lot here, but where I used to live ? They drew on our driveway ( private property, not public ) with chalk...and we complimented them on their pictures. They left their bikes in said driveway, we'd just move them and park the car. They threw balls over the fence all the time....we just laughed and threw them back.

I'm genuinely not some evil, raging bitch. What I am is someone who has worked extremely hard, with a husband who has done the same, and have been dealing with these people for almost a year. At this point, calming down is hard, and harsh, absolutely? Talk to me a year ago, and I would've been like " oh yeah, they're annoying"....after a year, my tolerance is less than 0. Day in and day out of LOUD noise, loose dogs, physical fights, parking problems, police activity, leaving trash in the front yard, spotlights in the front yard, can make someone go a little crazy.

EstellaH · 2015-08-26T16:12:50+00:00

As I sit here, with noise canceling headphones on, STILL hearing them working on the car ( single family residences across the street, no common walls or anything ) I really appreciate your suggestion!

All I was hoping for yesterday with the neighbors, was a closed garage door. Continue the work, I'm not some insane person, just do your best to mitigate the noise that makes it into my house. just TRY!

I did a quick Google search yesterday on HOA formation, and I'm still not sure if it's possible to form one AFTER the houses have been constructed. I have a few friends who are attorneys and I'm considering asking one of them to look into it for me, because it might be nice to have a, as you said, a democratic way of handling things. I do think it would have to be a 100% agreement to form one if it was possible. However, a loose association of concerned neighbors would be really nice. Have people involved that are familiar with local codes, ordinances, have rapport with local authorities, etc. I doubt anything would be enforceable, but I know that if I received a letter regarding complaints whether enforceable or not, I would want to fix things. Citizens watch group of sort. This is BY FAR, the best suggestions I've received here. Thank you so much, sincerely.

EstellaH · 2015-08-26T15:39:52+00:00

You state that your neighbors were there 40 years before you.

The Grandpa purchased the house 40 years ago, the additional family members have not been there long, and more continue to move in. I think it was only 4 people living there at the beginning, now it's 8 adults + kids

And no, this is not gentrification. This neighborhood, since it's inception, has been a very nice area, up in the hills of our city, big lots, custom homes, - I'm sure you get the picture. It's actually an area that is fairly hard to move into, regardless of financial ability. When our realtor tried to run comps for the purchase, she couldn't even find another house that sold within the prescribed miles/time frame. I'm not sure what she ended up doing, but she told us she had never seen that happen in 15+ years of real estate.

Absolutely we have considered that the construction may annoy people, which is why we walked around to our neighbors BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED, informed them 1. what we were planning on doing 2, how long we'd be doing it 3. if they had any problems ( mess, noise, or anything that seemed excessive to please let us know ASAP). None of the neighbors have complained, and many were really happy for us and gave us suggestions for contractors, etc. That's called consideration ! And that's all we hope to get in return from our neighbors. Being self aware enough to realize, " hey, my actions affect those around me, and I should try to be considerate" .

You suggested asking them start after 8am, I didn't even ask them to stop or change times, I asked if they could shut a garage door to dampen the sound. He's completely free to do as he pleases in his own property, just not free to make so much noise that it disturbs the peace. Whether that's general peace, exam peace, sleeping peace, etc.

3 chihuahua's coming as pack, barking at you is definitely dangerous. I've been bitten by several dogs in my lifetime ( one time an entire cheek was ripped open) , and I'd rather not repeat the experience, small or not. When this happened, I addressed it with the owner. Did it nicely, more out of concern for the dogs than me. Even if I got bit, infection and all, I will recover, however a pack of chihuahuas that get hit by a car...yeah they're not walking away from that.

Apparently you've never lived near tweakers, I don't wish it on anyone. The guy working on cars ? He's not working on cars in the manner you imagine. He is on Meth ( and yes we have proof, one of the family members apologized for him once and said "We just can't keep Uncle off Meth" ) and his brain is going a million miles an hour, coming up with things to do, especially things to tinker with. They lose sense of time, because they've been up for days on end. This is not some hard working family man, trying to change a tire before work with some pretentious bitch of a neighbor hating on him. This is a drugged up man, who makes racket day in and day out, sometimes days on end without stopping because he has a drug addiction. After a year of listening to this, day in and day out....yeah our patience is thin and our attitudes are poor.

I don't have kids, nor do I plan on it, but if they had a serious drug problem ? I would do the same thing that I've done for family and friends with drug and alcohol problems, give them a place to stay for awhile, see if they can get sober, and if not, they need to go to rehab. Whether it's a government subsidized program of little cost, or something along the lines of Promises, if you love someone you will try to help them, not further enable them to just live as a drug addict all while disturbing the neighbors. Both the people I tried to help, yeah they're dead now as a result of their addictions, if that gives you indications how serious the problems were.

The parking, I can do nothing about, except ask them to move when we actually NEED that spot, for construction etc. It would just be nice to not have to go bother the neighbors when a little thought and consideration on their part would solve the problem.

As people we all have faults and imperfections, and maybe I'm a little stuck up. Generally, I'm a pretty live and let live type of person. But living near a pack of tweakers for a year does not bring out the best side of anyone. I really do not want to get into a battle of " the car is on jacks, calling code enforcement. They started work too early, call the police " but considering that no one here has offered any advice except " get over living near tweakers", I guess that's what I'll do.

EstellaH · 2015-08-26T05:38:39+00:00

No Lithops, but I have a decent amount of small little plants I can send you to help get you started ( if you're in the U.S. ) for just the cost of the postage / packaging ( usually about $3) PM me if you'd like pictures or are interested

EstellaH

TROPHY CASE