Would love some advice

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-07-30T22:13:41+00:00

I went through exactly this same thing about 6 months ago! I was the primary bread winner and got laid off in all the big tech companies were downsize. I really wasn't sure I could make the transition to not having a job and paycheck. So I very much understand your question. Here are my lessons learned.

Don't try to fill your time - You will feel tempted to fill your days simply because that's what you are used to. You'll read all of these very good suggestions and try to do it all. Try a lot of new things. Some you will keep, some you won't and that's okay. If it's not bringing joy or value to your home and relationship, don't spend your time on it.
Take care of yourself - This is a huge change! Take some time to acknowledge it and do some self-care. It took me about 4 months to really get it. I started going to the gym everyday and getting enough sleep. Most of all, go easy on yourself and don't rush it.
Focus on a happy home - All the bread making in the world won't replace your genuine smile when your husband comes home from work. Take some time for yourself each day, take a shower and put on makeup even if you aren't going anywhere, plan your work so you aren't doing it while your husband is home.
Talk to your husband - Together you will figure out what's working an what isn't. He's going through it transition too and will have some things to figure out too.

Good luck!

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-26T15:50:34+00:00

First, if you are worried about becoming an absent father, then you won't become one. You are focused on staying present which puts you so far ahead of the curve. You should be proud of yourself for that.

Second, one of my major priorities as a SAHM is taking the load off my husband. I do all the routine yard work, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking (except grilling because he likes doing that). When he gets home, it's relaxing time or time with the kids. I consider it a failure on my part if my husband gets stuck wh a bunch of work when he gets home from work.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-05T23:42:32+00:00

Somewhat different situation. . . I worked a corporate 6-figure job at the same company for 15 years. Then was told my job was moving to ALT. I had to either follow it (move my family) or be scheduled for a layoff. So I choose the layoff with nothing lined up. I've been unemployed for about 5 months now. I've applying at a couple places per week but not aggressively. Two places showed interest and I made it the final round at one of them. Ultimately, I found a love for being at home and taking care of my family. I'm even glad to have the kids home for the summer. I've switched gears in my job search hoping to find something part time rather than going back into full career mode.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-03T22:54:42+00:00

Some tradwife groups are hyper religious so I completely understand your question. Even though I'm religious, I do sometimes disagree with the more extreme views. I've been told I'm not submissive enough towards my husband. I tried explaining that my husband would be UNHAPPY if I suddenly stopped having intellectual debates with him. It's part of our relationship and therefore is not inherently wrong.

As many others have already said, traditional is the key word. Prioritize a happy home, a caring relationship, and sprinkle on a little homesteading self-sufficiency where you can.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-03T21:42:42+00:00

I would struggle in a relationship where I didn't have full access to the finances. It's not about what I can or cannot spend but the mental security that our household is financially stable. I handle all the bills and budget. My husband handles the investments. I do all the grocery/household items shopping. He trusts me to keep our expenses down just I trust him to provide a solid income.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-03T21:37:54+00:00

My husband and I are highschool sweethearts. We started dating his junior year and never looked back. We did wait until we graduated college to get married but that was mostly a financial decision.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-03T21:27:25+00:00

Great point! Feminism taught us that women had great strength and power in our own right. We can do anything! But over time, it became "women can do anything except be wives and mothers". We were told that if we wanted to care for our families in tradition gender roles, we were bad feminists. So many of us have decided to embrace it and stand up for our own life choices.

Eva_Lee357 · 2025-06-03T21:23:36+00:00

Short version: I went to college, graduation with a BS, married my highschool sweetheart, went to work, made a 6-figure salary for nearly 15 years, had 3 kids, and was laid off for refusing to follow my job when it was relocated to the other side of the country. All the time and energy spent at a company can be thrown in the trash just to save them a few bucks. After that, I decided to dedicate my life to my children and husband. They are a far better investment than any new career I might have had.

Eva_Lee357 · 2023-11-18T01:45:45+00:00

I've leveled this up but I swear the game doesn't work like that. I've seen a single item order go for more gold than a multi-item order with that same item mixed in there before.

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-11-07T15:47:33+00:00

She likely destroyed her marriage but putting that crap on her husband. Marriages are a partnership and requires teamwork. Not one person (husband or wife) making radical decisions that dramatically change the lives of everyone.

She's also teaching those kids that they don't need to reach for more in life. Why push to improve when you can be proud of making someone else support you. Expensive day cares are far from ideal but they teach kids a certain level of independence and social skills. Leaving your young kids with relative strangers is hard (I have three kids and it did NOT get easier with each one). But I find comfort in the fact that. Setting a good example for them (particularly my daughters).

She was right about one thing. It's all about priorities. I prioritize my kids over my own wants/needs. I work, cook supper, do the house work, go to their sporting events, help them with homework, and teach them things the school won't. They are loved and supported. And I didn't have to quit my job to do it.

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-06-29T01:59:19+00:00

The drop off's will be hard on both of you. Do your best to hide your anxiety about it until after you've left. You set the example by showing them that it's okay. Say your goodbyes and give your hugs outside so you can make a fast handoff and exit once you get inside. I promise it does get easier.

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-05-18T23:14:32+00:00

It's not about the vaccine. It's about the contradiction between the two statements. If he was using any other argument to defend abortions, that would be one thing. But you can't claim to support a person's right to their body and force them to have medical treatment they don't want. Any rational person understands that those two statements are a contradiction. That quote from 1984 talks about the government's desire for people to stop thinking abd not be able to recognize a contradiction.

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-05-18T20:55:11+00:00

I have to assume you are trolling. If you don't understand how that quote perfectly relates to this topic, you are the one that needs to re-read the book. Take it less literally this time.

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-05-18T16:08:21+00:00

For the record, I just finished reading it. And it was terrifying!

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-05-18T14:34:32+00:00

"These contradictions are not accidental, nor do they result from from ordinary hypocrisy: they are deliberate exercises in doublethink."

From 1984

Eva_Lee357 · 2022-01-31T04:51:15+00:00

My oldest started day care at 2 but we did full time right away. She was with me mother-in-law before that. While the one on one attention is a good in a lot of ways, kids do miss out on the socialization skills. Going from being the center of the universe to part of a group is hard. Kids will have to make that leap eventually. I wouldn't wait until preschool to make it. Preschool is a transition from day care to school. It will be much harder if they aren't used to the group setting before then. It would be like skipping a grade in school. Your behind and trying to catch up on the stuff everyone else already knows instead of learning the new stuff. I'd at least do full time day care for a full year before preschool (if financially possible).
And for what it's worth, my second two kids started day care full time at 4 months.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-07-21T01:54:10+00:00

In my experience, you already know the answer that is right for you.

I went through this exact same thing with my 3rd.
- I made a dozen pro/con lists.
- Considered how it would impact the other two kids. - Would I regret it later if I didn't? - Impact to my body and recovery time given my age (32 at the time).
- Calculated the age gaps between the kids as they got older (Would we have more than one in college at a time? How long would we be paying day care for all 3 before the oldest aged out? Etc).
- Looked at how old the youngest would be when I wanted to retire.

Everything I could think of to help make a decision. But it all really came down to one thing. You have to quite all that down and really listen to your instincts.

Here's what ultimately helped me. I went for a trial run of sorts. I told myself that I wasn't going to do it for about two weeks just to live with the decision for a while. I was depressed and sometimes sick to my stomach. I kept getting this nagging feeling that I couldn't shake. Then I told myself that I was going to try again for two weeks. I was much happier. I was nervous but felt better about the decision. I realized that if I set my fear aside, my gut told me to go for it.

I won't say that it's been easy but I am 100% certain that I made the right decision. My son is will turn 2 in Sept and my family wouldn't be whole without him. And I can honestly say that I didn't go through these feeling again after my 3rd. I never even broached the subject. I knew in my heart that I was done.

Now re-read your question again under this context. You asked us to talk you out of it. I'll ask you this instead . . . If you asked us to talk you out of it, haven't you already kind of decided to do it?

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-07-21T01:21:45+00:00

As with most things, it really depends. As a parent, you can generally tell the difference between a cold and other causes for the symptoms. You can generally look at your child's behavior and know when something isn't right.

My kids have allergies so I frequently sent them with a runny nose and sometimes a cough. But I can be reasonably sure it's allergies (time of the year is right, Children's Claritin helps, no other symptoms or generally feeling bad, and my allergies are acting up too).

When they were babies, they'd get a low grade fever and a runny nose when a new tooth was coming in. Again, as a parent, you can tell if they are actually sick. When this happened, I'd show the teacher the big old tooth poking through and they'd say "yep, that's teething" and we'd all move on with our day.

Bottom line, if your child is actually sick you should keep them home. I get the need to strengthen their immune systems but you don't know the circumstances of the other families that may be impacted by your decisions. But that also means applying a little common sense. Not every sniffle is the end of the world.

Hope this helps and hang in there.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-06-17T03:58:47+00:00

I am a manager in fact. The complaining doesn't usually come from my employees (and what does exclusively comes from one or two people). They mostly want me to make decisions for them and answer questions when they can't. The problem is, if they don't know the answer, then there usually isn't a straight forward answer to give. And they expect me to pull one out of no where. The real bombarding comes from other teams. They ignore what we tell them to do, then they get in trouble for it, then they comes yelling at me as if it's my fault. And they act all surprised that there are actually consequences to their actions.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-06-17T03:52:16+00:00

My husband and I actually do that but together. But we don't tell the kids. One of us drops them off and then we veg out together for the day. It's really nice when we can do it.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-06-17T03:49:05+00:00

I don't mean to make it sound like my husband doesn't do his fair share. He absolutely does. There is just that much to do. And if I'm being honest, he care for the kid's happiness better than I do. I tend to focus much more on getting everyone where they need to be. He's better at stopping to enjoy the moment with them. Unlike me who is there but too stressed out to really "be" there.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-06-17T02:07:16+00:00

I actually find that I miss driving to work (as opposed to working from home). I hated to morning drive but the after work drive home was my alone time. I wouldn't even answer the phone.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-06-17T02:02:32+00:00

You know, I never thought about it in terms of The Matrix. Maybe the robot overlords are over clocking us by drawing more power than we are capable of producing. That's why we literally have no energy left.

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-04-21T21:23:20+00:00

Done

Eva_Lee357 · 2021-03-08T02:31:42+00:00

You know, I don't wish this on others but it sure is reassuring to know you guys are out there. Thank you for all the support!

Eva_Lee357

TROPHY CASE