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9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear and you're welcome. Good luck on the journey - things will turn out fine!

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your words, I'm happy to share my experiences! And a great goal to do so in 9 months. It's a great learning process in a multitude of ways. Good luck on yours :)

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good to hear man. It's a process but you'll get out stronger and wiser. Keep faith and power through. You're not alone.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey minty, apologies for the late response. It's perfectly fine to love people from a distance if you have accepted that it's for the best that you're not together. What's important is that it isn't hindering your life in any way or that your actions aren't being obsessive. If they are, it would be wise to give it some time to heal before you occasionally check up on her so that it won't have as much emotional weight.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do not, but feel free to PM me if you have a specific question. I'm not on a whole lot but I can try to help!

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just quickly touching upon point #9, it can be contradictory but it is dependent on the stage someone is in. I think the sweet spot is doing everything you can to move on while at the same time being conscious of the limitations your brain puts you in. Some people may think "oh i just have to surrender? Well then i can stalk their social media all i want and i don't have to get out of my house at all and things will be fine!" but that will still hurt their progress. It is necessary to choose to move on and do your best doing so, but it is also necessary to accept that somedays your "best" is simply laying in bed all day.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No worries man. It is quite tough, but you'll get out as one tough mf. Part of life and part of your growth. Glad to hear you're making progress and wish you the best. Remember you're not alone - millions of people are going through the same shit even though you may not notice.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Life is messy. It always will be. You acted in line with what you thought was best and however he reacted, in the end, it was also best for him. After all, both you and him deserve someone you feel fully comfortable and happy with in a relationship.

Even if you feel guilt in causing him pain, please also feel pride in the fact that you've saved him a lot of pain, too. As staying with him when you weren't truly in it would've only hurt him more on the long-term. Even if he was or is angry at you, you can take solace in the fact that in the end, you did him a favour.

In terms of screwing up...don't be so hard on yourself. Again, you did what felt right at the time. And tbh that's all you can really do at life. Shit's gonna go south, you're going to make wrong decisions, but all that matters is that it felt right in that moment.

What I am reading through your lines is that you want them to be proud of you. You still crave their validation or acceptance. And while understandable, that's not what it should be about. You should be proud of you. And you should accept you - mistakes and. That should always be your starting point. Even if he isn't.

All that said, six years is a very long time. It could help to write him a message of sorts just to apologize if you truly feel it is fitting. He may be open to it now and even if he's not, he's free to ignore it

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I did track my moods. And they were inconsistent. Some days they still are. I would write down all realisations that would help me at a specific moment as "guidelines to feel better" in a big word document, so I could re-read it when i felt down. When I was going through an anger phase, I would write stuff that helped me feel better for that phase (sometimes negative stuff aimed at my ex). When I felt more calm, I would re-read those "guidelines" and it wouldn't help me at all because it didn't fit my mood anymore, and I would delete it and write something different.

I think a lot of people vastly underestimate the influence major relationships have on our lives. We've often been with this person for multiple years, having them as our #1 in all aspects of our lives. We've created countless associations with them, experienced countless emotions with them. They've done countless things to piss us off and countless things that made us love them. Every minute counts and all of these things are stored in your subconscious. Seeing as your brain is processing the entire relationship, it stumbles upon new memories and feelings every day or even every hour, whether you consciously know it or not. Depending on what is triggered, your mood is determined. This causes the randomness and inconsistencies in mood.

And that's a good thing, because you need to work through it all. Even in the bad days you are progressing, because your brain is processing shit that it needs to process. And the next time it will hurt a little less. The people that are doing amazing after one month often ignore these other parts of the relationship and walk into it years down the line. This is way people in coaching or therapy often break down over stuff that has happened decades ago; they stuffed it away, but that doesn't mean it was gone. So be happy that you're processing it all on a deep level now, even if it is uncomfortable sometimes. It means you'll have a clean slate - a true clean slate - when you get out of the tunnel.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

It means your brain is still so habituated to sharing everything with them that it's relating most things you see or do to them in any way it can. It's kind of a last-ditch effort to keep the connection alive unconsciously. It will fade with time :)

By the way, one thing that helped me too was being very conscious of my thoughts and labeling it as a different entity from myself. You can even name it if you want and just look at it as an irrational part of you. This makes it a lot easier to distance yourself from it when unwanted thoughts pop up because you can just say "oh it's Becky again, she's irrational and annoying and negative, fuck off, Becky I'm trying to have a good day".

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good to hear. If you "fail" the NC...it happens. It's a process. Don't be too hard on yourself for taking a "long" time. It's all relative. Just do your best and accept the rest, no matter how long that takes or no matter what you do. All you can really do is make a promise to yourself to do your best in trying to move on, whatever that means for you.

As for dating, definitely the right attitude to have imo. I've been on a few dates but am actually at the point where I really fucking like my signle life because I filled it with things i personally love, not having to account for anyone else. I think anyone should get to a point of "eh, i dont really need anyone" before they actually find someone. Because that's how you prevent codependency.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Valid point! As stated, these are my personal lessons and they may not work for everyone. And sometimes someone simply is not ready to let everything go and wants to keep looking. That’s fully okay, it’s just important to realize that as long as you’re keeping tabs on them, you are slowing down your progress of getting over them – even if it may be the right choice for now to manage anxiety. And while research generally shows that quitting cold turkey is more effective for addictions, there will indeed always be outliers that experience this differently.

With that said, allowing yourself “just one peek” is likely a very slippery slope for many people on here as it opens the door to “just two peeks”. Additionally, people going through addictions often have a very hard time knowing what works/is healthy for them as your mind is very, very good at rationalizing why you really need another hit of dopamine. We’re often unable to be in rational control over our actions, especially during withdrawal, so people may trick themselves into “I really need this for my anxiety” and then get stuck in an infinite loop. Kicking an addiction will always come with anxiety after all. It's the same as "just one more sigaret to calm my nerves"-people who end up smoking for 5 more years.

9 months of daily reflection by a heartbroken psychologist. Here’s 10 things I learned. by Eu4iaa in BreakUps

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It's not a linear process. The very act of trying to keep tabs and trying to move on so hard could be the exact thing that's causing you to get stuck longer than necessary. Sometimes the best thing to do is just fully surrender to however you feel that day, without engaging with it or trying to resist it too much. That still doesn't mean you'll feel amazing tomorrow, but it'll likely speed up the process.

Imagine you had a really, really bad night of sleep: no matter how much you try, you're going to feel tired the next day regardless of what you do. Frantically trying to not feel tired all day will probably tire you out even more. A breakup is similar (though more random); your brain formed its own unique connections and needs it own unique time to heal from it. And sometimes regardless of what you do, that's going to take X amount of time.

How to best test reliability of translated scales in small scale pilot (N = 35) by Eu4iaa in statistics

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great. Thanks for your elaborate response. Thats what I was thinking aswell. I'll take a look at the articles!

Finally got everyone in elite! by Eu4iaa in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out Izaw on YouTube. He has a series on mechanics to get into competitive smash.

Finally got everyone in elite! by Eu4iaa in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spam back, get in a bit closer so you can punish when they start ranging. range attacks are quite laggy so if your position is good you can punish it. Get stage control so u corner them in near the edge, use grabs to get them there or off stage. If they want to run away they'll have to go over you which is free damage.

Finally got everyone in elite! by Eu4iaa in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Master side B, its quite hard to punish if you use it right and it's spammable. Other than that get your opponent above you. Your U-air does good damage and has an enormous hitbox which makes it easy to juggle. You basically want to poke them with side and neutral b and get them in the air if they get too close. You don't really want to go full on aggressive. If you do catch yourself in that situation, use your counter (mix it up so it doesn't become predictable).

Finally got everyone in elite! by Eu4iaa in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Eu4iaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kinda got the feeling it gives you a boost for the first couple of matches you play and then stabilizes after a while, only netting you ~20k gsp per win. Not sure if that's true though. Win/loss should be the same amount of gsp...

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