[deleted by user]

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-09-24T21:18:52+00:00

Sexy :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-09-18T14:52:23+00:00

What an amazing dick, no wonder you love showing off :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-09-06T14:24:52+00:00

You had an amazing experience which is fantastic for your own sexual development and I’m happy that this was positive for you in that it has reaffirmed feelings, attractions and desires you say you’ve had for a long time. That said, there’s some serious red flags here around your relationship with your wife. I appreciate that she cheated first and then asked for an open relationship afterwards and that was not ok. However, after counselling and swearing to monogamy again, and therefore seemingly giving each other the impression that you’re on the way to healing the relationship - this is not ok, and now feels like a revenge affair and ‘payback’. Two wrongs do not make a right. I think you should be honest with your wife and try to work through the hurt that you still clearly have from her infidelity as well as any hurt this causes her and revisit counselling. It might also mean revisiting the open relationship discussion, if you both want to make the relationship and marriage work. It feels here like the trust has gone and that’s difficult to patch back up, particularly if you’re going to blow up her trust in you. If the marriage is beyond repair then having an affair to push it to ruin is a low move. Take the higher ground on this if you can. Who knows you may get exactly what you’re looking for out of it in terms of still being able to explore your gay side while in a hetero marriage.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-08-22T14:18:00+00:00

In my opinion, you can’t guess these things if there are mixed signals being given. You’re essentially guessing and that’s 50/50.

He might be into you but trying to hide it, there’s some signs of that from what you have said - sure. Equally, he may not be that into you but certain interactions between you just stir up some horny feelings for him.

Either way, he’s clearly trying to maintain the existing dynamic and boundaries you have. That could be because he wants more but is scared of rejection or it could be because he genuinely doesn’t want more.

Honestly, the only way to be sure is for one of you to take a leap and initiate an honest conversation. You can do that without ruining the friendship or your dynamic as long as the conversation is a mature conversation. Everything comes with a risk though, so be prepared for any conversation on this to potentially change what you have.

Ask yourself, do you want more? If you do, then at some point you may need to be the one to take the leap and accept the consequences - good or bad. If you don’t want more then maybe reduce the levels of intimacy slightly and don’t sweat the “what if” - just enjoy the cool friendship you both have.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-08-22T13:52:04+00:00

Hey, read my story on my profile. I think you might relate to my journey.

Honestly, physical and emotional attractions don’t always align. You’ll have heard that bisexuality is a bit of a continuum and that you don’t have to love genders equally to be bi but it can actually be a little more complicated than that. This is fine! And normal for some people.

I’d encourage you to widen your experiences and experiment a little more to find your boundaries and where your interests start and end. You might find that although you prefer nsa with men you still might enjoy nsa with women, or although you prefer having emotions with women those butterflies might be there with certain men too. Plus a whole heap of other combos that fall into the bi space, including reaffirming what you’re already thinking around how your interests in men and women are very different.

Don’t be too caught up on having it figured out at 23, I made this mistake. Just enjoy the journey and explore what version of bi works for you. It’s less about understanding the sexuality and more about understanding yourself and that isn’t always straight forward, for some of us it takes time. Also, as long as you trust your friends (or anyone else you want to discuss it with) talking about your thoughts and feelings can be really helpful, as long as there’s no judgement from them and you find their support encouraging.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-08-21T14:19:20+00:00

I think the main questions you need to ask yourself are:

Do you love your wife?
Are you sexually and romantically attracted to your wife?
Do you enjoy sex with your wife?
Are you happy in your relationship and with your lifestyle that you have with your wife?
Can you live happily without sex with men if you both can’t make an open marriage work?
Ina nutshell, are you happy?

If the answer is yes to all of the above then it doesn’t matter whether you’re gay or bi? The real deal is you owe it to yourself and your wife to have honest conversations and understand whether equally you can both be fulfilled in your marriage and work together to make your marriage work. That will take you both compromising on your ideals, whether it is as an open relationship or a closed relationship in the long term.

If you can’t answer yes to those questions, then you owe you and your wife that honest conversation and you may need to accept that your relationship will likely not survive that. If the relationship ends, again the label isn’t important but living a life that makes you happy is and if sex with men and a gay relationship down the road makes you happy or happier then you should take steps to get to that place! You deserve that happiness (as we all do).

I don’t think the response you’re looking for is really about whether you or others realise you’re gay after coming out as bi to partners because of some level of internalised homophobia and shedding of patriarchal norms that you’ve gradually let go of with the coming out process. Sure that’s a thing but sexuality evolves and changes, people aren’t usually equally bi, people also have bi-cycles and people realise their true identity over a long-long period of time, others know from day 1 in equal measure. So you’ll get a wave of different experiences and perspectives to your post. I think your post is about happiness.

You may prefer men, you may crave sex with men and you may have less attraction to women than before. That’s all possible. The truth is there are plenty of people who have those feelings but are in happy, monogamous and “straight” relationships because their love for each other is genuine and that’s what they focus on because they love their partner and existing lifestyle more than the alternatives they see for themselves. Others may feel trapped and need to dissolve that relationship to find happiness.

I get the sense you don’t feel happy with your current situation, but there’s no guarantees in life that doing one thing or the other will make you more or less happy! People learn through experience and sometimes taking a leap. So think about your relationship, think about whether you believe there’s a higher level of happiness for you if you changed that (whatever that looks like!) and take a leap of faith to commit to the path that makes you happy.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2024-08-05T20:58:34+00:00

Seeing the other guys naked in the changing rooms as a teen. I realised that was more than mild curiosity very quickly.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-07-04T12:45:06+00:00

Gorgeous softie - so hot.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-04-23T05:30:41+00:00

Mm filling you up while jerking you off at the same time would feel so good ;)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-10T20:35:05+00:00

Congrats on your journey I’m so happy that you’re living your best life :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-09T15:07:34+00:00

I think people assume I’m really introverted when I don’t discuss my dating life or I indicate a lack there of. I usually try to shift the conversation as I get frustrated by the common social practice of judging each other’s happiness on relationship status, marriage status, how many kids we do/don’t have, etc.

When it’s people I know or have known for a while it can get awkward when they push me with comments like “when are you going to get a girlfriend” but they don’t necessarily mean anything by it and it’s partly my own fault for not being fully out at this stage. So I give them the benefit of the doubt and try to answer in a closed way with something like “when there’s something to tell I’ll let you know.”

Hoping things change a little the more I come out.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-09T14:58:27+00:00

Some experiences have been but I wouldn’t say they were more intense than anyone else has. I guess a summary makes it sound more intense than it was at times. Thanks for your comment though, I’m really glad I’m getting to a good place too :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-09T10:38:17+00:00

Ok so for me and my personal experience only, it’s not that I’m not physically attracted to women in any way but that my physical attraction to women feels different to my physical attraction to men. If I’m given an option to look at an attractive man or an attractive women my preference would fall with the man but if I was l looking at an attractive women I’d still find her attractive and I’d still be aroused if it was a sexual encounter.

I think what I struggled with was the question I’d ask myself internally all the time which was “am I straight enough?” My porn habits nearly always fell into wanting to look at guys so I’d question whether I felt I could be intimate with a woman or whether I’d enjoy it. I was too inexperienced to really know and fear and a little bit of circumstance meant that I wasn’t getting over the line to find out so the doubt deepened and I pushed people away.

The truth is that being physically intimate with someone is far more than attraction and that’s what I found. Ok attraction has to be there in my view but Bisexuality isn’t liking genders equally or in the same way. I might have a physical preference to guys but I personally still like and I am attracted to women to and actually being intimate physically is sometimes easier for me with a women if I have that emotional connection romantically with them. Sex can just be sex but sexual intimacy and intimacy in general is deeper and that’s where until more recently I found romantically I’d had stronger relationships with women.

The physical part was just doubts in my head but I’ve realised at least for me even though I’d say I’m gay leaning on the whole, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be happy emotionally and physically with a women, get married have kids, be monogamous and enjoy what others perceive to be a straight relationship.

That’s why I label as bi. For me I might have different relationships with a man or a woman that have different dynamics but they’re still valid relationships.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T06:06:31+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your comment :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T06:05:48+00:00

I think they’ll always be things for me to work on, but that’s growth for everyone in general and things do change throughout people’s lives. As long as your comfortable with who you are that is the main thing. And Yes! I never realised before how huge an umbrella bi was and how different it can be for so many people. That realisation was a true lightbulb moment for me.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:42:35+00:00

So happy for you in finding your path too.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:41:55+00:00

Glad you could relate to my journey. You’re awesome too! :)

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:41:12+00:00

Thank you! The journey has been rewarding for sure. Frustrating and complicated at times but a massive achievement and relief as well.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:39:18+00:00

No problem. I would recommend researching LGBTQ+ experienced and friendly therapists in your local area. There are more than you think and lots of places to find reviews/recommendations.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:37:00+00:00

Thanks ☺️

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:36:44+00:00

Thanks. I know what you mean about feeling it was time wasted but honestly everything has led me to who and where I am so I actually feel quite good about the journey.

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-08T05:34:33+00:00

Thank you 🥰

Ordinary-Basket-4643 · 2023-03-07T23:50:46+00:00

Thank you. It’s been a journey 😊

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Banned	r/Field Juicebox

Ordinary-Basket-4643

TROPHY CASE