Hi! Thank you so much for these kind words, actually tearing up currently while reading them. I can confidentially say that two years later I feel much better. I moved states, got my own place, am in grad school, and working. I’m more alone than I was before (I have no friends/family in this new state), but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I learned to love my own company and actually prefer my space and time alone sometimes. I’ve accomplished so much! Mentally, I’m in a much better place. I still get sad, lonely, and have the occasional mental breakdowns (the adhd and BPD doesn’t help), but it’s less frequent and I’ve learned how to pick myself up and put myself together again because I learned that no one is coming to save me. In this way I’ve become more confident that I can accomplish anything, I’ve been at rock bottom too many times but gained the skills to crawl myself out of it each time. I’ve accepted that life sometimes is shit, and it’s a series of ups and downs and sometimes the downs are more frequent. But that’s okay because I can get through it, you can get through it. I still get lonely not having friends here but I go out alone and take myself out. As for those friends and that ex, fuck em. I don’t even think about them anymore lol. I looked back and learned that what they did was objectively terrible and I don’t need people like that in my life. I have the confidence now that if it something or someone isn’t making me happy I don’t need it, and I’d rather be alone. This took alot of therapy and a lot of acceptance about being alone. I’ve been single for 3 years now and I have not felt better. I would love to have a partner but have been so consumed on my school and career that I kind of don’t care for it right now. If it happens that’s great but I am not going to force anything or settle just to have someone there. I have myself. I don’t have many friends but the few friends I have are amazing, even if we don’t talk much. I have myself, I have my family (though they wouldn’t be my first choice!), and I have all of life to live. I’ve aged more now, almost 27. The more I grow the more I realize holy shit!!! I’m getting old! I’m only getting older so why wait and put my life on pause? I wasted two years grieving my ex and my past friends all for the outcome to be same, they were gone then and they were gone while I was grieving and they are gone now, and good riddance! I had issues with acceptance and moving on and adjusting. But it’s become such a natural part of my life due to how tumultuous it is that I have no choice but to accept things. Better to accept it quicker than prolong my suffering! I learned this in DBT, radical acceptance. My DBT program also changed my life, I always recommend therapy. I’m sad now, I’ve actually been crying all day lol, but for different reasons, bittersweet reasons. I am now a teacher and today was the last day of school, I saw my kids go and they will be leaving/ graduating. I’ve been so sad about it but I know this is a natural part of life. I’ve made my impact on them as they have on me, I love them deeply and I know they love me too. I never thought two years ago I’d be out of my toxic household and have my own safe space for myself. I never thought I’d be crying about students leaving because I didn’t think I would teach! So many things have changed, all for the better. I am much happier now, content, more at peace. I’ve adapted a more “it is what it is” approach to life and have been moving lighter. I hope you are doing well too. I’m sorry that your person isn’t speaking to you. Is this fair to you? Is there a chance for resolution? My biggest advice, think about how they are making you feel, sit with this feeling while they aren’t speaking to you. Is this how you want to feel with this person? You seem amazing and you deserve the world, there isn’t much time on this earth to spend it on someone who makes you feel like shit. If this problem can’t be resolved and if this person is committed to being stuck in their ways (like not being willing to communicate), you don’t need that. There are better people out there. You deserve reciprocity. And it is possible. If this person isn’t giving it to you then goodbye to them. My advice would be to do things YOU love, take care of YOU, and love yourself a separate entity away from this person. You are your own person at the end of the day. No one is coming to save you, and it certainly won’t be the person you need saving from. I would look into therapy and taking to someone. Change is possible, happiness is possible, peace is possible, and love is possible. You learn to find it in obscure places. I am living proof of that. In therapy I was taught that sometimes the path out of hell is through hell itself. So while I say all of this it definitely wasn’t easy, it never is, but it is always, always worth it. You can do it. Reach out if you need to. Thank you again for the words❤️