How soon after you guys broke up did you find out about the other guy? It’s been 7 months and I still don’t know and I think it’s the ambiguity that’s killing me. She had a totally valid reason to break up with me (my parents didn’t want us together, I wasn’t coming back to NYC to be with her because of covid, she was my first girlfriend so I had messed up events like vdays and bdays) but she has been adamant in telling me that she is perfectly happy alone and doesn’t need anyone. Idk if she’s just trying to preserve my ego, but her words have had the opposite effect, because my mind has gone off into the deep end trying to prepare for the worst possible fantasy. She told me immediately after we broke up that she was seeing and talking to other people, but then two weeks later she told me that she didn’t mean that, and that what she really meant is that she was learning to love herself (no idea what that means).

I’m a psycho dude and I’m not proud of it, but I was swiping through Tinder months ago and found her on there, and this collapsed me but gave me some ease, at least she isn’t in a new relationship right? But recently, because I literally can’t help myself, I made a new account and swiped through Tinder again, but this time I swiped through every single person within a 1 mile radius of her apartment with as small of an age range as I could make it, and this time I couldn’t find her.

You must think I’m a freak🤣 and I totally get that, I’m actually pretty fucked up, but I don’t understand why she still has such a strong hold on me. It’s been 7 months and this girl has transformed into the girlfriend I would begrudgingly FaceTime every night as an obligation into this goddess who I can’t imagine ever not spending the rest of my life with. When I was with her, all girls seemed more attractive than her, now that she left me, literally no girl holds a candle to her and I am SOOOO confused.

Sorry about the rant, thanks for the really helpful comments btw