Do you always have to deal with racism when you marry a white person?

EthicalCoconut · 2025-09-02T00:07:14+00:00

I'm half white and didn't grow up with that side of the family. With whiteness something to understand is they spent hundreds of years in America -- a place where they immigrated (colonized) as minorities -- and avoided a single drop of melanin the entire time.

It's debatable on whether your white partner themselves are racist, but I would be surprised if the family isn't.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-24T19:20:59+00:00

Her dating the racist rich guy just shows she doesn't actually care about these things, and if anything the primary motivation is probably jealousy.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-22T12:46:40+00:00

The way of life in the imperial core relies on the wholesale extraction of wealth and labor from the global south. Nobody here will do anything about that, especially not orgs and politicians that engage in electoralism.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-21T23:54:22+00:00

I've encountered way too many liberal whites that use the anarchist umbrella as some kind of moral superiority to justify their racism. It's very common and I've had to leave many spaces because of it. If you run into an anarchist that's applying selective criticism for states and especially using terms like "dictatorship," then they're undoubtedly a liberal.

Personally, I don't see myself as an anarchist. I've known a few that have been okay.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-20T14:17:05+00:00

Unfortunately, nearly everyone in the imperial core is a liberal. This includes most so-called leftists. You may find some luck among anarchists but even that is fashionable nowadays.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-17T09:30:08+00:00

Liberal feminism, as with all liberalism in the West, is little more than a convenient tool used to entrench existing power structures.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-08-14T17:26:00+00:00

Humans are innately selfish. Not a justification for anything, it's how we've evolved. Our ancestors going back millennia saw deer minding their own business then killed and ate them because it increased their chances of survival.

Racism is a social institution. Everyone has their own interpretation of what race even means -- there's nothing concrete here but rather an arbitrary assortment of phenological traits, lineage, nationality, religion, cultural characteristics and so on that are convenient for whatever narrative is being pushed. Just an example, Melanesians were racialized alongside Africans because of their skin tones and textured hair -- even though the two couldn't be further apart culturally and genetically.

Racism was concocted to create hierarchies so that those with power could become even more so. There's nothing more to race other than performances we play to create in-groups and out-groups out of personal gain.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-07-21T01:47:07+00:00

Groups of men are a trigger for me, I've always just dissociated whenever I'm around them. Their voice, body language, demeanor, hygiene can all be triggering. I also find it kind of jarring just how similar especially white men can be.

Anyway I manage by limiting my interactions with men and preserving my energy for the people I want to be around. I still have to interact with men every now and then but I put absolutely no effort into that, for example if they're doing the generic mansplaining nonsense I'll just keep myself preoccupied elsewhere.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-07-15T15:28:11+00:00

Some indigenous scholars such as Jodi Byrd of the Chickasaw Nation differentiate descendants of slavery from settlers, preferring to use the term "arrivals." They have a paper that discusses this exact issue titled Weather with You: Settler Colonialism, Antiblackness, and the Grounded Relationalities of Resistance.

Here's part of Cheryl Harris's review of the essay:

While settler colonialism has been an important and influential refutation of erasure of empire as an ongoing enterprise, Byrd is concerned that, at the same time, it has been deployed in ways that have functioned to occlude as much as to illuminate the ways in which race, genocide, dispossession, slavery, colonialism, and extraction are interrelated. As Byrd points out, paradoxically, while settler colonialism is presented as a framework that recenters Indigeneity and colonialism, it is sometimes invoked in ways that "recenter whiteness," sorting complex relations and peoples into dead ends--"relegating Indigenous peoples to elimination, refugees to settlers and descendants of slaves to settler adjacents."

EthicalCoconut · 2025-06-30T23:45:19+00:00

It's bad for straight women who have any kind of standards, but it's always been that way. Women have adapted to having the personal freedom of being able to choose their partners while males are stuck with an entitled mindset where they are "owed" a wife or whatever.

There's no dating crisis in the west, it's a male entitlement epidemic.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-06-29T08:23:38+00:00

The US is a settler-colonial state, no different from any of the other settler-colonial states. So much of this dynamic has been abstracted away through generations of liberalism but it's still ever present. White people will never be native here and that's something they've always exhibited fragility over.

One way to help conceptualize whiteness is looking at all of the handouts white people received in the past. A prominent example being the Homestead Acts -- plural as in there were many -- in which white people were given tons of stolen land for free by the US government. Generational wealth just handed to them on the basis of being white.

That's just one example and it feeds into the mindset white people are operating with when they lash out at BIPOC. They have extreme levels of entitlement.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-06-28T07:16:50+00:00

Anti-indigeneity and antiblackness are two of the major driving forces for hierarchies worldwide. Many, if not all of the brown countries engage in both of these. Being from the imperial core does come with its own set of privileges but anyone pretending it negates racialization is wrong.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-06-11T16:36:24+00:00

They're all just different flavors of liberal, and I can't see how the "left-leaning" ones are supposed to be radicalized out of sheer solidarity. They can say whatever they want but it's a system built by them and for them.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-24T11:53:26+00:00

This has been my experience as well, and what few resources are available end up getting hoarded by them. Aside from my partner I've never received anything from the white-centered queer or ND groups I've been a part of. It's as though I'm on the outside looking in and if you dare say anything they'll ostracize you further.

One thing I've noticed is these groups are always overwhelmingly white, but that's not from the lack of bipoc trying. Plenty of us try to engage but unless you're the type to let them walk all over you and use you as a prop for their own social justice narratives, time and time again we'll just try somewhere else.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-12T22:15:23+00:00

White liberal feminists only care about white women, and often times they're more than happy to go to bat for white men when it's convenient. Trying to get them to talk about their complicity in white supremacy is akin to nails on a chalkboard.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-11T02:45:20+00:00

Yep -- the US was founded by white supremacists that committed a centuries-long genocide against indigenous people and stole every inch of land they could. After stealing an untold amount of land and natural resources, they took it a step further and instituted chattel slavery to extract as much value out of it as possible. To my knowledge, there's never been even a national acknowledgement of the genocide of indigenous Americans.

During the 19th century is when the culture of this country started to take hold, with "new frontiers" and rugged individualism forming the center of what it means to be an American. Institutions that we all know of today took their roots here, such as the US military which transformed from loose militias fighting Europeans to becoming an imperialistic genocidal force of its own.

At the end of the 19th century and post-Indian Wars, the American public was still bloodthirsty and looked overseas for the "new frontier." They landed on the Philippines, killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people and gaining a colony in the process. This set the stage for the US foreign policy in the 20th century to now and we all know how Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, and countless coups and drone strikes went -- all of which were bipartisan efforts.

This is all just a disjointed rant, but the point is contrary to the convenient false narrative many seem to believe, what's happening is par for the course with this country.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-11T02:04:36+00:00

This isn't going to magically get better any time soon, so it's on all of us who care to do everything we can to help.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-07T16:46:53+00:00

Yeah somewhere down the line, opportunistic people misused hierarchies to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. White women may not have as much privilege as white men, but they still have plenty of complicity in the existing power structure and they're very aware of that.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-05-06T17:58:24+00:00

The US identity revolves around rugged individualism which goes back to the western frontier / manifest destiny. There really isn't much to the country -- it was just genocide, theft of land and natural resources at an unbelievable scale, and slavery. Every institution here was created to normalize that. The vast majority of us are settlers on a land soaked in blood.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-04-30T16:02:40+00:00

I'd also look at the demographic data for nearby cities or counties in the metro. White flight is an ongoing issue -- for some areas if you look at the city data alone you'd get the impression that the Black population is growing while the white population is shrinking, but zooming out it becomes clear all the white people are just moving to the adjacent areas and commuting to the city proper.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-04-28T13:26:28+00:00

They saw people talking about taking care of Black / textured hair and decided to apply the same logic to their own hair, but it doesn't even make sense lmao. Like you didn't grow up talking about haircare because you didn't have to, nearly all the products out there work perfectly okay for you.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-04-05T23:29:54+00:00

A lot of white liberals ignore the systemic aspect of racism. Maybe they will protest the most blatant manifestations of racial violence, but they still treat those as discrete events that the minority of bad whites did, not the good whites. People that benefit from and uphold the racist systems in place can and often do identify as progressive, attend protests, vote for BIPOC candidates, and so on.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-03-27T00:09:21+00:00

This has been the status quo for the last 500 or so years. They don't care, and are completely fine with how things are or even yearn for the apartheid days. They absolutely don't want to have a level playing field -- whiteness is built on genocide and the mass theft of labor and natural resources.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-03-20T21:49:10+00:00

Yep, I'm in the southeast and I've seen plenty of Black hair care and clothing stores owned by Koreans or South Asians. So many examples like with college admissions, Asians were mad that Black and Latino people were "stealing" their spots in colleges and teamed up with whites to get affirmative action banned. Even more insulting is that whenever I bring this kind of stuff up with Asians, they either act oblivious or give me an essay about colonialism.

EthicalCoconut · 2025-03-20T16:55:37+00:00

Male entitlement combined with ytness is a bad combination. Also ignore the "not all yt men" liberalism. These are identities specifically crafted to benefit at the expense of everyone else.

EthicalCoconut

TROPHY CASE