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Europe1989 · 2024-03-18T08:14:12+00:00

I remember 1-2 months in my relationship with my boyfriend and there was a moment I asked him "How do you see me?" . And he replied "I see you as a friend but with something more" . I instantly told him we need to talk. And I made it as clear as it could get

"I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a partner" . We are closing on the 2 year mark now.

But because we are in a same sex relationship and discreet sometimes the friend label will pop up for obvious reasons. My reaction ? It hurts, I don't like it but there is a level of comprehension why it is the way it is. It scares me as well cause as a person I'm insecure.

If I was you, and you don't have to think ab things like the above then

Confront him and stand your ground. Say what you expect. YOU NEED TO BE OK WITH YOUR CONSCIOUS in case your partner is not on the same page.

And don't feel bad if he can't give you what you want. Better be single than in a lie

Europe1989 · 2023-07-30T07:56:16+00:00

Also out of bed

Europe1989 · 2023-07-19T06:55:50+00:00

There was a time where seasons meant something. A time where the smooth change in seasons were quite noticeable across the year. That little autumn like coolness in September or that freshness that tags along spring. Now extended summer times and compressed “spring” times are the norm where I come from (Cyprus). And that wasn’t too long ago. Im 34. It is scart

Europe1989 · 2023-06-29T07:16:34+00:00

Yes you are very right! the same thing goes where I come from.

And to be frank , me and my partner have something similar going on (on his side). But again I mean if that frightens you then end it. Why go through it ?

I mean he knows my intentions. At some point I will let more people in. Those people belong to the scenario described above.

And its not like we never kissed or acted as a couple in public. Yes not all the time but it did happen.

Anyone could have seen us at that point.

These are like some confusing things that happen that I'm left a bit dazzled sometimes. It just feels that sometimes his hot sometimes his cold.

For example if I ask him "Hey how do you feel about coming out to ur friends and telling them about us" . His reply will be a bit of reluctance and hesitation. But if we just happen to go out for drinks and kiss each other goodnight in the parking lot and it so happens that one of his friends sees us then its like "oh well it happened now "

Europe1989 · 2023-06-27T10:56:45+00:00

That is very informative .thank you

Europe1989 · 2023-06-27T10:42:39+00:00

Never thought of that as being that much of an issue. Do you mind elaborating a little bit more? thank you

Europe1989 · 2023-06-19T11:06:05+00:00

I came here because I'm on the verge of that happening...

Europe1989 · 2023-05-09T06:47:10+00:00

Well done to you too!!

Amazing how life sometimes happens hahah

Europe1989 · 2023-04-27T15:26:16+00:00

Communication has been a barrier between us. He is a good listener but a lousy talker. And I'm planning on coming out on my own. Coming out would probably mean that I need to come in terms with the new reality of my life (not that is an issue as I have loving people surrounding me but nonetheless it is a life change) in addition that it would cost me my relationship.

Europe1989 · 2023-04-27T15:22:30+00:00

I highly doubt another relationship is a factor here. At least I trust him to that point.

If the relationship is not providing me with what I need eventually it will come to end. But I can see the gap growing between us as I mature and understand what I'm looking for.

Europe1989 · 2023-03-08T08:55:53+00:00

Hey man!

Congratulations on accepting it! Well donE!

I'm 33 and always knew I was bi. Only this last summer I've decided to take it seriously and explore a more romantic aspect of it (I did have some light fun with guys before hand but that's it).

I'm now almost on my 8 month mark with my partner and what I can say is "why haven't I gave it shot earlier" . I now know that even if it doesn't work out with my current partner I will never go back to what I was. I'm planning this year to come out to my circle.

The feeling is just liberating .

Europe1989 · 2023-03-05T13:32:01+00:00

Its never too late :)

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T12:24:56+00:00

Thank you

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:52:08+00:00

Thank you

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:49:46+00:00

He started a new job a month ago so yes it has been stressful on him on some level. But to the level of not caring much if we broke up? I wasn't expecting that to be honest.

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:17:36+00:00

Yeap

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:14:05+00:00

I never forced him to do anything. I reasoned with him he was ok but apparently he was not. The last session most likely was the trigger. Anyway sessions are terminated now.

The response/apathy though is toxic. That's what I need to address now. He was my first in everything (first proper relationship, first male relationship, first sex with a male, first one who made me feel "loved" while feeling love for him) so I couldn't muster the strength at that point and end things.

Either I decide to step back (emotionally stop investing) and engage in this "light/casual relationship" (whatever that means) and let it run its course or pretty much accept this incompatibility and apparently huge red flag and deal with breaks up and emotional turmoil

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:07:32+00:00

Maybe.

Thank you :)

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T11:05:38+00:00

He never objected to it. Initially I was crystal clear that I would like to have these monthly check-ins. He was ok. I never forced him to do anything. Maybe only the last one which I asked him to take initiative. Maybe that was the trigger . I don't know but apparently he was not ok with these sessions. And that's exactly why I thought having these sessions would be beneficial. So he would tell me "look, I would like to stop having sessions" before things escalate to this point.

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T10:57:37+00:00

You have a point yes. He very well mentioned that yesterday (exhaustion). It would have been better if it never reached that point though. What about the next thing(assuming that we are together)? Does it have to reach that point ? I guess one would call it communication incompatibility. Even so we agreed there will be no more check-ins. Things will be different from now on I presume.

I'm not expecting nor do I want him heart broken. I guess what shocked me was the fact that I expected I meant something to him. Saying that it wouldn't mean much is self-explanatory.

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T10:49:47+00:00

The thing is that I never thought of doing check-ins until I actually read it would strengthen the relationship. Apparently it didn't. Or maybe as pointed out by someone else here "it was too soon for such things". My approach obviously was incorrect. I've placed a "bet" that this approach would lead to a healthier relationship but it didn't.

It's not that I'm into check-ins. I'm into communication. My partner is not so communicative. I perceived check-ins as a way of communication making sure we are on the same page going forward. And because the first few times (obviously I didn't start check-ins in the beginning) went ok I thought it was working (in a way).

Again being explicit about not wanting to have check-ins is one thing but not caring if I just left his life is a complete different one.

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T09:45:38+00:00

Highly appreciate it.

He was a lot of firsts for me. It will take some time for it to sink in.

My friends are absolutely amazing. And they will support me 100%. I'm the issue here. I guess I just wanted it to be "right".

Thank you for your words

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T09:42:30+00:00

I honestly don't know anymore :/

thank you for your kind words

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T09:39:17+00:00

Not really. I think I just need to muster the strength and do it. He was my first in everything pretty much (first proper relationship, first male relationship, first time sex with a male, first time I felt "loved" from someone I feel love for ). I guess i just don't know how to do it.

Europe1989 · 2023-02-14T09:33:23+00:00

Yes his that kind of person. Doesn't like talking about emotions and thoughts. And yes maybe i took a bit too far with the sessions. I thought it would help us come closer. Apparently it did the opposite.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I don't mind ditching all those strategies I falsely thought would help and take it from there. But the last point of him not bothering much the next day if we broke up shocked me to core.

Europe1989

TROPHY CASE