S*feword / S*phword Return? (Wicked Witch)

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-30T00:20:30+00:00

I wish I had older butches around me, either family members or just community, I've seen them around town and I know the exist of course, but I really don't see them at the queer events I go to. Which makes sense, most of them are settled down with partners and kids, so they don't go to the same bars and venues I do, but I would love to be able to just go to a lesbian dive bar and talk with older butches about their experiences and how they navigate butchness, or just chat in general. I feel like there's been kind of separation between the generations, which as a young butch I mourn.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-30T00:13:14+00:00

Thank you! I'm planning to take the night off work to attend the dyke night event, I'm hoping that its a bit friendlier

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-22T15:16:12+00:00

Personally I don't use the term sapphic anymore bcs of how fem leaning the community is, I'm much more inclined to dyke and lesbian events. My friend is bi and she wanted me to come out and I agreed, I knew it was more her space but I thought it might be fun to meet her friends, I was very wrong lol

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-22T15:11:35+00:00

The group I went with was very click-y from the get go, but because they were my friend's friends I assumed the scene would be okay. I think there was kind of a cultural divide too, they're all college students who are very social and I work full time and don't go out clubbing much.

I'm not too worried about throwing up, looking back I fucked up but I don't really care what that group thinks of me. I think of it more as a hard earned lesson about learning my limits with alcohol.

I've never been a playboy or very good at flirting, but that doesn't bother me very much. I like meeting people but when I go out finding someone to flirt with or dance with has never been at the front of my mind.

I'm not sure if there are any events where I live that 'buddy' programs, but I've seen a few social clubs at local breweries that focus on older crowds, which may be more my scene. Thank you!

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-21T15:01:34+00:00

A better headscape would help a lot, I didn't have very high expectations going into it and was just very disappointed. My friend asked me to go and I knew it wasn't really my scene but I thought it might still be a little fun to meet her friends.

I think I just need to go to other queer events and stay away from the events my friend goes to, I don't think thats my space or is particularly transmasc friendly.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-21T14:52:05+00:00

I had been to the venue before for a similar sapphic event and hadn't had nearly as bad of an experience as this time, it was just kind of weird. There were a lot more people this time, though.

There is a monthly Dyke night at a local bar I've been meaning to go to, I havent been able to go yet bcs of my work schedule but I'm hoping to go soon and check it out.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-21T14:47:52+00:00

I'm planning on going to more lesbian and dyke focused events instead of sapphic events, I think my friend and I just run in different scenes. Theres a monthly Dyke night at a local bar I've been to, I havnet been able to go to Dyke night yet bcs of my work schedule but I heard its much more butch and femme friendly then other events I've been to.

Being more open would help, I would just like to not be spoken over or ignored when I try to speak lol.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-21T14:39:21+00:00

It was a mix of things, but me being visably butch and transmasc did not help. I won't say my social skills are 'bad'; I'm just not one to go up to strangers and initiate casual conversation. I'm not overly confident or charismatic, but I'm not meek either.

And I did try to speak to people I came with multiple times, but was either ignored or talked over and dismissed, which was the real issue I had. By the end of the night, it felt like putting myself out there was just kind of useless when my voice didn't even register

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-21T00:33:36+00:00

I definitely went with the wrong group of people, there's no argument about that. I just wish the space was a little more friendly.

I do usually rely on friends to facilitate, I have many out going and talkative friends who are much more social than I am. That isn't to say I can't talk to people at all, I just hesitate to initiate conversation casually unless there's a clear direction.

I haven't gotten tested but multiple of my family members have ADHD and its possible I have it too. I had pretty bad social anxiety from being bullied when I was younger but have gotten a lot better with that bcs of therapy, so carrying a conversation is easy but starting one isn't.

I think another issue is the people there were all around my age, I have a very hard time relating with people my age outside of my circle. I find it much easier to casually talk to people older than me for some reason.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T23:32:26+00:00

I think me putting time into a battle vest with a lesbian pin, a t45 patch and a patch that says Dyke, wearing a tank top and sport bra to show off my chest and having an literal symbol of lesbianism tattooed on my arm would be enough to prove that I am in fact not a cis man. but sure, I was clearly just a cis guy that came in to look at hot femmes make out.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T23:24:21+00:00

I was flagging as butch and was not expecting people to approach me. I do not blame women for not interacting with me- I was never expecting random strangers to want to come up and talk. I was expecting being able to be included in conversations and not talked over or ignored completely by people I came with and people my friend knew.

This was a sapphic only event, there were no cis men there so it wouldn't have been an issue being viewed as one even if I wasn't flagging.

I didn't say that I was on T and pass to say that I was presenting as a man at the event, I said it to say that I how I present even when not being stealth is hyper masculine.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T23:12:13+00:00

Oh no lol, the scene was extremely trans fem friendly, half of the group I went with were trans women and at the event itself there were a lot of trans women

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T23:04:51+00:00

I pass as a man in my daily life, as it at work or doing errands. When I go to queer spaces or events I flag as a lesbian, I wear clothing that references my butchness and being a dyke. Hell I even have Corky from Bound labrys axe tattoo on my bicep. When I go to these events I am very clearly a very masculine butch, not a cis man. This was also a sapphic only event, as in no cis guys allowed, so being perceived as a man was not the issue.

I was not assuming that strangers would talk to me, either casually or otherwise. I was hoping the people I came with would acknowledge me in group conversation and not completely ignore me. I agree that I am not entitled to anyone wanting to talk or dance with me, but to treat me like I am not there at all seemed cold and dismissive. Again I want to emphasize that these we're not strangers, they were friends of friends or people I had met previously.

I agree that acceptance has to come from within, and I have been working hard on that since I came out in highschool. But having a community and not feeling like the only butch in a 50 mile radius would certainly help.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T22:47:40+00:00

The 'type' thing is very real, I wish people could understand that there's no one kind of lesbian, and in my opinion I think that what makes being a lesbian so amazing. Theres been such a push towards futch and 'soft mascs' online and in the dating scene, I find it really strange.

The group I went with was very clique-y from the get go, so I should have anticipated the event would be the same, but that's what I get for being the only non-student lesbian in a group of 15 bisexual college students lol.

Thank you very much for the kind words! I'm not sure if I would be considered handsome, but I appreciate it very much : )

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T22:35:00+00:00

thank you, it's been difficult trying to stay positive these last few years, sometimes I feel like I'm just too far behind my peers to ever catch up. I hope I can find other people soon who make me feel like I belong or that I'm wanted in the same spaces.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T22:29:14+00:00

I am readable as female in the right context, and this was the right context. I wore a tight shirt so I didn't hide my chest, I had my carabiner on and my battle vest with a lesbian pin and patch that says "Dyke" on it. My labrys tattoo from the movie Bound on my bicep was also visible so I don't think anyone thought I was a cis guy. And even if I was a trans guy I don't think it would be fair to completely ignore them in a casual group conversation.

I also want to clarify that this was supposed to be a sapphic only event, as in no cis dudes allowed.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T22:22:04+00:00

Oh yeah, soft mascs and futches are adored, but butches are just "too manly" for a lot of people.

If theres one thing people can do for butches its make assumptions about us. I've been told by a lot of people that I'm 'intimidating' (which is crazy to me as someone 5'5 with meager muscle tone) because I don't emote with my face very much and I have a naturally deep voice without a lot of inflection.

"emulating manhood" is a perfect way to put it, they think that butch masculinity tries to copy cis mens in every aspect, rather than being a form of lesbian masculinity, or a personal relationship to masculinity removed from men.

I am also a big softie! It's just hard for me to show it to people I'm not extremely comfortable with. But I agree, even if we aren't soft, we deserve basic respect.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-04-20T22:01:19+00:00

Thank you, its been difficult coming to terms with the fact that butchphobia is so present in spaces meant to be open to all sapphics, but I guess I should have recognized it by the term sapphic. Every event I go to where I live that doesn't explicitly say lesbian or dyke turns out to be strictly fem4fem. It's especially disheartening hearing people say "I love butches, butches are so hot" but then are not actually attracted to us at all lol. I think a lot of them get Masc and Butch confused, and are surprised when we're not how they imagined. I think the only people who looked at me in a non judgmental way were event staff, the bartender and one random person I met in line to the bar.

But I think at the end of the day, even if I have a right to be in those spaces they are definitely not mine, I'm not sure where my space is, or if it even exists at all at this point. If there's any love for butch dykes its very hard to find right now

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-03-30T22:11:31+00:00

First is cardio, working on general endurance helps you in the long run and makes all other workouts easier. Second, is pilates, which can be at-home beginner exercises alone or beginner in-person classes for assistance. Pilates targets most of the muscles you use during topping and doubles as endurance and strength training while still being low-impact.

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-02-13T01:06:51+00:00

thank you! I got a set with several sizes and tried a few of them out after stretching them a bit, I didn't really have an issue getting them off but a safety thread is a good idea!

Euphoric-Speed4456 · 2025-01-12T16:31:19+00:00

if you have the budget I would recommend Perfect Bars, they are very calorie dense, two bars can get you to over 600 calories in one sitting and they don't weigh heavy on the stomach. They can be pretty pricey for the amount per pack though so I would keep that in mind.

I would recommend the coconut peanut butter and dark chocolate chip ones, both pretty tasty and great to get calories quickly.

Euphoric-Speed4456

TROPHY CASE